BBJ sorry to hear this after all that effort and hope! Sometimes I wonder how all this comes to pass despite our prayers and good intentions. I follow only a few people here and its so disheartening to see going or almost going to piecing, struggling there too and then another bomb hits - john210, ann25, ... and now you. I think my LL is 100%commitment, and not too many people speak that language. Yikes!
Yeah I told H I was committed to being married to him the rest of my life and he acted like that was a bad thing....his actual words were "You want to be together "at all costs"?" Like it was eating glass to stay married to someone forever........
BBJ, my h has acted like this. I would guess (based on my sitch so it might be way off, or it may not) that there is something he feels terribly guilty/ashamed about that has made him feel that acting like that is an option. Unfortunately, that doesn't help.
Detach...let it go. Stay out of his way (as much as possible) and let the realisation settle over him that things are close to irretreivable (sp?). However, for guys that sound like this (again, using my own sitch) I worry that the guilt and shame just seems to make them behave worse instead of better UNLESS they get some serious IC of their own.
Hugs from Australia.
** Purple
As soon as you trust yourself you will know how to live. Goethe
It sure sounds like he's trying to make you hate him. He wants to say he "tried" but you're just too different. Something else is going on. This had NOTHING to do with bed time (except his control issues)and he doesn't even want to ADMIT that you want to be part of his life and share his interests because, well, that would make him wrong and he'd have to try and he doesn't want to.
He's such a mess. It's such a shame because he had it all. I actually feel sorry for him because he is losing/has lost so much and when he finally gets it, and he will, it'll be too late.
But then it hits me. He is lying through his teeth to you. Feel sorry for him? Ha. Maybe I'm projecting my own previous fears, but it sure worked out well for him that you moved his children close enough to keep a protective eye on them and allow his parents to lose nothing. Maybe I'm full of crap with this line of thinking but his behavior just screams of someone trying his hardest not to let this work.
Let him fly? Time for you to fly (ala eagles, I'm old)!
The old boy is just too hard headed..he's too stubborn. He's too prideful. He blames it all on the ones he loves. I bet he even blames his mom and dad for some of this. It is sad. Sad for all involved. I can't help but feel sorry for Dan. I know him. I know what he is. I know how he thinks. He hates your guts one minute and doing stuff for you the next. The only thing that will save Dan is for Dan to go get IC. He will see it one day..down the road. He will see the pain he has caused, He will see it on his son's and daughter's face. He will see it in Bobbi Jo's eyes. He will see it in his mom and dads eyes when the kids won't be there during certain holidays. He will see and hear it when his kids asks "where is mommy?" He will see it all, eventually. It will be too late then.
I'm sorry BBJ..I'm just so pissed. I'm just so mad. It just breaks my heart..it really does. I just hate it..I hate the way he is.
His life is about to get much, much worse. MIL has been having medical problems, kidney/bladder infection that never seemed to heal...she just called me at almost 9 at night to say that she went to the dr. today for the ultrasound and other tests.
She has a tumor in her bladder and the doc says 99% chance cancer. H doesn't know yet...
Mike as you mentioned, in fact H blames much of this on his mom and dad. His dad did not work hard enough to provide for his mom, he hated seeing her 'suffer' in that way. His parents argued all the time, his dad would get mean and his mom would cry. He HATED seeing her cry so he hates it when I cry b/c it makes him feel like he is being his dad and I am being his mom. He hated growing up watching them be so bad together, but not fixing it and also not divorcing. I told him many times we didn't have to be them, we didn't have to just live that way for 40 years, we could change for the better.
Anyway my point is he does blame his parents for the way he was raised and what he "went through" as a child/teenager. So he will feel ultra guilty that his mom has cancer and he is secretly blaming her/resenting her all this time.
I don't know what he will do, how he will react, but I doubt it will be good.......
BBJ, I am very sorry about the turn of events. I know the feeling ... the feeling that you are the only one who tried...the feeling that OP may be still around...the feeling that your spouse is hurting not only you but the children. I wish I had something to add that would pick up your spirits right now... What I told myself is that anyone who would hurt my daughter like this does not deserve my love... Anyone who can lie to me and betray me like this does not deserve my friendship... I know it has been said before but this is the time where you need support and this is the time were you need to be there for your kids. I hope you are able to find the strength to be there for them and at the same time take care of yourself. Don't be afraid to ask for help.
