Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Living with disdain (OK, I avoided the word hate)

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FIB -

You have such a difficult situation right now with an accusing and angry live in WAW. And to get that lien on the mortgage from your father in law just adds to the frustration. All I can tell you is that I know for a fact that things are going to get better for you.

KerryK...don't get me choked up. Thanks..it's real rough right now...for me. It's my own personal struggle now...to not fall backwards. Thanks.

FIB

Still hangin with you to my friend, and if yours follows in any way how the kids mom and I interact then it will always have its ups and downs.

The trick is being the rock that is big enough to weather the constant chipping and not be cast aside!

My money is on you FIB!!

cire

Hey Fib, so sorry things are so difficult for you. Its not right, not fair - well, basically it sucks. But, keep your eye on the prizes, my friend - your children. You will get through all this, you have to, for them. And for yourself. Keep on keepin, on. You could do it. One moment at a time. I have faith in you.

Proverbs 25:21-22 (New International Version)
New International Version (NIV)
Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society

FIB- You are doing the right thing, agape love is not a feeling its an action and you can still have boundries, but we are called to this......you have the right idea..there is so much comfort and wisdom in proverbs and psalms, it might helo if u read a chapter from each book every day..

Proverbs 25:21-22

21 If your enemy is hungry, give him food to eat;
if he is thirsty, give him water to drink.

22 In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head,
and the LORD will reward you.

FIB,

I was also the one who ultimately filed. And I had such a hard time with that, too. I also felt that HE should have to file because HE was the one who broke up the family.

However, with some distance now, I can honestly say that it is not that meaningful. The actual divorce papers, what it says on that judgement, is merely the final step in a long, long battle: the battle to save your marriage.

Your W broke up your marriage and your family when she decided to have her first OM. When she decided that she "deserved better" than you (as Ford said). When she decided to no longer put any effort into your R.

I believe that, someday, you will see that filing was, ultimately, a gift to yourself and your children, protection for all of you from further emotional and psychological harm.

Love,
Nicola

I want to thank everyone for your ongoing support. I am going thru another rough period...increasing nasty comments from my STBXW...feelings of loss....and trying as best I can to avoid victimizing myself as the cause for all of this (well, the TOTAL cause.

Two nights ago, my son came into the bed with me. He has been needy of late. He has not been showing any drive in soccer. In the dark and quiet, I asked him:

Me: Hey..S8....can you tell me why it seems like you don't want to go after the ball in soccer? You know, daddy doesn't expect you to score or be the best...just to try your hardest.
S8: Well, dad...the other guys are so much faster than I am.

Last night, the kids piled into the MBR. They have reading logs and last might was my turn to read. I read to my son the fairy tale about the tailor who made himself a sash that said "7 in one blow"...how he defeated and outsmarted several giants. The moral of the story...ingenuity. I tied this in with how he could use ingenuity to beat the faster soccer players.

FIB

Thank you nicola...that was an insightful post. When things get dark, I try to recall some her comments from the past and it helps me keep going. I am sure that the present living conditions is what makes this so tough right now.

Thanks so much for still being here.
FIB

FIB,

It breaks my heart...

• That you are in so much pain
  
• That you're kids are old enough to understand that Mommy and Daddy are planning on living two separate lives
  
• That you worked so hard to save your marriage.....but, have no strength to continue that fight
  
• That your wife probably sees you as the walk-away-husband
  
• That you and your W cannot see your woundedness clearly now (you will later)
  
• That each of you sees the other as the source of their pain
  
• That some here encourage D as the answer and seem to believe it is the strongest move

I am happy that....

• One way or another your pain will subside
• Underneath all the pain is an ember of love that you and your W share
• You are doing everything you can to show your W forgiveness and love
• You find the strength every day to be the incredible father your kids need
• There is ALWAYS hope that you and your W will reconcile and experience the glorious love that God intended a marriage to deliver