Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis One thousand posts later...

It always amazes me how similar all of our stories are. I am about ready to run at my h with a huge pin to pop his freakin balloon. My h is convinced also that everything will be better after the divorce. The world will be brighter, there will be rainbows and we will all be singing songs. What the heck is going on in their heads?

They use that word in public school????!!! I would have thought you would hear much worse than that!!! Karen

NOTHING!!!!

and it echoes!!

Oh, I do. This would be the preschool version! By kindergarten they've moved on to bigger and better things.

Hoozh, I hate to keep sounding like a broken record, but I'm not at all comfortable with your L's lassez-faire attitude about temporary support. His position -- which, legally, I guess is known formally as "Don't be a poopyhead, or it's not going to go well for you!" -- seems very nonchalant to me, considering just how distressed you and your daughter were finally just two weeks ago.

He's basically being the cop, telling you "Sorry ma'am -- we can't do anything until he hurts you," and sending you on your way. Waiting and hoping on your husband's "good nature" and "sense of fairness" to continue to meet his financial and parental obligations for the next two months . . . are YOU comfortable with that???

Why can't he file for immediate, temporary alimony and a formal child support arrangement on your behalf, right now??

This is obviously your call, but I'm not at ALL comfortable with that.

Puppy

Hoosier,

Puppy's words..



Perhaps talk to your lawyer right now about that.

I know. I'm just so tired. Tired of having no money. Tired of trying to find a time to talk to the lawyer. Tired of dealing with bill collectors. Tired of resistance and condescension from my principal because she wanted a minority nurse and I'm a WASC. Tired of being played by elementary students. Tired of trying to convince my lawyer I'm broke and need sooner than . Tired of this whole damn mess. Tired of having absolutely no emotional support (except for this board) but being expected to support everyone else. I want my life back.

Sorry for the tantrum. Every now and then I just flat run out of juice. Basically what my lawyer said is that they won't consider this an emergency because I'm working, so the chances of getting a hearing sooner than December is very slim. And that I should go ahead and take care of our needs (food, medication, etc.) and then worry about paying bills--especially those with both our names. A month ago I paid bills first and had nothing left for meds and food--this time around I was wiser than that.

Hoozh,

I know you like -- and trust -- this lawyer, but I'd encourage you to get a 2nd opinion on this. Most family law attorneys, especially those who specialize in working with women (which is what I would specifically recommend on this issue), will give you a free initial consultation. I'm sure you could succinctly describe your situation, and ask them what they feel your chances are of a timely temporary alimony and support action.

I'm no lawyer, but this, to me, seems absurd:



Is this not a question of DEGREE??? Taken to its extreme, if you make $500/month as a part-time mortgage broker, and your husband makes $20,000/month as a corporate attorney ... but you're both "employed" . . . then you don't qualify for an immediate hearing, even though Mr. Gotta-Hump-the-Wicca's not meeting his financial and moral obligations and your daughter is eating noodles for dinner???

That's asinine.

As you say, sorry for the tantrum. And I'm not trying to be a butt-insky, but none of us want to see you in this situation. I felt this way BEFORE your court date was pushed back to mid-DECEMBER; I feel even more strongly about it now.

I know you're mentally and emotionally exhausted. I think if you'll step back from this issue and try to take an unbiased look at it, you'll see that what we're recommending would make things EASIER on you, not HARDER. To have to keep jumping thru your cheating husband's financial hoops, every two weeks, hoping that he sees fit to grace his own daughter with enough money for food on her table, IS going to exhaust you.

Better to do the hard work now -- ONCE.

Get that consultation. If nothing else, they'll tell you that what your L is telling you is true, that the docket really is that full and this is the best you can expect. In which case, you'll feel reassured of both your decision on who you have representing you, and also that you're doing everything you can right now to help meet your family's financial needs.

Puppy

I think that might be right in some areas, though. The soonest my L could get an emergency hearing re: temp support was December 3rd and she set it about a month ago. They said if we didn't take that time, it would have to be in January and that was back in September!!! And you know my H is an L and I'm a stay-at-home mom so I don't think they consider that. Maybe if you were homeless or something I'd like to think so at least!!! But yeah, that L might be right about the court dates. The one good thing is my L said since court dates take so long she's going to try to wrap it all up and have the temp. hearing become a final D hearing. Karen

I'll see what I can do. But honestly, I don't know when I can do this! I can't miss work--because I'm recently employed I only get paid for the time I work, no vacation or sick time. It seems that everything is a double-bind right now; everything I do seems to impact negatively on everything else.