MC went as we had expected. He has lots of anger/resentment issues. C gave us both assignments to work on over next week and a half (next session is Oct. 28) he needs to decide if he is really invested and wants to give up OW...and both forth effort to make this work. I need to decide if I want to invest time, energy etc. as I will be the one doing the "work"...meaning trying to show him I have changed, he can trust in me again, I do "have his back". wow..that was a run on sentence!!! lol C was objective, didn't choose one side or the other, listened and gave her advice as to how we could work together to solve issues. She said it would take time and patience. H feels that we can not solve marital issues by living apart. He said dogs are a deal breaker. She said, stop and think.
We sat in the car for about 5 minutes after the session and just talked. He said he felt trapped. If he doesn't do MC, I will screw him in court financially, if does MC, and it doesn't work...he will have lost more time in his life he could doesn't want to lose.
I feel/think, it was a step in the right direction. Him showing up, WAS HUGE!! If he didn't have some investment towards the M...he wouldn't have came. just my 2 cents.
that's the short version!!!
I am off for a weekend get away to St. Louis to see friends....much needed!!!
Will be checking in..taking the good ol laptop along!!!
Let me know thought/feedback....I need u guys!!!
((((((((((to everyone))))))))))) christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
I am glade you're getting some R&R with some friends. You could use it after the last 2½ weeks. The stress of finals and then your dealings with H and the MC had to be weighting heavy on your mind. It sounds like you did however, get pasted the first bunker.
You may not want to go back through all of this again, but I missed the thing about the dogs. What is so important about the dogs?
Did the MC give you any idea about how many visits you will need to come to some sort of conclusion? I mean, I figure it is hard to tell how long it will take to solve everything, but is there some idea it will take to get past the first step of each of your investment in the M.
Did you get any other of your questions answered?
I just back from my first motorcycle rally. Had fun in the sun and on my bike. Tomorrow, W is meeting me at the house to ride with me to the family birthday party. I have not had any communications from her since last Friday. I am confused. She calls me when she arrives at her conference last Friday and tells me that she is going to get a shot glass and email me later on in the week, then nothing. No emails, no phone calls, no nothing. Maybe I will hear from her tomorrow letting me what time she plans comes by the house. I don’t understand any of this?????
VS~ I think your W is just scared and confused. She may not know what emotions she is going thru. When I WA I still wanted my H, but, at my pace...if that makes sense....continue to do what you're doing. Give her space and time to grow and come to some conclusions on her own. Trust me on this one. The more my H pushed...the further he pushed me away. Keep you're eyes on the ball....remember u and I both are trying to avoid the "bunkers"!!!
A motorcycle rally sounds fun...what type of bike do you have? My dad had a HD dresser. H has a softtail. I used to ride with my dad...it was so much fun
The dogs were a huge issue between me and H. Together we had three dogs, I took them all when I walked. I wanted them inside and he wanted them outside. they are pits. But the three most gentle, loving dogs you could ever meet. They love people...I didn't raise them as Michael Vick did (I hate him for what he did to those dogs, and the reputation he continued to create for pits) anyways....H says the dogs are the biggest reason he does not want to "work on things". I am trying so hard to come to a compromise. The dogs have been inside at my new place for the past 2 years. H went and bought 2 black labs after I left....which creates even more issues. My suggestion was (H lives in our home which is on 10 acres) build a kennel and run for my dogs and slowly start introducing them...where there is a will there is a way. I said the dogs are not deal breakers. Cheating, physical abuse, things of that nature are deal breakers...not dogs. He said, nope, to me dogs are deal breakers....I just listened at that point in MC!
The weekend was a BLAST and much needed. I met a ton of new fun people. It was nice just to get out of town and relax. Not think about all of this. My friends are so good to me. They simply rock.
As for other questions, well....he showed up, which I believe is a total stepping stone. A huge baby step in the right direction. Now we really have to start to "do work" as my dear FG would say. I am not sure what is going to happen now. I hope he (H) shows up to next session...time, patience, ducks back.....it will all work out in the end. God will lead, I will follow.
Our anniversary is Thursday....any thoughts as to what I should do???? I was thinking about sending a card...nothing mushy,or over lovey...just a simple one. Feedback on this would be great....u 2 FG!!!
((((((((((to you all))))))))) Christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
I love dogs, but I would not let any dog, no matter what it is or how much cost to be a deal breaker here! That is crazy!!!
My Mom and Dad both have a HD dressers (one each) as well. They have ridden them all over the U.S. and Canada. They have been to your hometown at least once. However, their health and age have prevented them from doing any more riding. They asked my son to taken them out and ride them to keep them in operational condition. I asked if I could ride one of them and the said NO! Not until you learn to ride your own. Well the problem is I did not have my own or even know how to ride one, I mean I know how, but I didn't, if you catch my drift. So I took a class and bought me a 2001 Suzuki Intruder"Volusia" 800. I have had it about 3 months and have put over 3000 miles on since then. Now they said I can ride theirs. So, I have access to 2 HD dressers and an Intruder. You ought to start riding again. I did not think I would like it but I am having a blast with it.
Hey! There's a thought,... maybe if you start riding a motorcycle it will give you and your H something new to do together.
About the W she just emailed me and said she will be on her way. I have been listen the DR P. and I got my mindset fixed in the right place. I am going to be my ... I was going to say my normal self ... but that's not the right thing to do. I should say I should be my NEW normal self. I have a 5 star horoscope today and it is about improving relationship with a person I am real close too.
I am happy that you had a good time with your friends. You needed that!
For what it is worth ... I would send a card to H. Think about something real small to send with it. Something that he likes that only you know about. Something that will make him smile.
"H says the dogs are the biggest reason he does not want to "work on things."
From Poolgate to Doggate.. What's next?
The dogs could be a issue.. I can see how it would be hard to blend them together. At the same time.. isn't it a little early to be stressing over it? I mean.. you two have not even been on a date yet.
Lets "Work" this from another angle. I am gonna assume one of the dogs you have is the leader of the pack. If not lets just pick one. Do dinner at your house.. or drinks.. whatever. Introduce H to one dog.. see how dog reacts.. see if H takes to him/her. Once you have introduced the one dog.. set up a date in the park.. remember we talked about a doggie day? Bring just the one dog.. H can bring whatever one he wants.. then you two trade leashes.. and slowly introduce dogs to one another. Dogs are not too far off from Humans.. they need to be "socialized" properly. If things go well.. then we start introducing the other in the same manner.. we also kill two birds with one stone. You and him get to "socialize" too.
"Our anniversary is Thursday....any thoughts as to what I should do????"
I don't know that I would do much about it.. this is kinda one of those things that may be good or bad. I would keep it simple.. remember we are building something new.. if he follows along.
When is the next appt. with C?
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
I tried to get him to at least come by and see the dogs after our last appt with C. he declined. I am not so sure he will go for a "walk in the park" type of activity....he's just not into that type of thing...more of the ride the HD or 4 wheelers kinda guy. And dogs are dogs, not to be treated like humans...if that makes sense.
Next appt. with C is Oct 28, one week from tomorrow.
Suggestions for contact?
What do you think about a card for our A? or nothing at all??
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
It went very well! It was as normal families get together. W and I drove too and from the party together. The conversation was about the fun I had at the rally, her work, the kids and grandkids. (By the way I won $100 on the Fun Run at the rally last weekend)
When we got back to our house she want to see me in my leathers. She was impressed and complimented me in the way I looked in them. We hugged and kissed when she left.
I put an invitation for black tie event in her mailbag. There will be wine, dinner, and dancing. She loves to dress-up, dance and likes the wine. She called me today and agreed to go with me. Just 5 months ago she told me that she did not want to go dancing with me any more.
I think this is a good thing. ??????
Did you get any ideas about what to do for your A? I still say send a card. What will it hurt? .... What is the worst thing that could happen .... H going to move out! (Just joking) You may find a card that has the words "Doggygate" on it or one that the plays "Who Let The Dogs Out" (Once again just joking). I hope my humor is not too harsh. I don't mean it to be.
I truly, truly hope you can make this work. You are my inspiration.
no ur fine....it takes a lot to tick me off at this point!!!
i bought him a carton of smokes when i went to STL this weekend....IL taxes are insane. going into MO, you can save ten to twelve bucks easily. Maybe I can find a card to go with the smokes and give it to him for our A at next MC session....that's one of my thoughts. I was reminded though, this is about a new start with him, so i need to be careful reminding him of old R....he does not want to go back to that one. There were some pretty bad memories there.
yes my eye is focused on this green....
i am thinking about dropping down to 2 classes this semester; i don't think i can do three FT classes and juggle work and MC and dedicate as much attention to H as he deserves or will need. And maintain a B avg in school...there is just no way. I worked my tail off last sem. and slid by with B's.
I think you are def. shooting par on your course. W seems to be digging whatever you are doing. Keep it up. She likes dinner, wine and dancing, and fancy clothes...i would keep that in your knowledge base...you may use that again at a later date...oh and chaps and bikes as well!!!!
((((VS))))
christa
H-32 Me-29 T-10years M-4yr (10/04) Me- WAW 1/07 I filed for D 2/07 D put on hold 5/07 H re-files for D 9/08 WOW! trying MC 10/08
"Work like you don't need the money, dance like nobody is watching, love like you've never been hurt!"
