Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy For the Guy with Kids and a WW Dix-Sept

You could start calling "HIM" by a nickname....something like....Foxtrot Hotel (F Head)or Foxtrot Bravo (F Buddy. You just got to be creative. Strat calling him that in front of the wife and watch the confusion on her face...."WHO?".

Yeah, the scriptures in the house.....geez.....I avoided all of that....I put that bible so far away and didn't go to church and avoided any and all religious people. I only talked to people that wouldn't tell me anything I didn't want to hear.

As for the movie.....haven't heard of that one..I'll have to look into it. You know I'm pushing the Fireproof movie because it is very focused on what the H does when the W does not want the marriage anymore. I'm sure you are feeling this may be painful at the moment. But, the ideas presented in the movie would benefit you now and in the future no matter what happens.

Spoken like a true military man.

I used to call him by name to her. Then Puppy got on my case for doing that. Since then, if I have to refer to him, I just used "Sancho". I think I'll be changing it to "F*cknut", next time I have to refer to him. I was tempted to call him the "Human ATM Machine" that time we spoke in her kitchen.

"I wish I had a "Human ATM Machine" to give me money whenever I need it."

I do like "F*cktard" a lot, too. That one would confuse her.

I thought it odd that she would have that stuff out at the apartment. Convincing herself and whoever goes over how "holy" she is.

"See what a good Christian I still am? I have stuff up on the walls and on pillows."

I'm pretty sure she hasn't even looked at her bible in some time. I noticed that sometimes I have seen some "Daily Devotional" books laying around. One from her mom, and one we had bought together.

She had always told me that she has her daily talks with God. HER way. I told her that she could't tell me that God was happy with her doing what she was doing. He would NEVER have her do something against the teaching of the Bible. She would start to say something about how no one can judge her. Only God.

I told her to be prepared. Both of them.

I just don't know about the movie, Beej. I have been in such a good frame of mind lately. I haven't locked the door but I am closing it. I think its the best thing for me.

I don't know if you saw it, but I posted to HopefultotheEnd. He had posted how he was getting out and meeting ladies but just didn't feel anything for them. I feel exactly the same. As much as I am going out with them. B especially. I don't FEEL anything for them. I FEEL for my wife. Affection. It just won't go away.

And I feel like I HAVE done everything I can. I can't force her. I am at peace that I have done what I could.

And more importantly, I feel like my kids know the same. The two older ones even feel like I need to move on without her.

I didn't know you had those conversations with your wife. That's good, h4h. She needed to hear those things. She remembers them even if it seems like she doesn't. I'm guessing, in her mind she is believing that God understands that she made a mistake with you (age difference, whatever, etc.). Problem with that is she didn't do all she could to make sure of that. She didn't stop seeing the OM, she didn't go to counseling, she didn't talk to a pastor, she didn't read books, etc.

No, you can't force her. The movie won't change your frame of mind. In fact, you may find peace from it. As I watched it, I thought about how my H pretty much did what the H in the movie did without even realizing what he was doing. You are a lot like my H, h4h. I really think you'd benefit from seeing the movie. Nothing to be scared of.

I feel like I am getting annoying to you lately, and I hope you understand why I have pushed certain issues....retrouvaille, not dating other women, this movie.......they are all things to help you focus on your marriage. I realize that some day you may have to let go, but until you are no longer married you still have a chance to not lose it. Being dark is fine if you do this for yourself and to save your feelings for your wife, but going dark and then going out with others doesn't accomplish the same thing. It allows you to get what you need from others rather than yourself or thinking of your wife. It's a slow fade.

As for going out with other girls...no matter whether you are feeeling something or not for them....how can I explain it ......Here, this song does:


CASTING CROWNS- SLOW FADE
Be careful little eyes what you see
It's the second glance that ties your hands as darkness pulls the strings
Be careful little feet where you go
For it's the little feet behind you that are sure to follow

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It's a slow fade, it's a slow fade

Be careful little ears what you hear
When flattery leads to compromise, the end is always near
Be careful little lips what you say
For empty words and promises lead broken hearts astray

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day

The journey from your mind to your hands
Is shorter than you're thinking
Be careful if you think you stand
You just might be sinking

It's a slow fade when you give yourself away
It's a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
Daddies never crumble in a day
Families never crumble in a day

Oh be careful little eyes what see
Oh be careful little eyes what you see
For the Father up above is looking down in love
Oh be careful little eyes what you see

Thank you for the song, Beej. Your doing what you should be doing. Helping others by ministering.

Your not annoying. You have a beautiful heart(and your outside ain't so bad, either )

I am just so tired of focusing on my marriage and on her.

I know I tried to replace my feelings with going out and overdoing and drinking too much. I have actually slowed down on that stuff. It helped deaden my pain a bit.

I'm just going to take each day as it comes. No more focus on us, on her, on my marriage, on ladies....

Just me and the girly's. They are the most important thing to me. Nothing else really matters. I'm going to treat the wife lovingly still.

Another coversation with the wife. I was telling her that I wanted to make sure that I did everthing in my power to make sure I tried everything before ending things. I wanted her to do the same. Her response?

"Well then, I guess I won't be able to say that."

H4H

What did you think of that comment?

I forgot the one the single guys use CHARLIE BRAVO!!! Bravo is for Block....use your imagination for the Charlie. Its fits in your case because he is getting between you and your wife!!

That last little comment that I posted?

It hurt like hell. It ended the conversation because I was pretty much speechless at that point.

How she was willing to give up everything without really trying. I just knew she was gone and that I had no chance. Around April or May.

I don't understand that either. I can't even understand why you would feel that way when you've been married, have children, and everything. My H is like that too. I don't think they think through stuff with logic or anything, though. Obviously. ((((H4H))))