What I really want to do is a catch-22. Because I would like to just take off for a few days and drive, clear my head, get some distance from everyone and everything and just think about my life, make some goals, take a nap. Every time I walk out of one of the schools I go to, I see a particular hillside with the sun shining on it and think how nice it would be to just lie there for a couple hours, feel the sun on my face, and do.....nothing.
However,
1)I have a job
2)I have two kids who love and need their mommy
I realize my H takes off for work trips and is gone for days at a time. But they are used to that, they are not used to me being gone. Plus my mom has a torn cornea and my MIL just found out she has cancer. Who could look after the kids? I would have to find a weekend when H will be in town and leave the kids with him.
Wish I lived closer to the coast, any coast, I would like to sit and listen to the ocean, maybe get a massage. Just...be. For a while anyway...
BBJ, Sorry about the bad news for you. Take that trip mentally, give yourself some rest. Take a afternoon off, get a massage, listen to Waves on a CD, meditate/pray. Go sit in a field in the sun. Take a mental vacation for yourself. Quiet is good. When you run no music, just listen to your feet and breathing, be present in the moment, be thankful you can get out and run. Pretend you are flying. I am getting up at 5:00 am to go out to run should be divine. Cheers
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
We have a white noise machine in our bedroom. I usually set it to waterfall b/c that seems the most consistent sound (I would love to sleep to the sound of a blowdryer or a box fan! I am weird.).
However the machine also has an "ocean" setting. Like the sound of the waves but the sea gulls pipe up periodically and I find them annoying.......may try it out anyway.
Have thought about taking a personal day. I think when I set up my lawyer appointment, I will do that....
November isn't the nicest month up here (no ocean either)...but if you wanted to visit France for a weekend without leaving the continent....well you know where to reach me....bring the kids....D7 will take care of them.
Actually I have mentioned you to him a few times. He may not be that surprised. I find it interesting that H most often goes to Canada (your neck of Canada, too), Idaho, and Arizona.
So I could just take turns visiting you, Woog, and Jeff....
Mike as you mentioned, in fact H blames much of this on his mom and dad. His dad did not work hard enough to provide for his mom, he hated seeing her 'suffer' in that way. His parents argued all the time, his dad would get mean and his mom would cry. He HATED seeing her cry so he hates it when I cry b/c it makes him feel like he is being his dad and I am being his mom. He hated growing up watching them be so bad together, but not fixing it and also not divorcing. I told him many times we didn't have to be them, we didn't have to just live that way for 40 years, we could change for the better.
and ya know BBJ..it pisses me off that I know this. It pisses me off to know that I was such an ass. It pisses me off that I know how he thinks and it pisses me off that I can't offer you suggestions on how to deal with this.
The Oregon coast has wonderful crashing wave sounds, but the weather mostly stinks until next May. I agree about the sea gulls - they are noisy flying rats! If you can find some Western Meadowlark white noise, that is worth listening too.
