Nothing too new here. We are still talking a lot, especially now since it is the weekend and he has more free time. The three hour difference is getting on my nerves though. But it's okay. We are making it work.
He is generally unhappy where he is and can't wait to get home. It all feels very de ja vu. Oh well. It just gives him more motivation to work hard so he can come home sooner. He seems to think he will pass his test on Tuesday and be home next week. We will see. The military does not usually work that fast. But I just validate and encourage and never show my skeptisism. I will be here one way or the other.
We were talking last night and I told him I missed him and he said that being there made him miss everything. Not quite the romantic statement I was hoping for but oh well. I am certainly included in "everything." He is also talking about wanting money so he can buy me a souvenior. Which is adorable. I told him he is very sweet.
Also last night the topic of living together sort of came up and left me a little agitated. He was talking about wanting to come home and I said that it will be nice but he will have a new set of problems to deal with when he gets here. Like finding a job and a place to live. I told him I trusted him to figure it out. In all honesty I was baiting a little. . .I had just finished telling him about how crazy I am going living with my parents right now and how much I wanted out. So I was hoping he would say something about moving in together (I know, I know. Drat those expectations!) He agreed and said he would figure it out. I then said "I figured you would just more back in with C and K" which are the people he has been staying with the past few months since the split. He said "probably at first until I decide on something" So who knows what that means. I could speculate and say it means until he decides to move in with me but that's all it would be. . .specualtion. Which I find leads to expectations!
So I am just doing my own thing as usual. Read a whole book yesterday. I devour fiction! I'm gonna go back to the library on Tuesday and get more. It's keeping my mind busy which is always good.
I feel like we are right on the edge of a cliff and I don't know when something is gonna push us off and get the ball rolling. I don't want to be pushy and scare him away so I am hanging back for the most part but it is getting annoying. Especially now that my current job is cutting my hours back so much. I won't be able to keep that job and be able to count on it for steady income. So the new job would be full time but then things might get tight financially if I move out, plus there is storing up a deposit. The only way I see this working for me is if hubby does it with me. Otherwise it will probably be January before I can escape the looney bin! I hope he does come home in the next week or two because that would give him time to find a new job before I start my new job (if I get this one) and then it could all work out. But then that brings the problem of him getting a job in his city and me being here. Ugh!!!
Sorry for all that rambling. It's probably very confusing. I just needed to get it all out on "paper" makes me feel a little better. I have my next counseling session on Thursday so maybe I can work through a bit of this then. If only hubby would make up his mind!
Oh well. At least things are going well between us and I am really getting a chance to show him how supportive I can be, even in tough times. It's all a deposit in the "bank" right ITH
Hi Daisy!! Wow he thinks he will be back next week?? That was really fast especially since you thought it was going to be a month. Good luck with the new possible job!!!
Try to stop yourself from the R talks on the phone. You don't want him to think that you are being pushy about it and have him thinking about that instead of missing you while he is gone.
Concentrate on you getting this job and getting yourself together right now. I must say that was very good and a great 180 about the myspace thing!!! Keep it up!!
You are doing so good and the fact that you guys talk everyday is fantastic.
I think it is more wishful thinking about being home next week. I mean I will be happy if it does work out but he still has to pass his test and then sort everything out. I highly doubt it will happen that soon. But one week is almost gone so even if I have to wait until the 11th I will be okay, especially since we talk everyday.
We have not really had a R talk since he has been gone. But I know what you mean and I will refrain! Or at least try. . .we all know that is not my strong point. I just get so impatient and just want to move out now! And it would be sooo much easier if I could get him to commit to living together but even then there would be kinks to work out and it would not happen instantly. I just need to focus on patience. That is soo hard for me though.
But I am working on me, even got some writing done today.
I still get doubts now and again about whether or not this is the right thing for me, is it worth it, is he the right person, yada yada. It's hard not to have these thoughts but most of the time I feel like my efforts are worth while and that I am doing the right thing. It just makes me wonder if I will always feel this way. Probably not. . .
I'm certainly giving this 110% and that is all that matters for the moment.
I thought I would share this quote that I came across recently...
"There is no way of knowing whether or not you married the wrong person, but I do know that many people have a lot of wrong ideas about marriage and what it takes to make a marriage happy and successful. I'll be the first to admit that it's possible that you did marry the wrong person. However, if you treat the wrong person like the right person, you could well end up having married the right person after all. On the other hand, if you marry the right person and treat that person wrong, you certainly will have ended up marrying the wrong person. I also know that it is far more important to be the right kind of person than it is to marry the right person. In short, whether you married the right or wrong person is primarily up to you"
I put it up on my fridge and it inspires me to be 'the right kind of person'
I think that is a very wise quote. I am going with the flow now and seeing what happens. If we get back together great! if not then I will be okay after awhile and will find someone else. As we all know I am very young, as is hubby, and we have a lot of growing up to do both as a couple and individually. A lot of people had an opinion when we were engaged (I was 19 and he had just turned 20 when we got married) and they said we would grow apart, we would change and not be the same people, etc. I can see how in some ways they were right but at the same time if we stick together and hold on tight I know we can and will grow together as we grow up. So while it will never be perfect we can make things pretty damn good as we go along.
Well I found out today that I did not get the job. I'm soo frustrated right now. It's always one thing or the other. Things are going so well with hubby right now and I could see us getting back together when he gets home but now I can't find a job. There is always something in the way and it's making me insane and really depressed actually. I just wish I knew what to do. My current job is not steady by any means and I could not count on it as stable income, even if it paid enough to move out. I'm trying to be patient and wait this out but I feel like I am in a pressure cooker until I can get some things sorted out.
I guess I will go out Wednesday and apply for more jobs.
I'm so sad right now. I really wanted this job and had looked at apartments online that were nearby and everything. Ugh!!!
Hi Daisy With the current economy, it is tough. You can see this just a minor speed bump. There will be a better job waiting for you. Once you go looking for it, I am sure you will find your dream job. Not to worry, things will turn around.. Keep you head up...
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
I do feel better now. I talked to my hubby and he made me feel better. He believes in me and said he knew something would come back around.
He is right. This was obviously not the right job for me or not the right time. It all works out for the good in the end so I am just going to take my own advice to ITH just a bit ago and "take it in stride."
I had my pity party and then went online and applied for a handful of jobs. I will spend lunch break tomorrow making phone calls around town. Wednesday I will go out and get applications and take them back.
Glad that you are feeling better Daisy and things are going good with the H. Just keep trying you'll get something. I went thru the dame thing recently when looking for the PT job. I must have filled out over 20 applications!! Now I am so happy that it was IKEA that accepted me as I actually enjoy it.
Things with hubby are definatly good. He even sent me a "special" pic today. LOL! He is obviously lonely.
I do not get cell reception at the cafe I was working at today and when I got off work I had 5 messages from hubby.
1. the picture 2. Hows work 3. Ignoring me 4. No love 5. She probably just died
Lol. I wrote him and said "drama queen!" and he said "grin"
The texts were spaced out over the day but it was just so funny to read them all at once. So I called him and we talked for like 20 minutes before he had to go and then when I got home I texted him because I was upset about the email telling me I did not get the job. But he was very sweet and supportive.
Tomorrow is his PT test and if he passes then he is going to try and get out of there as soon as possible. He was talking about this weekend. That would be sooo nice but I am still not sure if he is being realistic. Guess I will know tomorrow.
But he was very sweet and supportive.