Just finally getting around to posting a bit about the camping trip...can't believe the week is almost over already.
If anyone can stand me saying "wife and I had a great time" again...that would about sum it up...sorry.
Sometimes, especially over the last few weeks, I feel like I shouldn't even be posting any more.
A few vents here and there, a reminder from her thrown in for good measure that creates a little drama in my mind, but besides that...calm, cool and relaxed...both of us.
Starting to finally realize (hey, it's only been 6 months..lol) that most, if not all, of the drama IS in my head and just my perspective on things.
Have spent a lot a time the last few days catching up on threads, and reading some of my old stuff....just wanted to say, you guys, and girls, are a strong and supportive bunch.
Although I don't pipe in on other threads much, there are many that I stay current with, and think about you people often.
Someday, maybe I will feel comfortable offering advice, but still at times feel like I am floundering in my own sitch.
There are some sad stories on this site, and many people going through hell. Reading these last few days has really made me count myself as lucky. Regardless of what happens with my wife and I, I could not have asked for more from her than what she has done the last six months.
The two of us have been nothing but kind, loving and graceful to each other through this whole sitch, and knowing that not many of you have that with your spouses almost makes me feel somewhat self conscious about posting about the "good stuff" between her and I.....does that make sense? Do you guys get tired of listening to me????
God willing, and with more work, what has been going on with us will continue to progress. If not, I know I will always be able to come back here for a shoulder to cry on, some advice or a smack with a 2x4....what a bunch.
Bill, Forrest...if someone had told me 6 months ago, I could "make friends" with someone on an internet message board, I would have told them they were crazy. I know have said it before, but "Thanks"...for staying with me, for advising me and looking out for me.....once again, somehow, some day...a cold one, a game of pool and some wings.
....and the rest..you know who your are.."Thanks".
The camping trip???? We drove to the site and arrived after dark...started a fire, set up the tent and unpacked. The weekend was filled with cooking, and drinking...walks through the woods, quiet hours by the lake..hugs and hand holding, laughing and joking...hours in front of the fire and we made time on Sunday to drive to a little town about 15 miles away to watch a football game. She had to get her football fix in.
There was not a harsh word, or tense moment in the 72 hours we spent in each others faces, even as we battled over which pole went where, in the dark, freezing our a**es off, trying to get the tent set up. We were a couple and a team, and with all we do, the time we spend together, this was a time that will not soon be forgotten. Hopefully she feels the same way.
This week has been "more of the same". She has her moments, but most times I barely notice. I know it could still be a long road, but things feel good, and I am learning....finally...and am in a good place now, no matter what happens.
I will be back to update, vent, whine and cry when needed...and post about the good stuff if no one minds.
Name the movie, and you've got a sense of humor similar to my own.
You keep posting. You keep coming back here and letting us know how things are going.
Because you're right. There are a lot of sad stories here. And we all need reminded sometimes that not all husbands mistreat their wives, and not all wives cheat on their husbands. We sometimes NEED to remember that there was a time, probably in our own marriage, where we had much the same relationship that you have with your wife right now.
And hey, your story is not yet finished. There's always the chance that there will be bumps in the road yet to come. It's good for you to know that there will be people here ready to hear about, sympathize, and help push you on to the next step.
You sound very well. I dare say that it's beginning to sound like you get it. I'm not a big "power of positive thinking" kind of person, but I do think it's possible for us to create what it is that we fear subconsciously.
Embrace where you are. Take it all in, the good and bad. Reality is all that we have, so we have to take it all. Every down day tends to be filled with little positives that get overshadowed by the bad things. Changing our perspective is often the first step to getting off of top dead center, if you know what I mean.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
The two of us have been nothing but kind, loving and graceful to each other through this whole sitch, and knowing that not many of you have that with your spouses almost makes me feel somewhat self conscious about posting about the "good stuff" between her and I.....does that make sense? Do you guys get tired of listening to me????
I think it's important to vent, journal and get feedback. There are more people reading than posting to you so sometimes what we write helps them even if they don't chime in. Plus all the different sitchs keep things balanced out.
I love the scene in front of the mouth of the cave with the Killer Rabbit.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
I love the scene in front of the mouth of the cave with the Killer Rabbit.
I think I was 12 or 13 when The Holy Grail hit the theaters? I can still remember the the group of us clowns going to see it at the local theater....ahhh the good old days.
How's that song go??..
I wish that I knew what I know now When I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now When I was stronger.
"I think it's important to vent, journal and get feedback."
It also has a side effect of drawing people in. You come here not knowing what to do.. it seems you put a post up and everyone should comment on it. I had some trouble with this.. not many people responded. I could hear "crickets" at times. Venting and journaling should be done here. If I have a regret it is that I did not do that. I chose to do my "journaling" to my wifes old best friend.. lets just say it was not a great choice. I can't say that I had a normal DB walk. Mine was a little "Crazy". Not unlike Tim's. Feedback is important.. thats the main reason I stay a Newcomer. Even though my life is good.. I find it more effective and rewarding to post here. Most of the people I know have moved to other groups.. and I find my time "slipping" away from being able to "Work" here. I said all that just to give some perspective to you Ndsmhelp. It does not matter what you "stitch" looks like.. posting here (DB.com) shows the intent you have... or as I call it.. your heart.
" There are more people reading than posting to you so sometimes what we write helps them even if they don't chime in. Plus all the different sitchs keep things balanced out."
And that just makes my "statement" more clear.
"I know it's far from over, Bill....no matter which way things go. I also know, from past experience that these feelings can be fleeting for me."
It is never over.. the "Work".. the "Work" just feels like a lesser load.. it becomes easier.. and more rewarding. You chose this path in life (marriage) because you wanted to be with "someone" come hel* or high water. Don't give up.. don't loose sight of what you committed to. Even if you fail.. you still win.. you walk away knowing you did everything you could to the best of your ability. When you see the fleeting.. do something to draw her closer. Show her that you will be there.. if you show her with your actions.. she will understand.. even if she says she doesn't.
"Sometimes, especially over the last few weeks, I feel like I shouldn't even be posting any more."
This I don't really understand... let me put it to you this way.. once you get your "mind" straight.. you could help a lot of people here (DB.com). You could be a Bworl.. or a Forrest Gump.. or a Coach.. It's in you.. you just have not grabbed a hold of it yet. If you resemble me at all.. and I think you do.. you just need that "extra" personal touch. I still think you need a close personal mentor to "help" you.
"There are some sad stories on this site, and many people going through hell."
This was the first time I could "see" your perspective changing some.
"Bill, Forrest...if someone had told me 6 months ago, I could "make friends" with someone on an internet message board, I would have told them they were crazy. I know have said it before, but "Thanks"...for staying with me, for advising me and looking out for me.....once again, somehow, some day...a cold one, a game of pool and some wings."
Crazy can happen anywhere. The one thing you never expect to happen.. always will. Maybe I am speaking for Bill here.. but we don't needs Thanks.. you show us Thanks by getting this right.. and being an Advanced DAM. Show us.. you can do this and make a lasting change.
The "drinks" and pool and wings.. sounds good.. you may have to look around to find me. I am all about a free night out!!
"I'm not a big "power of positive thinking" kind of person, but I do think it's possible for us to create what it is that we fear subconsciously."
Based on that.. if you can create you own fear.. why could you not change it into something different? The world has taught me.. people can see your fears.. even if they don't know you. I know for a fact if you seem like you have no fear.. people can see that too. I can't imagine that.. the people closest to us.. can't see the same thing.
"I wish that I knew what I know now When I was younger. I wish that I knew what I know now When I was stronger."
You may not be younger..
You can be Stronger.
Cause now you are.
Keep your head up...
And Always...
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
ndsmhelp, Don't ever stop posting, or commenting. It's because of people like you, Cookie, FG, BWorl, Coach, SMW, Mike, Gypsy, Bridge, that I finally figured out what I needed most...to be the best Goldey I could be, regardless of what happens in my sitch. Turns out, you have a fairly happy ending. The kind I dream about. I won't ever get what I'm looking for until I have my own act together. Period. Thanks to YOU, for sharing yourself so freely. Hugs and Peace.
Me:44, WAW hx bi-polar H:48, hx of abuse S:22, S:19, D:16 Filed Oct 08, dismissed Filed again Jan 10, dismissed Now Piecing alter persona: SuperBoots
Most of the people I know have moved to other groups.. and I find my time "slipping" away from being able to "Work" here. I said all that just to give some perspective to you Ndsmhelp. It does not matter what you "stitch" looks like.. posting here (DB.com) shows the intent you have... or as I call it.. your heart.
Do you mean that you are no longer able to "work" on yourself by posting here? I think that is how I was feeling, but for me sort of a limbo..not divorced, not separated and according to my wife, not piecing. Then it got to a point where it seems like all I was doing was posting about these great times we are having, with a rant / vent thrown in because she won't tell me everything is going to be OK....something I guess I have no right to hear from her now anyway.
Quote:
Even if you fail.. you still win.. you walk away knowing you did everything you could to the best of your ability. When you see the fleeting.. do something to draw her closer. Show her that you will be there.. if you show her with your actions.. she will understand.. even if she says she doesn't.
That is what, I think, has changed recently....the distant and cool times are still there on occasion. I find it easier to look past them, or try something different to draw her closer, or draw her out. Maybe she no longer feels that fear or awkwardness because most times it's just not there.
Quote:
This I don't really understand... let me put it to you this way.. once you get your "mind" straight.. you could help a lot of people here (DB.com). You could be a Bworl.. or a Forrest Gump.. or a Coach.. It's in you.. you just have not grabbed a hold of it yet. If you resemble me at all.. and I think you do.. you just need that "extra" personal touch. I still think you need a close personal mentor to "help" you.
Hmmmm...that's some big shoes to fill my friend. I am not going anywhere, so we'll see what happens. At least I can't get sued for malpractice, right??
Have to come up with a catchy sig line...."Do Work" is already taken.
Hey Steady...waving back and just stopped in on your thread. Just a hijack about my own issues with drinking and my wife. It's tough, as you know, biting your tongue and not saying anything, but right now I am trying to stay focused on the sitch in general and hope as time passes we are able to work past it. We'll see how it goes.
We had a pretty mellow weekend. My wife had plans to go out with the girls on Friday night, and I was glad to see that as she really has not been out away from me much. Seems as though the "shine" has worn off the best friend or something, and she really does not have much of friend circle.
I guess, in some ways, it is good thing that she seems to no longer seek out time away from me and home, but that was actually helping me a little with my own GAL and that "separation anxiety" I seem to get when she is out and about on her own.
Anyway, Friday I did not get to see her before she went out, but she sent me a text to ask me to get dog food, which I did...phone died by the time I got home so I put in on the charger. It was my late night, so by the time a got dog food, got home and got finished up doing a few things around the house it was about 11PM.
Turned on the phone to check messages and there are 4 from my wife over the last 2 hours....
"did you get dog food?"
"hello. why aren't you answering me?"
"did you feed my boy"
"where are you? did you get food and feed the dog?"
...just a side note on text and relying on cell phones. We have a land line and I was home...WTF?
So, I text her...dog is fed..having fun? where did you guys end up?
Wife says.."we are at XXXX, and having fun. is it too late for you to come out and have a beer with us?"
Should have said yes but went anyway, for one beer and some chicken wings. The girls were all happy to see me and I got a round of hugs and kisses from them.
Wife blew them off and spent the rest of the time there with me and chatted, telling me how she was a bit annoyed with a couple of the girls and all the female drama...best friend included. Wife had a little buzz so we left one car there and picked it up in the morning.
On the way home we made plans for dinner on Saturday, but when the time came, after work, she asked of we could cancel because she was tired, and wanted to stay home, make dinner and relax...asked me to stop and pick up some things at the store. We had a nice dinner, a few drinks, listened to music and played a game.
Sunday was the Giants game and she invited her brother and SIL over after the game. I went to visit my mother, ran some errands, washed my car, and got back to watch the last quarter with her.
I know she was tired, and during the day seemed a little distant, maybe just focused on the day, I don't know. I made the mistake of asking her if she was OK, or mad about something.
These are questions or comments that since the bomb I have avoided like the plague. In the year prior to the bomb, I "took her temperature" almost daily....constantly asking her what was wrong, or what was bothering her or if she was mad at me.
I asked her once on Sunday. The second time I asked her she said "Do you remember what makes me mad?...you asking me 100 times if I am mad"....point taken. Felt at that point that I may have reminded her of a little bad behavior of mine, but things were fine during the time her family was there. We got things together for a late afternoon dinner with her brother and had a nice evening.
After they left, both of us were tired and later fell asleep in the living room watching TV. I woke up about 11, said good night and left her on the couch, where she stayed for the night. That was the first time all week she had slept on the couch.
I am at work today, and she is off. My plan this week is to ease up a little on the partying with her and try to get some time in around the house catching up for winter. The last 6 months were her has gone so fast, and most of our time together has been devoted to fun....it really is time to try to progress things in another direction and see what that brings to the sitch.
