Actually GB, she's Filipino. It used to crack me up that she would only have 1.5 sugars and then tell me it was because sugar makes you fat but then she'd go hog wild on the creamers! My favorite was when she told me that she couldn't sleep at night after having coffee with me, she said "it must be the caffeine". I said "but you drink decaf" and she said "I know, it's weird isn't it?" I didn't tell her that I couldn't sleep either on those nights and it wasn't due to the caffeine!
Trust me, 3.5 sugars does not make a good looking Laotion fat! Must be a geographic thing if your experience was a bit different. U and me have had similar, but slightly different conversations, mine in close proximety to the other conversationalist, if you know what I mean. . But trust me, the lack of sleep was not because of caffeine consumption! Must hit the pillows. Bye.
GB, I think we should probably end this convo cuz I have nothing left to add and you probably shouldn't add anymore! Today I'm going to church and I've asked my girls to go with me. D14 threw a hissy fit and carried on about how she'll fail her test Monday thanks to me taking her study time away. I pointed out that she had done no studying at all so far and the weekend was half over and she would have ample time when we returned. Today is also a Welcome lunch for new people and I really didn't want to attend alone, I feel alone enough this week. In the evening I went to D14, closed her door and asked to speak to her. I told her that this week is the anniversary of mom and I separating and it is a very sad time for me, I told her that all our lives changed drastically because of that, my dream of living my life forever with mom was gone. I was very sad. I told her that I would very much like to be able to introduce my family to people at the lunch and not feel alone at this event. I, of course, had tears coming down my face. D14 ran over and hugged me and said "I'll come Daddy, I'm sorry I just didn't know" So we hugged and I thanked her for saying she'd go. I offered to drop her off home early so she could get at her school work. Oh yes, a wicked cold and a separation to "celebrate"...fun wow!
Hey, Whatis is gonna give himself a big pat on the back! Despite feeling like crap physically and emotionally, I am still going to the church Welcome lunch and meet some people. Part of me just wants to stay home, curl up in a ball on the floor and wait for this day to end...but I'm not gonna! Besides, if I did that I'd miss football this afternoon, so no can do!
I really enjoyed reading your post about the convo you had last night with your 14 year old daughter. You are a terrific father and she sounds like a fantastic young girl.
Something resonated with me in one of your posts. I noticed that right around the anniversary of my separation, I took a step back. Started feeling a little down and questioning so many things. You know... if I had only done this or that. Yesterday I took my little girl (7) to a farm where we picked pumpkins, watched pig races, etc. etc. One year ago, I took her to that same farm and that was right after the separation. Brought back a lot of tough memories, but we had a fantastic day.
One thing was interesting was that the kidlet only remembered going to this fair last year when in fact we had been there with her mom a few years ago. The three of us had such a nice time. It's unbelievable how our ex spouses refused to focus on the good times and keep the family together.
Gotta move forward!
Also...
Take your time with the dating, you will know when it is right. Do not base your dating future on the recent experience you have had with 2 girls, that is nothing! Once you truly get out there, you will see that there is a huge market for your services! Just need to find the right one.
Thanks Fish, often I think it's imagining what will meet you out there that is scarier than what actually is out there! When you have to do it, you do. But I'm in no rush to get out there cuz I recognize I'm not a good catch right now...I will be, but not at the moment! Anyway, today I went to the church Welcome lunch and while waiting to get into the lunch room I struck up a convo with a woman, we chatted, introduced our families etc. When the room opened I took my kids to play a few games of Air Hockey and ten minutes later she came to tell me that we had been asked to sit down and then brought me to her table where she had saved seats for me and my girls! So nice...and Filipino too, they just love me! OK, I sat next to her husband but at least I got to practise the few Filipino words I learned in my Coffee Buddy days. As the meal began the Pastor came by to meet everyone and after shaking my hand gave me a big hug, whispering that he'd got my email about my difficult week. Upon leaving we talked for a few minutes and I told him that I'd not wanted to come today but I got my butt up and decided to get to church, go to the lunch, and meet some nice people. What else can you do but keep plugging along, it's either that or the old fetal position for life and that can produce some pretty severe cramping after a few days. Well, off to drop off the kids and maybe go watch the ballgame with my Dad, Go Sox!
Wii, glad to hear you had a great day. And that's because you decided to get up and go on with life, and just be yourself. And you are correct, you'll know when the time comes that the old Wii, or the new Wii, has arrived. I too struggled for awhile, and each of us determines when it's time. No set time line for that, it is what it is. Just wanted to remind you, that when you get to the other side of it, life does go on and there are some great people that will be introduced or reintroduced into your life at the right time. Just keep an open mind so you don't miss it (well, even if you do , the guy upstairs will take care of it again, and again, until you get it) . Life does go on, and it can be grand again.
Wii - That is awesome!! You should continue to pursue a friendship with the Filipino family that reserved you seats at their table. Building a social network is a huge step in this process.
I understand exactly what you mean by not being ready. Post-divorce is a new rollercoaster! Six months ago, I was completely detached from my x-wife and child, I bascially had zero contact with them. Ran off to Vegas with this girl I was seeing and spent about 4 months getting a little crazy.
Eventually reality and guilt set in, the chick and I broke up and I began focusing on my child. Went on a few dates during the summer, but just did not feel like I was ready to pursue another relationship. The Vegas chick and I are still friends, but every so often she has a mini explosion because I refused to take things to the next level. Nothing against her, she wanted more than I could give.
So right now, I lead a quiet and simple life. Work, hang out with friends, go to the gym and spend time with my daughter.
Hi Fish, I certainly do remember your months of craziness! It's something I think we all go through on different levels when we first get hit with this stuff. Part of my recovery also requires, as you have done, some honest analysis of my "crazyness". I tend to put myself forward as a victim of the two ladies I tried to connect with in different ways. Yes, their treatment of me was inappropriate and could have been handled in a more delicate, caring manner but people are people. As a Christian I am told that people will f@ck up, that's part of who we are. My Pastor once said "in difficult situations good people will often do some pretty bad things". That is life. Now, on my part, I pursued a friendship with someone who was NOT available. I put her in a difficult position where she wanted to support me but also knew we were treading on thin ice. I should have shut that down myself but I wanted the validation and kept going. Although I was a gentleman and did not pressure her for anything else, I set myself up for problems and I got em! In the second case, this person was very hot and cold which should have been a very clear warning sign for me, but I proceeded anyway and again had a bad experience. So in some ways I was a victim but in others I put myself in situations where I could get nailed and wasn't in a place emotionally to deal well with that kind of outcome. So it's live and learn, just as you have.
