Daisy, JWS has the right of it, while I certainly understand where you are coming from. I'm fairly certain that we will end up divorced. But, I'm also pretty certain that we will end up better friends than we were before and therein lies my hope for a new relationship. When I first entered active duty, I had 4 months of training and I didn't know that my wife could have come and stayed in the Q with me. Instead, she went to stay with her Mom in Minneapolis and ended up depressed and then finding a guy friend to hang out with and we were nearly divorced before we had been married 6 months.
I wish you the best success because as you've pointed out, it is a tough road. (((Daisy)))
Thanks for your imput. I just don't see a reason for us to keep a friendship if we divorce because we do not have kids, common friends, a mortgage or anything else to really to tie us together. We currently do not even live in the same city. If we divorce we just go our seperate ways. In your case though I think you should certainly strive for friendship as you have kids tied up in the middle.
How you doing next time I am out I will have to drink a toast to all of us who have gotten screwed. I hear you man. We certently have been screwed but have you ever been screwed over and not learned from it. This may be the crapest learning ever but you will bounce back and be better for it.
Hope your going well today
JWS, I'm doing OK. I don't know if I'd trade one second of the hurt or one second of the pain for the joy of becoming a mature adult. Life is so different now. It has a completely different flavor or color to it.
So, let's see. She's a 42 year old depressed asthmatic smoker with ADD, low self esteem and a drinking problem. She has all but abandoned her kids and is cheating on her husband and has yet to realize that botox isn't going to roll back 18 years and that hard work has to be added to talent in order to create success. She is still attractive and if I saw her while I was out, I'd definitely notice, but, I don't think that I'd give her a second look. When I look at things this way, I doubt that I'd want a relationship with her. But, she is my wife and we have those three wonderful kids and 18 years together, I'd forgive her in a heartbeat if she'd turn away from the path she's on.
Yeah, I'm doing pretty good today. Had a tough moment this evening as D12 was crying and saying that she misses Mommy and then this was a new one, she said that she misses Mommy and Daddy together. That was tough because I didn't know what to say.
JWS, I'm heartened by your wife's determination to become an attorney. I sometimes think that my wife's MLC could have been staved off if her self-esteem was built upon more than her looks.
Hi let me tell you something my DB coach told me "Divorce doesn't end an relationship, it just changes it" I've been D since June and i'm still standing and workinhg on being friends with my x. Don't give up even if it gets to a D.
Yogi bera said "it ain't over til it's over"
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Thanks Dan...just be patient and you'll get to where you want to be. There are a 100 ways of looking at something so don't give up til you tried all of them. I think after 7 moths i get it
Jen *The more anger towards the past you carry in your heart, the less capable you are of loving in the present*
Younseperation during ait sounds very normal. In fact that is how most people are. Very sad and clingy at first but then you have to learn to detach and move on. It's the only way to function. Most problems are when guys come home and the couple has a hard time learning to function together again. However that is the past and now all you can do is go forward on the footing you can.
If his training is going to be long then go with him. I don't need to tell you that will be hard on you but it is worn the effort if he would let you. Off my w let me I would commute the 250 miles from her place to my job. So if that's an option take it. I wish it was easier for you but the truth is the life of an enlisted solider is about the worst for a family. That dose not mean it can't be done but nomatter what it is hard.
Dan. You sound much better. I am really digging the no snooping thing. It will lead to your own inner peace. You know man it's really about not giving your self the opperrunity to do it. It took me months of not listenig to Lost and Julia to finnaly get seperate phone plans and as soon as I could no longer see that instant relief.
Sleep with you kids or lock your keys in a safe with a timmer anything so that the temptation is not even there. Temptation is the absolut hardest thing to fight. Look at how many people in history and the bible have fallen to it at some point. We are all weak the strong ones don't sit in the garden staring at the forbidden fruit they simply avoid the garden all together.
Man I wish I knew why they could not be honest and say they want to screw around. "honey I promise I don't want to see anyone else". I get tired of hearing that when she is. So I just stop listenit and asking. If she still feels the need to lie then it's becase she is conflicted inside. So she can suffer with her lies not me. She has to live with herself I don't. I only worry that it is killing her already weak sense of self.
Your doing good Dan keep it up. And remember that unlike some of us you don't get the option of failing you have to be the best possible man you can be for those children. Forget you W for a while and make them the center of your universe.
Me 27, W26 T-12 M-4 SEP 4/29/08 Holding 250 miles Awaiting Support Current
You sound like you are in such a good place at the moment. Is your wife settled at school now? I would just say don't get too comfortable, remember your goals and to keep optimizing those DB opportunities when they creep up on you, 180s and such-like. But you do sound great!
