Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives Another one bites the dust (2)

Hey Slowly, thanks for stopping by. I have worked VERY hard to gain the confidence that I now have. I will NEVER let anyone take that from me. Every one deserves to love themsleves and it took me 37 years to understand this. I am happy with me and if STBXH is not happy with the person I am, that is his problem. One day I WILL find someone to cherish me. I am very capable to intence love and know that I will find a like heart as well (when I am ready). Thanks again for your kind words.

BH, thanks for stopping by my thread! I loved your post and also wanted to read the book you mentioned, sounds like it would be a good one for me. I was looking at Amazon and there were dozens of book titles so I wanted to be sure to get the right one: I found The Secret Law of Attraction, The secret laws of attraction, the secret behind the secret law. It was crazy! Do you remember the author who wrote the one you read? Thanks!!!

Hi sweetie!

I have been busy GAL. I was thinking of you and just wanted to stop in and say hi!

Hope you are enjoying all that is good in every moment of your day!


*Hugs and prayers*

Hey all. Stopping back in to talk about my feelings about tonight (oh I am such a girl wanting to talk about those icky feelings). First, Karen, I loned my book out but will tell you the authors name in a couple of days. Ready, thanks for checking in on me.

Once again tonight was my STBXH night with son. I dressed up in some finery and left as soon as he got here. Took myself out on another fabulous date. I am getting this dinner and movie thing down pretty well. When I got back STBXH wanted to talk to me. First he apologised to me for not being there for my doc appointment. He said he had no idea that I had told him the time and date. That he had no recollection of that part of the conversation. He then started to talk to me about how he hoped I was moving on. That he felt that was the only healthy thing for me to do. He then informed me that he took himself off of his AD's without telling his doctor. He wanted me to know he is feeling very happy in his life. He is staying part time at his OW house so that he does not feel like he is taking advange of anyone. Personally, this is prob a good thing since it make them start to live a real life instead of fantasy life.

We talked about money and our son and how he wanted to move forward with our D. I was upbeat, supportive and acted like him living with OW was of no concern to me. We talked about some of the things that happend over the summer that made him so angry with me. Again, I just affirmed that those were his feelings, did not argue. What is the point. We even talked about how my illness occured right at the time things started to go south for us. Part of me hopes he can make the connection that grouchy me was due to me being sick. He has even said over and over again that he can see so many positive changes.

As he left, all I kept thinking was "D@mn I hate him! How can he do this!!!" But then I collected myself and thought it is what it is. I can only control me and not him. I do truly think that one day he is going to look back at this time and think "What did I do" but I cant put my life on hold until then. God, this journey is so hard but I can at least see that little by little I am letting him go. As he was sitting across from me for awhile, I did not even look at him like he was my H, just someone that I had know for awhile. Felt good to be so detached.

So I had to see STBXH again this morning for parent/teacher conference at S's school. After it was over, STBXH asked me if I wanted to get a cup of coffee at the coffee shop across the street. We sat down and he began to talk again. Told me that he is still messed up in the head, still trying to find out what he wants to do when he grows up. I said why not just "be". He told me he had thoughts of quiting his job and trying to become a carpenter...here is the thing, I am the one who owns the power tools at my house. I thought this was kind of funny but did not say anything.

He asked me when I thought I would be able to go back to work. I said I did not know and the fact that I will be getting all F's for the semester I did not complete makes it so I still have an entire year before school is complete. He said just tell them that your @sshole H left you when you had cancer for OW. People can understand that. Play me off as the bad guy. I looked at him and said that there was nothing to "play". He looked down and said yeah, he knew he was the bad guy. I just let it drop.

He brought up that he is feeling frusterated because he has gained some weight. I asked how much and he said 15 lbs....it looked a little more than that to me but who cares. He told me that he has just been eating too much ice cream. Part of me was like "Um, hello, last night you are telling me how poor you are and you can only eat raisin bran cereal because you are so broke. Now the story is changing." Of course it is changing. He cant tell me the truth to save his life right now. He wants to take his girlfriend out and cant because he cant manage money. Funny, I seem to be able to SAVE money during this period. His journey.

As I was sitting across from him I felt like I was not connected to him anymore. I felt like I was just sitting with someone that I had know for awhile, that is it. He is still trying to show me the path to enlightenment, yet he his is still so lost. He keeps trying to convince me how happy he is in his life yet complains about how he is feeling, complains about his his job and complains that he has so much baggage he is carrying around. I am just shaking my head on the inside because I know I am no longer apart of his drama. He did let it slip that his OW has said a few harsh things about me. I just responded that I did not care what she thought of me. SHe was not a part of my world at all. That was his world.

As he was leaving he made a comment about how he hoped somebody or other didnt make me feel bad. I dont quite remember the reference. I just looked at him and smiled really big and said "STBXH, no one can make me feel bad.I get to chose how I feel and I chose to feel happy." He looked at me and said he was so glad to hear me say that. For so long I would say "but you made me feel this way, but you made me feel that way..." about him. Told him I guess I finally grew up.

He asked if he could drive me home and I said no thank you. I wanted to enjoy the day so would walk. As I was walking away he yelled over at me thank you. I just smiled and said your welcome. As he drove past me he honked and waved and I just kept smiling becuase it did not hurt that he was leaving.

Read that he admitted to living part time with OW. I know it kinda hurts to hear that, but if you are like me, its a RELIEF to hear the truth sometimes, isn't it? He is talking so openly with you because he feels safe around you. He has 'nothing' to lose anymore, since he already lost you. Make sense?



This made me laugh because OW used to talk smack about me too. Yup, she told H to tell me I was a whore. Um, K. You responded correctly to H, and honestly, her bad-talking you made her look negative in H's eyes anyway.



I thought you and me were in the same spot emotionally, but here proves that you are doing much better than me in situations like this. That's great!!!

All in all, good talk. Glad you accepted his invite to have coffee.

*hugs*

lwb, we all come to our own path at our own time. There will be a time when you look at your ex and say "I no longer want that." It is a very freeing feeling. I know we are suppose to be fighting for our M here, but there is only so long you can get kicked before you say I am going to move out of range. You are strong. You too will make it through. I am saddend by the man he chose to become but understand that this is his choice. I must live my own path instead of focusing on his journey. If we are meant to be then the good man I once knew will emerge and he will make it very clear that he wants to R. I dont see that happening so have chosen to move on. Honestly, I dont think I could ever trust him again anyway. He continues to lie and lie and lie. I can not even imagine how that must erode his soul, but it is his choice to live this type of life. I am wishing you the best.

Thanks for the hug Ready. Hope you are doing well.

Once again I had a wonderful night last night. My STBXH showed up at 6:30 instead of the 6pm that he was suppose to be here. I just smiled and said hi, then left. I did not have plans until 8pm so went next door and had a glass of wine with my neighbor. We laughed and had some good goosip time. After I left I went and picked up my other friend. We went to this really nice resturaunt and had a great time together. She always makes me smile as well. Whenever I go out I am always home by 10. Well, last night time got away from me and I got home at 10:20 instead. When I walked in the door I said "Oh, sorry I'm late." He had his stuff all packed up and ready to go and had a pissed off look on his face. In his grouchy voice he said "Next time you need to call." then stormed out the door.

I just stood there with a big smile on my face because for the first time I did not give a flying f!ck what he thought of me or that he was even mad. All I kept thinking was how many times were you late with me and I did not get a phone call. Must suck to get a taste of your own medicine. Then I check my email and I get this message:

I just wanted to clarify what I was asking for. (Um, he never asked for anything, just stormed out)

I have no problem staying later than 10 if you're running late I would just like a call letting me know you are running late.

While I don't normally have any place to be, tonight I have to go back to the office and needed to communicate when with several people. (personally I think this is BS because he never said anything to me about it)

Thank you and hope you had a great night.

Gotta love all his peaceful harmony he keeps sending my way. I mean, he hopes I had a great night yet storms out the door all pissed off. Again, I just had to smile really big because he is such a faker. He left a book on my desk for me to read : Everyday Blessings, The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. Maybe he wants me to mindfully parent him? After all he is acting like a teenager right now.

Hope everyone is doing well.

My STBX SIL came over last night. First time I have seen her since I moved home. She is a really fun person and I always enjoy her company. We started to talk about STBXH (no bashing on my part at all) and her comment to me was that she and her H (stbxh bro) are just stunned at the way he has changed. She said it happend so drastically as well. They never saw it coming. I said "How do you thin I feel?" She told me that they went out for drinks together and had a great time, then STBXH called her to apologise for being so judgmental towards her in the past. She said that they both thought, ok, maybe he is turning into a good guy. Within two weeks he was pulling some of the same selfish stuff again. She even said that it is like he is trying to re-invent himself so is talking all of the peaceful, compassionate stuff, but is not really living the life.

He does not talk about his OW to the at all and they have not met her. I told her that they are living together at this point. She just shook her head. It is all so sad that he could just change like this so quickly. I have to learn to just let that go. I will never understand why he did it, so there just seems to be no reason to keep asking why. Yet I still do. Hopefully one day soon I just wont care anymore. Even though I loved seeing her, it made me very sad as well. A reminder of what was being broken by him. <Sigh> I truly hope one day he at least grow up and regret what he did. I know there is no gaurentee, but it would sure be nice if that happend.