Had a day's holiday today and went to pick up S6 this morning bout 9 - then back to my new place where e have had a ball hammering, sawing, bashing and so on...
W been out on her bike all day...
Dropped s6 back at home bout 7.
A really good day.
I am going climbing with him tomorrow night - we're meeting one of his school pals there with his mum.
have decided there's more to plumbing than meets the eye!11
KBO - GFI
Last edited by GFI; 10/27/0809:08 PM.
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Am working on the loving detachment as much as I can...while W seems in a hurry to get external validation and happiness from someone else I am not. Although I am wondering if her primary LL is physical and I failed to home in on that key bit of information previously - this might account for the OM?
Continue to find it hard going to my old home to spend the night with S6 - while she is with OM...this is a real Catch 22 cos I want to see S6 but that holds up progress on my place - which is far from ready for him to spend the night...was up to 2 in the morning the other night trying to get carpet down.
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
We're in a similar sitch. My W spends her time away from our boys with her bf for the same reasons - external validation and happiness.
Frustrates me that if w would spend half the effort on our marriage as her om we would have a fighting chance with our marriage.
Yeah you have to leave the hope behind to complete the grieving - I've been holding myself in the process for 8 months with no good.
I'm in NZ but originally from Chesterield (derbyshire) Used to climb in the peaks heaps. Sometimes wished i should never have left.
I've tried to be my wifes friend - we go out for family trips and meals etc. It doesen't work. We'll be having a great time and then S5 will mention om and reality hits.
If you spend time with W you never get over them - it would be nice to be friends at some stage but i think that could be years down the track.
I should think NZ knocks spots off Chesterfield! But i guess you always have an affinity to your home town! You may have worked out I'm not far from there - I use the route through Stoney Middleton / past Chatsworth through to Chesterfield quite regularly to get through to the M1...
"Frustrates me that if w would spend half the effort on our marriage as her om we would have a fighting chance with our marriage" - I can relate to this!!!
The most aggravating thing for me is that the things W does with OM are the things we used to do before S6 came along and would have done/could do if we could make sure S6 was looked after - but we can't do these things together because of that difficulty - but that seems to reflect on me where that is simply a consequence of being parents...and it seems to put OM in a much stronger position. I know there's loads more to it than that - but that simplistic analysis is how it feels sometimes.
Again - thanks for stopping by - I appreciate it...
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
GFi brings back memories Chatsworth Stony Middleton Does the m1 still resemble a carpark sometimes ?
Yeah i'm with you - my W has been pregnant breatfeeding and exhausted for the last 8 years. Wouldn't leave the kids wouldn't / couldn't go out. Wouldn't trust any baby sitters
And now she has areliable sitter (me) while she goes and does all the things with OM that I've been wanting to do with her for years. So frustrating.
It seems wrong that the pressure of having children is enougth to end the parents relationship.
I was far from perfect but i would be more than perfect in the future. Don't think waw are able to contemplate positive changes in their marriage for the future. all they can see is om and how bad it was when married
everhope - just spent some time reading through your thread...we do seem to be in a similar spot - although my W and I have stopped having the R talks - although we do seem to relate well on a friends level.
T reckon we both know what needs to be done - but the everhope side of us wants to keep an unhelpful foot in the door so we don't miss a trick...
I think its time for a leap of faith - to lovingly detach and see what transpires. you, like I, will have to have lots of interactions with W - cos of children. The thing is, we won't be able to guilt or persuade our W's into coming back to us - they will only come back to us if they choose to - that means that they have to exercise free will...which ergo means that we have to stop looking for strings to pull...
i'm starting to get the hang of GALing...and staying as friendly with W is definitely paying off with S6 - i was very very worried about him but he seems to be dealing with things pretty well...although I'm well aware that things could be rumbling on under the surface...
The M1 gets no better!!! Remember Gardoms and Birchens??? Which is the one with the column???
best - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
I can't really relax around my wife - just hurt me too much - it's like trying to relax around an electric fence after it's shocked you repeatedly.
Too true - my W has even said to me i'm keeping the door open just in case she comes back.
She's spending the weekend with OM - f****ing tears me apart every time - should be getting used to it by now.
Yeah absolutely i agree completely - there is nothing we can do but let our respective wives decide. I've been pulling all the strings i realise but very subconciously. My w has said "there is nothing you can do or say to make me come back"
I'm just a dog with a bone who doesen't know when to quit.
I'm not doing that well on GAL - this separation thing has really knocked me and i'm bloody depressed. Doing anything is major effort. I was keen kitesurfer but even that requires effort to do now.
Keep your eyes on S6 - my 5 year is handling it well but 8 year old is suffering a bit. I think the younger ones handle it better but also say less so you never know what is going on.
More memories - climbed at Birchems heaps (closest crag). Presume the column must be at Gardoms - i've climbed there but not much.
went to my first coaching meeting - which was about how volunteers can get involved in sports coaching in schools - looks / sounds good...need to think now how i am going to fit this in - its something i really want to get involved in but logistics are going to be hard...
have a couple of options to consider - i really want to get involved in helping out with tennis or badminton - or climbing if thats a possibility - as thats also something i've done a lot of - the tennis and badminton are less sure ground for me cos although i've played plenty as an enthusiastic participant, i'm less confident about my ability to coach...and the simple fact is those sports are less in demand 2helping out wise2 in manchester. Also the guy leading the session mentioned demand from some special schools - helping out with their sports development - this is safe ground for me as i've worked in special schools a lot in my previous job - although the pure coaching bit would be much less there - more all round development of physical abilities - but then - the help they're looking for will be most likely in the school day - which will be hard to fit in with work...
Seems that most of the folks there were students - i work in a uni - and the programme attracts mainly students looking for opportunities for cv enhancement - good idea i think - but i was surprised to find few staff...
Also - news! I have S6 at my place tonight!!! anyone reading will have read that to date i have been returning home to spend time with S6 overnight while W spends her nights with OM - and this has been the only way i can see s6 - who - from this point forward I will call H, and while this has been great - i have found this state of affairs very difficult to deal with...
anyhow - tonight - i got home to do my stint as my W was due to go running and then to pub no doubt with OM and then to his...I bit the bullet and said that i thought we had agreed for H to come to mine - and although there is the small issue about heating - i have none! i have portable heat and assured her I can make sure he's safe and so I have H here...we've played, laughed, done more house jobs etc etc. I love him more than words can express - he's so inquisitive and excited about the world - wants to know everything right now!!! Get this - i had to explain the meaning of exchange rates the other night - cos he heard that the pound had moved cents above or below the dollar and so ...well - how do you explain that to a 6 year old - anyway - as luck would have it he had bought 50p worth of strawberry bon bons! So we ended up thinking about how things would work out in Strawberry Bon Bon land if things got more expensive if someone from the uk wanted to go visit! It stretches my brain more helping him sort out the world than work does! And I love it!!!!
Got days leave tomorrow - hopefully a chance to get some serious house sorting done - and Saturday also - and then...Sunday - am doing a mini- mountain marathon with W!!!
We'll be good at it - we combine well together with that sort of thing. but of course - and I'm well rehearsed in this by now - I have no expectations - and actually i don't - I'm simply looking forward to it.
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
