Treese, I am so sorry you are hurting this badly as your anniversary approaches. I cannot tell you if your h will be thinking of you or not. I don't actually think it helps you to know that. No one is going to say give up on your marriage, but I am going to stick my neck out and say give up on your husband -you can say -for now if you wish. You have to get yourself into a stronger and healthier frame of mind, for your sake and for the sake of your children,particularly the younger ones. I was in very similar shoes to you and I know how hard it is and how much it hurts.I also know until I gave up hope and actually believed all the words my h told me as yours is doing that I was in hell. When I gave up I very slowly started to heal and it was very slowly but it took me step by step away from the black hole that had become my life. I think you are dealing with this so much better than I did, especially given the fact that your H has been unfaithful before and has a child (as yet to be proven I know) From my perspective now, the convo you had about your H asking you if you wern't tired of crying etc... I felt he was actually trying to help you and in his own peculiar way help you to move on. I know you can do this, you have been doing but this date is looming over you plus you want to know the results, so be kind to yourself for a little while but please do not stay in this place. I was 10 years older than you when it happened and we had been together over 40 years, 31 married so I am not saying this is easy believe me I was suicidal, but I was saved by a great team of professionals. I still in away love my x but I regret giving him another 4years of my life after he left. I think I said this before but celebrate your children your h is not the man you married now and may never be again, but you are still you and you have an amazing family. Celebrate that. (((()))))
Something I have been doing that really does make me feel better.
When I pray which is often or just when I begin to think about things, I try to thank God for the blessings we have. We have a roof over our heads, food on the table, our health, our kids, a car that runs............
I try to focus on that more than other things these days.
Does that make sense?
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
HI everyone....I am very thankful for several things including all of you...I would not make it through if it weren't for all your support, prayers, & hugs....
NO, I haven't stopped crying since yesterday...its off and on but I feel as though I've been betrayed all over again...I know I need to get past it but it's going to be in my own time...
Here's what happened last night....grrrrrrrrrrrrr
I ended up going to a football game party...I felt I needed to get away....I had asked H if he could keep son for another night cause I had places to go....he had the nerve to say, "where you going"...I just said I had a few places to go...possibly wouldnt be last but I had been crying so much that I wasn't sure if I was going....I didn't want son home to see in that state....I was a mess....I didn't even talk to him on the phone cause he would have heard it in my voice....I don't want my son feeling bad at all...
Well, I did leave about 3 and went to the party....they all gave me a strong drink and wow...but I didn't feel so tense I was relaxing...well about 8:00 I get a phone call and it was my son...he was asking me if a friend could spend the night...I said, "where's your dad"...he said, "on the couch"...I said I thought you were spending the night with him again...then I said let me talk to your dad....when he got on the phone I said, "we talked about this earlier...I thought you were going to keep him again, " he said, "that's not what you said"...WTF? yes I did...he said, "all you said was you were going to friends and might not go"....now whether I decided to go or not he knew I wanted him to keep my son again....H said, "well, I have work that this and that"....I don't care.....WTF....I was ticked...I told him I wouldn't be home at least until 10....I got home at 10:15 and walked straight to the kitchen...I didn't even want to look at him...he disgusts me right now....He walked by to go say goodbye to son and I was in the kitchen with my back turned to him....he said goodbye and I didn't turn around at all...couldn't ...then he left.....
OK.....He has me where he wants me, right? How do I get out of this....I want him to wonder what I'm doing....not to make him jealous but to think I'm doing just fine without him....I need strength from somewhere but I feel like my body is giving out on me....I feel weak, tired, I'm DRAINED......
and the more it seems I pray the worse the situation gets....keeps me from praying....
Last edited by Treese; 10/19/0801:00 PM.
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Don't stop praying. One thing I have learned is that I first I have to pray for myself. For changes in me. For strength to endure and for God to just be in control.
They only remember what they want to remember. I can't tell you how many times I know I said something or H said something to be told it was never said. Just keep plugging along. Get some sleep.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
Oh in all that was said yesterday....I told him he promised to grow old with me and his response was..."I am OLD!"..shows you they are thinking about their life and ONLY THEIR life....
Today also I am drained....mentally, physically, every way soooo...I am going to be a bum today...just hang around home with my kids and love on them...I have so much more than H will ever have....they are my life....and yes....I am blessed...
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Don't take his words to heart!!!!! Let it go! I know it is hard to do and they can say many hurtful things but consider it being the MLC talking.
You are getting sucked back in by your H. Maybe a little distance will help for a while. I know when my H would disappear for weeks on end I would start to feel better and get myself under control again.
You are right to take care of you and your kids today. You need that. Just relax and be good to yourself and stop worrying about your H!!!
Also, they cannot remember things from one minute to the next!
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
MWG...you are right...they don't remember one minute to the next..cause he totally said I didn't tell him he was going to keep my son again...you start to feel like you're going nuts....like..."did I say it"...but I know I did....then you get mad.....
I do feel better when I don't see him....but then when I do...I get all ticked off again....
I digging for that last bit of strength....I hope I can stretch it.....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese, I was going to suggest that you go read Sanderika's post on Barbs thread but it has just disappeared, Sanderika gave a very moving and honest recount of how she felt when she left her first husband and children for a married man and whome she stayed with for I think 5-10 years. She said whilst she missed her children she never gave a thought to her H. Now that could just be her and many insist they do think about things, but maybe not quite in the way we would like to think. It was just a different pov from what we are told and straight from the horses mouth so to speak not hearsay and presumptions. I really hope you can stretch that strength, I am sure you can if you put your mind to it. I will say again though until you truly let your H go you will continue to prolong your pain and suffering. You cannot control a thing he does, nothing you say to him will get through as he is now. You can control you,your thoughts and your life, not easy at all but not impossible. I hope tomorrow you find the courage and strength and resolve to move ahead, to say enough to the pain and heartache you go through and stop the what if's and might be's. What was might never be again in fact it won't it could be a whole lot better. Your H might wake up and return but it would still be a new relationship, not just a return to what was. The new relationship might be wonderful and so much better than the old one. First you have to get yourself healed and happy before that can happen. If your going to stand it means being upright, not bent double or on your knees from too much pain and heartache. Get digging for that strength Treese. You can do it. Hugs to you (((())))
