Ok I just read this post, and now I am not going to assume the H went to OW's house at 3:15 in the morning this morning. Maybe he went to work or is just out driving. Who knows. But I wont assume!
Friends, I am not feeling very good today. I had a bit of a back slide this morning.
Things with H had been improving, up until a couple of days before his birthday. Then I started to see some of his MLC behavior again. Well, we forged thru his b'day, but I could still sense a change. The individual incidents have been outlined in my posts, but I was semi-uneasy and could not quite put my finger on it. I guess just lots of little things.
I knew that the EA's H had been calling him and thought that maybe he was having some convos with her again. Well, he is not talking to the EA, but he has been making and receiving calls to another woman. Note sure who she is, but the days and times insure that it is not work related. The duration of the calls are all pretty brief, he calls her, and then she calls him right back. 1 and 2 minute calls each. I have a very bad feeling about this. I don't mind telling you that I am scared.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Well. The good news is that explains his wild mood swings and his irrational anger at you.
But that doesn't make things any easier for you, and it's ok to be scared.
I assume you snooped at cell phone records? I know some will slap you for snooping but, um, I say ignorance is bliss but knowledge is power. How you use the knowledge is the important part.
Oh, and ((((((((((1hope)))))))))))
Do you have absolute proof it is a woman? without a doubt there is no reason for contact other than an EA?
If so, what do YOU want to do?
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
Do you have absolute proof it is a woman? without a doubt there is no reason for contact other than an EA?
Ok. Here goes....the calls are all too short to be an EA. I'm wondering, maybe, drugs? i.e. weed or coke?
H walked on that side of the road prior to us. I Will NOT tolerate that and he knows it. But I was thinking that with all the other MLC stuff he could be taking a stroll thru that part of bachelor park.
Yes, it's a woman. If it is who I think it is, the drugs would be the only reason that he would be talking to her.
They can slap me if they want. I will always listen to the little voice inside me. Knowledge is power. I don't think there is anything that I can do except pray, watch, listen and wait. At least now I know why he was getting sideways on me again.
Last edited by 1hope; 10/09/0807:42 PM.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
I am so sorry for this. I hate that he has gone backward, and maybe on to a bad tangent. I know I have had to really try and stop my looking at my H's phone. But just like when my friend's tell me they seem them together. I want to know but then don't want to know.
After I found out about the OW, and the cell phone company sent a detailed billing because we went from 300 total min a month to over 800, I looked back there too, to see exactly when they were in contact with each other.
I will be thinking about you tonight take care of yourself.
That would certainly explain his mood swings and his concern about the way you 'lied' about the accounts and he acts so upset and now wants to control his own money.
Any chance his job does random drug testing? my company has zero tolerance and if I tested positive I am unemployed.
If you took some of his hair would you be able to get follicle testing done without his consent? All the privacy act laws are getting tough to work around them.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
The company that he works for now does not do drug testing, so that's out.
My employer also has zero tolerance, but that has never been an issue for me. I would rather have a good glass of wine or a perfect martini any old day. Always have.
H on the other had grew up with a class that smoked a lot of weed. And I believe played around with some other things. Mostly coke. My first maritial life was pretty sheltered and I didn't really "get" that H was so casual about or committed to the alternative happy hour choices...until we had been together for a while. We finally came to a point in the road where I said, sorry, you choose, the weed, or me. He chose me and we never really looked back. In fact, he would often tell people how much better he felt now, and how the pot had effected him without him realizing it. We had even been to parties where someone would pass a joint and I could see him from elsewhere in the room. He would pass it by. Somehow, I think this all links to the MLC and him reliving those wild and free days.
I guess there isn't much that I can do about my concern. Just wait it out and see what happens. Something will, it always does. I would never get his hair tested, he isn't my child he's my H. I can't control his actions and I guess if he chooses this route I have to believe that he will eventually be revealed.
Something is already working in his life. He was home when I got here last night. He had arranged a contractor to come and look at doing some work at our home, and my parents were coming for a "late" b'day celebration for H. It was good to have people in the house and it took away some of the tention H has hanging around him these days.
After everyone left H went in and layed down on the couch and began to tell me about the horrible, terrible day that he had at work. He was very angry about a job he had been pulled from and where he had been newly assigned. I listened to what he was saying, and I was shocked. His angry behaviour to his boss was so childish and petty. He would have been fired by my employeer. The funny thing is, his boss is his friend, and the brother of H's EA. He is younger than H and actually worked for my H when he was getting his start in the business. Now he owns his own company, and H is working for him! Hmmm. One of the things that I said to H last night was "H, you can't react like that to X. You are an employee, not the owner." He said Yeah.
It came time for bed and he was still on the couch. He said, why don't you go up and get the bed warm and I will be up in a minute, I promise. I said ok. Well, I woke up this morning alone. He had never come up to bed. So much for his promises.
Anyway, it was quite late, past time when he should be ready for work and he was just coming in from the hot tub. I have today off and of course he did not remember that. You guessed it, he was angry and venting and mean to me. He wasn't going to go to work "f" them! He was spewing and lashing at everything. He said that I was the puppetmaster and trying to keep him down my saying that "he was only an employee" and I could see that he was clearly trying to distort the things that I had said to him last night. I responded by saying that H, was are all employees, and unless you have another job lined up, in this economy you need to do the things that your boss expects, whether you like it or not. You are very talented. Don't make people not see that by having a difficult personality. Wow. That seemed to calm him for a moment.
Then he started on me. He told me that I needed to accomplish someting in the house today. He asked me what I would be doing on my day off, and told me to clean the laundry room....now filled with his tools, golf equipment and hunting gear. Ummmm, who is the puppetmaster? He went on to say that I am only clattering along in my life. That I am stumbling thru in a drugged and menopausal state. Ouch, that hurt! Blow below the belt there. Yes, the pill that I have to take for the next 5 years to help prevent the cancer from returning puts you into early menopause. It does that by removing all of the estrogen from your system. Since my cancer tested estrogen positive, the docs thought I was lucky! It's a good thing that additional treatment can be given with this little pill. Some women are not so lucky. H knew this at the time. Guess he has forgotten.
This really isn't about me. It is all about him, and I am just along for the ride. These little peaks at the alien sometimes make me feel better. They really remind me that I can't make sense out of his crazyness.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
