Hey Didi, I'm glad you started your new thread. Here are some suggestions you might do. I like the beer idea, how about getting his favorite snack for the game also? Here are some other suggestions, a pretty night gown, a bbq for a few of his friends and their wives, a flirty little text or email during the day, kissing him good bye and hello.
Here is the question I wanted to ask you. First of all how long were you involved with OM? What made you respond to your H? Ultimatums or him GALing? In moments of anger I have given my H ultimatums and they just seemed to backfire on him and make him mad. I think what I gather from you, the best thing for the LBS to do is to be the best person they can be and don't pursue act like you are moving on but don't be rude when you see them. Don't "tell" the WAS they have to get rid of OP, because that will only happen when the WAS is ready.
What made you want to be with your H after your affair?
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
When I would be out at a store, I ALWAYS thought about her and get her a little something. No matter how small. A candy bar. A little snow globe from the dollar store. A little stuffed animal. Something. She hardly ever did that for me.
When she did, it would just fill my heart.
Also touching. Driving in the car, and her reaching over and puting her hand on my thigh. Or grabbing my hand to hold it. Or taking my hand and puting it.....well, you know.
Also while driving, her reaching over and playing with the back of my neck. Playing with my hair or something.
While with another couple, having her put her head on my shoulder or playing with my neck again.
Her coming and sitting next to me or laying with me and having her put my arm around her. Our laying in bed, on our stomache's, shoulder to shoulder, watching a movie and playing footsy.
Her giving me a quick flash. A quick lift of a top or a quick hike of a skirt.
"...these are a few of my fav-o-rite things....."
Yes, the little things that I miss more and more each and every day and night.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
What makes me happy? Really, kids aside, it is the little things. When W would give me a hug for no reason. When she would wink, for no reason. That kind of thing. Making me feel special and appreciated. Gosh I miss that. And it didn't happen very often.
Also, I am a giver by nature, so doing something for other ranks right up there.
What makes me happy now? The last few days walking around downtown, it is making eye contact with the ladies and getting a smile. Getting noticed I guess. Take that to your sitch wdid - just notice. That goes a long way.
Take care sweetie. You are very special and your H is one hell of a lucky guy. I am jealous.
Last edited by lost_in_space; 10/16/0804:58 AM.
LIS
M45 WW 43 D17/S14/D11
ILYB Jan 08 PA Conf Feb 08 OMW / OM contacted S Jan / 09
No one ever has, or ever will, escape the consequences of their actions.
Thanks for the ideas everyone. I need to continue to break down some of those awful walls I have to soften my heart to do some of those things. You wouldn't believe I still have those walls, but I do. I truly appreciate my close DB friends. What would I do without you guys/gals?
Yoyo,
I'll answer your questions. YOu asked how long I was involved with OM. I was with two different OM. Each one was about a year and a half or so. In between I "came back", but H never did anything to "change", at that time, and my life was miserable as I knew it.
What made me respond to my H? When I was with the OM the only times I would respond to my H was when he stood up for himself on something, but I would respond in anger. I can tell you what I think I would have done if he gave me an ultimatum.....I think I would have stopped all the crap, but I would have been a huge *itch to him. If he gave me an ultimatum, and I felt he was going to continue on as usual and our life would be the same, I would have felt I needed to leave him. I was depressed at the time, and our life together was making me physically ill and severely depressed.
He continued to always be respectful of me even when I was disrespecting him. For the three years of my affairs and our separationg, my H didn't "know" about the OM (I put the know in quotation marks because I truly believe he knew down deep but didn't WANT to know and was hard to fathom). Maybe that's how he was able to continue being respectful of me.
The things that made me take notice was when he went to counseling on his own and started to make changes. He would be loving to me even when I was mean to him. It was almost like a sick test of mine....will he stick it out...he's caused me so much pain and I had stuck with him, will he keep "loving me" if I continue shunning him like he did?...... He kept at it. It was then that I knew we had a chance. I told myself that if he asked or I had a chance to tell him about the affairs I would. I did. We both cried, it was awful, and I asked him to come home then and there.
When I was with the OM, no matter how much love I felt with them, something ALWAYS kept me from leaving my H. Hope. I knew my H was a very good man and he continued to show me that goodness in many ways, even during our separation. I knew the OM couldn't compare to him in many ways. What I got from the OM was the "in love feelings", sexual desire/passion, and emotions that always seemed to be lacking from my H.
Yes, I did have to decide on my own, that I wanted to be with my H. My decision to stay is based on my belief that life with H will be better after some repair work, that I don't want to split up time with my son, that I believe the "misery stage" we went through is something you go through with any relationship eventually, and I learned that love is a choice. Books helped me a lot, a priest helped me a lot, this forum helped me a lot, and my understanding H helped me more than ever. He never gave up on me or our marriage. Ever.
THere are more details and more I could say, but that sums it up. Feel free to ask more questions. It's hard to explain those 3-4 years so compactly.
WDID, reading your post in answer to Yoyo's question really made some sense to me. I also see in the posts about what make people happy, the things that make me happy, but more about what I know would have made him happy and I chose not to do. Your input on this site has been very helpful to me to see the "other side" of things. Thanks.
Maybe it would be a good idea to set a goal for yourself. Sounds kinda corny but try for a week to do 1 thing everyday for H. No matter how small, but 1 thing that will let him know he is on your mind. Even if its just a brush of your hand as you walk by...its the little things that mean the most.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
My H and I went to see Fireproof. This is a movie I am going to be recommending to any spouse who wants to stay married, even when the other one doesn't. It kind of takes your idea.....do one thing every day idea.....for 40 days......
Anyway, it was a nice day. Later that night I downloaded some of the music from the movie and we listened to it and I snuggled next to him. I felt happy and sad all at the same time. We have so far to go yet, and I need to put our lives in God's hands more and I need to get right with God. Until we are there, we can continue showing love but it won't make a difference.
WHILE I'M WAITING
I知 waiting I知 waiting on You, Lord And I am hopeful I知 waiting on You, Lord Though it is painful But patiently, I will wait
I will move ahead, bold and confident Taking every step in obedience
While I知 waiting I will serve You While I知 waiting I will worship While I知 waiting I will not faint I値l be running the race Even while I wait
I知 waiting I知 waiting on You, Lord And I am peaceful I知 waiting on You, Lord Though it痴 not easy But faithfully, I will wait Yes, I will wait
I will serve You while I知 waiting I will worship while I知 waiting I will serve You while I知 waiting I will worship while I知 waiting I will serve You while I知 waiting I will worship while I知 waiting on You, Lord
