Hey, Karen, I hope you and your kids get to feeling better. There's certainly something gong around.
I hate to say it but if you don't respect yourself, you can bet your H won't. But I understand the need and the desire to keep peace -- it's in your nature after all and something highly commendable. But your H takes advantage of that and that is how he abuses your good will. Meekness is a Godly virtue, but it does not mean becoming someone's doormat, not at all.
There is a balance, and I truly believe you are wise enough to find it. I agree with others who are asking you to consider your own interests before your H's, for your children's sake as well as your own. There is certainly no need to provoke or antagonize him unnecessarily, but I also think you need not concern yourself if he happens to take offense at your defending yourself and your interests -- by him getting upset it is his problem, not yours.
And any time you feel the need to try to soothe the ruffled feathers of your irritable H, even at the risk of your own interests, and if you ever feel your resolve wavering in the face of H's intimidation, I would suggest you think to yourself how you would feel and how you would react if your H, or anyone else on the planet, were to ever treat either of your children in such a fashion. I know you would find that steel in your backbone were you to also consider that any offense against yourself and your interests were also an attack on your two young ones. Motherly defense of your cubs will go a long way to helping you find your resolve (I'd dare-say you might even want to roundhouse the cur if you just so much as seriously consider how he continues to threaten your children's long-term security.) Get that fire in you belly... then temper it with that natural Christian patience and compassion of yours, so endearing to us all, and you will then find your balance to proceed with what you know needs to be done.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Hey guys! Just getting to check in and I can't believe how awesome the posts are! But you are awesome friends, so I guess I shouldn't be surprised! I'm going to have to print out most of them and save them to read when I'm feeling in a weaker mood.
All good stuff! You're right I can't be concerned anymore about H's feelings, need to focus on the kids and myself to some extent who is trying to take care of them. I need to find out the book BH read, it sounds good, and I do want to work on my boundaries and those issues before I would have any future R's. Although I also hope not to get involved with someone that is very much into pushing my boundaries so much also.
Actually still have the flu and D8 as well. I did take her to the afterschool program today and I did, since I'm one of the teachers and they don't have any extras. They had done a brochure asking for volunteers in the church bulletin but I think a lot of moms either work or have babies or whatever. I still enjoyed it, but with that and hsing today I lost my voice by 6:40 when H got here. I had planned to lay down and rest at that time b/c I didn't have any chance to rest today before that, and my throat was killing me. I feel much better after taking a 2 hour nap! Then I basically woke up as H was walking out the door. I did see him once or twice today, but he didn't say hi to me (never does really) and for a change I ignored him b/c I do normally say hi and bye. Just felt too sick or whatever to even be polite, I wasn't mad or angry or anything. And gosh, if it was me, I'd be asking "How're you feeling? or something, and he didn't say a word. Didn't expect him to of course.
I did notice that the 2 times I was there, both times H happened to be there like looking at me. In the hallway when D8 came in my room right in front of my door, and when I came to help D8 with the computer he came out into the kitchen to get ice cubes. Maybe a tiny bit of him actually worried about how I was or something, and he couldn't bring himself to ask. Who knows?
I know I have a great life though: great kids, great friends, faith, health, and everything else. I am really grateful for all I have. Thanks y'all.
Get better karen. Your H really doesn't deserve to have someone like you. He could have said something. Anything. "Don't die" would at least have been something.
We all need to count our blessings. Your such a sweety.
Me 47, WW 38 SS18, D15, D10
Good Bye Girl. No longer SAYING she's moving out. GBG moved out 8-1-08
"I have now decided to enjoy life instead of figure it out."
