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Thanks guys...

Yes Christmas is hard.

It's a time for family and togetherness.

I have told H that I want the kids Christmas Eve and Christmas day till 3pm. He can pick them up then. Also I told him I would like the kids on New Year's Eve.
I am ok with this arrangement...although it's very tough to get used to us just not being together as a family.
Also, other years, H would come by and celebrate Christmas with us. I am thinking whether I should ask H to join me and the kids for lunch/brunch on Christmas day...then again...why should it be up to me again?!

H agreed to what I wanted. Thank God. I just told the kids about it...I cried a bit. But just told them it had nothing to do with having to share them with their daddy, but that sometimes I have trouble sharing them with the ow. They were so sweet ! And they didn't want to be with them on New Year's eve...so I'm glad that I asked for that day.


I'm wondering whether I should now ask him for Christmas Day.

YES! You most certainly should ask for Christmas Day. Cinders, Real Journey has your h pegged. He's manipulating in a very nice way, but you don't always have to do what he suggested. You need to think about what you want and what you want to share w/your children, just as he does. Nothing says you have to give in to all of his nicely put "demands". Cinders, start thinking about what you want and do not worry about whether or not this will affect the way he thinks about you.

It's time for Cinders and what she wants out of life.

I asked ! I sent him a TM ....

'Would you like to join the kids and me on Christmas day for lunch, before you take them with you? If you'd rather not celebrate it with me, I understand. I don't need an answer now, you're welcome to join us even at the last minute.'

Well that was that !

And yes Snodderly, I agree that Real Journey has my H pegged !

Cinders sits here thinking what she wants ! Deciding what dreams I want now ! xxxx

Hi Cinders, sorry real life strikes again.
Is it possible that you could alternate big holidays like Christmas and Easter. Starting with you first of course. Have you a child visitation order in place or whatever it's called.
Good for you offering to share your lunch with him, maybe you could write your own christmas cracker message for him. Do you have crackers with jokes and gifts and motto's inside? I guess you do.
Maybe the novelty of having his children around at holiday times will wear off especially when they decide to be less than fun around OW. Festivities often used to reduce my normally v happy well behaved kids into monsters---too much excitement I think and we often had tears before bedtime when they were young.
Now I can't get them out of bed til nearly lunch!
Hope theres a knight in shining armour in those dreams,you deserve him.

Hi Naej !!!

So nice of you to drop by ! Thanks for wishing the Knight in Shining armour for me ! hahaha !

I loved your story about the kids ! Time flies, doesn't it ?!

Take care xxx

Hi Cinders,

It's been awhile since I posted to you but I still follow along. Just wanted to stop by and say hello.

Hi MrsH !

I've been keeping up with you too !! I truly understand your moments of sadness and the loss of your dreams. ((((hugs)))))

Its good yr H "let" you have the kids on yr schedule.

I did the same last year but this its different. ITs his turn to have the kids for both big holidays, which means I dont get to wake up w/ them xmas morning and I dont get them until xmas afternoon to then have to return them back that evening:(

This will be my first time w/ out them fulltime.
So be happy you still get to call the shots...

Chicki, I'm not only happy, but EXTREMELY GREATFUL that it can be this way. Sometimes we get caught up in the hurt and don't see that there are things to be greatful for !

I am sorry that you don't get the major days this year, it must be very hard and sad...((((hugs)))) my thoughts will be with you.

Cinders, my heart goes out to you on having to deal with what should be a non-issue.

I still haven't been challenged with the holiday issue since my W isn't close with her mom. Her mom has a tendency to do something else on the holidays anyway since she is the master guilt manipulator in our lives.

I said to my W ahead of time about the holidays that I want to make sure that the kids see her because it is important to them and to me. She ended up saying that she can come over Christmas morning before my sister and BIL get there (they are not understanding about my W leaving). She is fine with my mom being there because my mom still loves her and is very patient about the situation.

I am not trying to make you angry at the OW but I strongly feel that she is manipulating your H to go overboard in his having the children on the holidays and to include her as the faux mom to the children. Her self esteem and controlling issues will eventually come back to haunt her. And your H will remember how strong but fair, kind and loving you have been.

The OW is a very, very sad and tragic person. She will never be happy because she can only cause discord for others. I know I don't know her but anyone who can be fine with being with a married person and seek to intervene in family issues, specifically children are very selfish.

Hugs coming your way, Cinders!

mmf