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I thought I wrote a reply to this...

I'm glad to hear that you are taking steps to meet new people again. I know it can be tedious; I, too, get tired of making the effort to get out and do things with new people, as most of my friends are M with young children.

I hope you had a good day, despite the party.

Nicola

Your H should've thought to ask D13 bring a friend (and allowed it, once she asked), but there ya are ... he's not thinking about anyone else, but himself. Even though this seems like he's doing this wonderful thing for his mum, and he's all lovey dovey with the OW .... ultimately, it's all about him, and what he wants at this moment in time. All you can do, is keep out of his way as much as possible, while still protecting yourself and your children legally and financially. Just my opinion, of course.

I hope D13 had a good time despite all this.

TL

We do use balloons here far more than we used to but not normally at parties that are held in a one bedroom flat for a woman in her 70s (especially when it's not even her flat!)

No I don't. When I think of it H always talked a lot about his teenage years but not very much about his early years.


No he hasn't. I knew this when we were together but tolerated it b/c I loved him. I did once comment to MIL (in an arguement) that there had always been 3 people in our M. She said nothing but got up and left. That said volumes to me. H made me go round and apologise (which I did b/c it was in between him coming home after his first brief time away and him leaving again). At this point she said 'It's a good job I love you!' It is the only time she has ever told me she loved me. If I'm honest I have never felt any love for her.


I'm not sure about that one. His father was still alive then (albeit very ill). The biggie though is that despite everyone else around FIL being able to see that he was terminally ill without having to be told H always behaved AS IF he was going to get better. There were MANY times when I wanted to take him by the shoulders, shake him and say 'H your father is dying'. I never did b/c I genuinely thought he was just putting on a brave face and trying to boost his father's spirits. It wasn't until the day he died that I realised that H had never considered the possibility that his father would die. He even admitted this to me. As a consequence he was never the same person again. Ironically I was just starting to see a glimpse of the old H again when all this c**p started.



He certainly did after the death of his father. Even though MIL remarried fairly quickly H still felt responsible for her. The M was doomed from the start and MIL has since admitted that she remarried again so quickly b/c she felt she would live her life through her grandchildren otherwise (my D18 is the eldest grandchild and so what she was saying in effect was that she would have been an even bigger intrusion on our lives than she already was).



I agree it does seem very difficult for them. I suspect that OW is probably also feeling a litte tired with the scenario of 'and mother comes to' especially since her own parents live 1000s of miles away in Czech Republic

As for the party being a success. I'm sure H would say it was but that doesn't seem to be the impression of D13 and SIL!

Nic,
Yes I did have a nice day despite the party. I went to my friends for dinner and got to meet her new BF. He seems nice but i had to stifle a laugh b/c he is the spitting image of her ex H. In this case the ex H is desperate to get back with my friend (despite it being him who wanted the D) but she is having non of it right now. I think eventually they will get back together as even in the presence of this new man she talked about her ex H in almost every sentence!

BM

I totally agree


Again I agree.

Journalling:

Tonight D18 asked H if she could meet up with him. Initially he said no b/c he was taking S16 shopping for school stuff but after she pointed out that the shops shut at 8pm he agreed.

It seems I am totally a taboo subject. Whilst D18 was waiting for him to come and pick her up (his idea) D13 got a call to say just to let you know I'm not ignoring you I just don't want to come into the house so will you please tell you sister to meet me outside! Well, that's absolutely fine by me as I have nothing to say to him right now anyway.

D18 wanted to discuss with him his contribution to her university education. You may recall that he refused to discuss it with me. Anyway he told her to do her 'sums' and then let him have 'the figures' so that he could make an 'assessment'(by the way he isn't an accountant). She pointed out to him that as she hasn't started yet she has no idea of how much it is going to cost her a month. He just said 'Mmmm' and shrugged his shoulders. To break the ice she has started with inviting him to join her on her first day at uni. His reply was 'Why? Is your mother not coming?' She told him yes I was but it would be nice to have us both there. His reply: 'I will come and visit you when you have settled in!' Whilst they were discussing finances he dropped into the convo that he has (or will need to) take out a second mortgage in order to build the room that he has promised S16 so that he doesn't have to sleep in a conservatory behind a curtain. How the hell he is going to pay it I've no idea. D18 alluded to the money that H will now get from the state for S16 instead of me and H told her that is going into S16s bank account for when he goes to uni. She pointed out that she had never had that (as I needed the money to feed and clothe her). I wonder how long it will be before he announces his next big holiday D18 entered into these convos knowing that he would either say no or try to wriggle out of his responsibilites and H did not disappoint her. How very sad.

Hi ACJ,
I am new to this forum and have been reading my of the links. I see you have troubles across the pond also.
I felt your pain about being lonely. My H is in the process of finding a furnished apartment. The biggest problem is that we moved away from my family across the country and I am really isolated here. I am also trying to meet friends. We both work at the same place so it is difficult to find someone who I can confide in. My D is 15 and I dread the day we tell her he is going to move. She is such a good kid I hate to put this on her. He has been the new poster child for "Mid life Crisis". There is also OW in the picture.
I need to reach out and find some friends I can hang out with also. I wish you happiness

Hope I'm sorry you find yourself here. Keep coming here even if you don't find answers to your sitch you will find empathy and understanding. Something we all need especially in the beginning.
take care

Hi ACJ,
I hope you will have a lovely and peaceful week-end, with not too much stress with your kids. (((HUGS))) xxx

Journalling:

I've recently again taken up reading the bible before I go to bed at nignt. I had stopped b/c I got so disallusioned. Anyway since I have been doing this again I've been having some lovely dreams about H and I. They always seem to occur just as I am waking. Every time it gets to the what should be the pinnacle of the dream something happens to wake me up and it is very frustrating. This morning it was somebody's alarm that went off for about half an hour solid.

I like these dreams but they are also disturbing me b/c I want what happens in them to come true and as things stand at the moment that is very unlikely to happen.

Hi ACJ!

When I was in my 'wilderness', I also found solace in the scriptures. I used to pray every morning in my car outside work ... and the thing I prayed for was patience. The patience to wait for whatever was meant to happen, and to know when it was time to stop waiting, or hoping. Not sure if it helped, but it did give me some peace as I went through the process. I am, by nature, an impatient person, so I think I learned something from that. I am far more patient now, and more thoughtful in my responses to situations. Anyway, perhaps you can do the same? Just pray for patience, and insight, and to know what the right thing to do is in your sitch. Things may seem unlikely now, but life has a way of doing the ol' switcheroo.

The saying: Hope for the best, but plan for the worst, sure applies here, I think.

So, my EEG came back, and there is no epileptic activity. Now I have other stuff I have to do.

Anyway, hope your weekend is going well. Take care.