Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Confrontation time tomorrow ...

Manhug to you.

That is a tough talk today Dan. Dont believe everything she says though as she is caught up in the blur and fairy tale life of the affair(s).

I wonder if OM1 and OM2 know of each other - it would be interesting if a duel could be arranged between the two scumbags.

No matter whether this is your first breakup or your fifth, it still hurts like hell.

This ordeal will have made you a much better man, but I cant say the same for your STBXW.

She is right in telling you to be cautious in meeting women in the bars.

Dan,

You know you are a really great guy and a great catch! You deserve the best hun, whatever form that takes for the future.

You should do something for YOU tomorrow.

You did a really brave thing tonight and I have huge respect for you. I also have huge respect for the fact that you fought and stood for your marriage.

I'm so sorry that you are hurting.

(((Dan))) I am so sorry it went this way for you.

Most of what she had to say is in line with what she has said for the past couple of years.

OM1 knows about OM2, but, not the other way.

I'm already a better man. I don't know that I would trade this for the growth of the past 6 months, but, sometimes, I don't know.

Wanna guess where I met my wife?


It's pretty plain to see that she moved on a while ago. She may have shut down emotionally many many years ago. I don't hate her, but, I want better than what we had. Maybe we can be very close friends and enjoy the time we spend together with the kids all the while getting our getting our other needs met elsewhere.

Time will tell that story.

I'm going to be OK.

D

A bar.

Do I get a prize?

Nothing wrong with hooking up in a bar (just watch out for them married gals that dont tell you up front).

As time goes by you are going to get more and more excited of your future. There will come a day where you dont even think of your X.

Hey Dan,

I feel for you and understand that in spite of all the wrongs that your wife has done, you still love her. I do not think you can get that type of understanding outside of these circles....
However, and I need to say this (it is true in my case as well)the women that our Ws have become are not worth the effort....not right now. They made a decision to give up, to stop resisting to the temptation that is around all of us (because apparently there was something missing). Once you cross that line, it is extremely difficult to come back.
Dan, you are a good man and did all you could to salvage this. Good things happen to good people....I am convinced of that.
Hang in there buddy.

<< She didn't want to hurt me ...
When they say this its a sign of infidelity of some kind - EA, PA, ILYB...

Oh, I'm going to be fine, I just have to eat my way to the bottom of this bucket of pain and then go fill it up with some joy.

I was just talking to Mom and I said to her that the pittance of love that I got from my W was a fortune to me in comparison to what I got at home, while the hurts I got from her where mild in comparison to the ones I got at home. For her, the pittance that she got from me was a pittance and the hurts added up to a mountain. I've known this for years, but, I hoped that she would find a way to forgive me and keep working. She couldn't.

I guess that when she left, she took the pittance of love I was getting and the affairs didn't add that much extra hurt and it was still less than my Dad walking away when I was a kid.

I really am hopeful that we can connect very closely in the coming years, I still like her a lot.

Thanks everyone. You guys ROCK!!

D

You'll be ok, well all be ok. The road to okville just really sucks.

Sorry to hear about the events. I guess we are the ones that can understand how we take so much crap yet still care so much. I doubt if any of my friends treated me this way that they would still remain my friend. Yet we take this crap from our wives and we still want them around.

The consequences of her actions will weigh on her because its all piled on now.

As for the "I don't want to hurt you" comment", what did they think would happen? I heard it too. They are so wrapped up in their own selfish worlds and lives that they never consider the consequences of their actions on their spouses, children, or families. It all ticks me off.

I don't know Tostada. I don't know any more. How do you apportion blame between two fallible human beings? I was stronger and could hold out longer? I was a real jerk for many many years, but, here you only hear about what she's done to me.

We are both caught up in the can't stay don't want to leave mindset. I've got to go, I can't live without love and that's what I have right now. She's got to go, she can't stay with all the hurts of the past that she is unable to forgive and move past. I've got to go, I can't abide the other men. She's got to go, she can't feel any love through the pain.

It's going to hurt for a while and then it will fade and joy will return.

I feel like we were trains on parallel paths and wondering why there were no connections. I loved her and she loved me and the other didn't receive it. I hurt her and she hurt me and neither meant it.

I hope, oh I hope that I can teach my children what I've learned, how to grow up whole, what to look for in a spouse. I hope they can go through life without this kind of pain.

D