Hello everyone. Hope and Marisol, thanks for replies and encouragement. Home alone tonight. Kids are all at friend's houses. H is away this weekend for Mizzou game - not that I'd see him anyway, but it must be so nice- only 2 weekends and $600/month in regards to family responsibilities. I keep thinking he and I could be here together, alone right now. I know , probably TMI, but I long for intimacy. I can really understand the need for him - not just physcially, but emotionally.But ironiclly, that part of our R really took off several months before H left. I think the Wellbutrin really helped. I was really enjoying it, but of course, he says although he noticed , and it was good, there was no emotional connection for him. Ouch, that hurt really bad.
Marisol - thanks for info . I guess that is something I can keep in mind. I keep wondering if I should be sitting in limbo, but I cant afford to hire atty right now, and I wonder if that may be one reason why I havent been served - I cant believe H could afford it either. Is this friend's roomate a male? Is she trying to hook you up? Be careful. I dont know about you, but Im feeling vulnerable. My thoughts flip flop between the perfect M with my H, then I think of who else is out there - am I destined to be with someone else? CRYSTAL BALL PLEASE!! Its only been almost 4 months. How the H#%@ do people survive this for any longer? 1 week from tonight is 16yr anniversary. I keep fooling myself that will be the night H will be on his knees. Marisol , I know you recently had your anniversary in Sept. and you survived, so I know Ill get through it somehow too. Its probably a good thing Ill be working that night. Please report back about Fireproof. I really really want to see that movie. People at church had been talking about it. I was actually thinking of seeing it tonight too, but I wont have time before D11 gets home. I plan to see it by myself though cuz ill be a wreck Im sure.
T2l, hope Disney was good. I cant imagine being able to enjoy that sort of thing with H again. We've been too distant physically and emotionally and it just seems to get worse. Maybe it gets worse before it gets better? I dont know. Anyway, thank you for the links. I did read them. I just dont feel motivated at this time cuz Im just feeling so unsure right now. Please continue to post updates.
me 36 H38 S11 D11 (twins) S14 M 16yr Oct 17 T 21yr IDLYA 6/18 H moved out 6/19 H confessed A and asked for D 7/4 H consulted atty 1mo ago Still waiting to be served
JGrind... I'm with you... I long for my H and miss him so bad... emotionally and physically I almost ache for him... I catch myself daydreaming about our next time we are together ... it is so sick... of course my bomb has only been 6 weeks now so I'm sure it gets better... I hope at least I won't be so lonely...
I am going to see fireproof this weekend or next week .... I want to ask my H to see it with me but I don't think he will.
I just keep praying for God to work miracles... for all of us.
hang in there
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Ok ladies, you are killing me! All this longing, pining, dreaming etc. I want to kick myself of all the times I turned my H down -- I would stay up late playing scrabble on line or watching some stupid movie. Now that I am working out, walking, doing yoga and losing weight (24 lbs and counting), I want to jump on my H and now there is no opportunity. And I keep comparing myself to the Ow who is tiny except for her fake boobs/butt and plastic face. I can't compete and it is affecting my self esteem. Well at least my H is putting weight on.
Well tonight I went and had my hair colored/highlighted and it came out good. I called home and D tells me Daddy is over (she had 2 friends over), I come home and there is H sleeping on the couch. I made some noise and he was in deep sleep, well I am sitting there for like an hour and he finally wakes up. He stays about 20 minutes more and we sit on the front porch. He told me 3 times he liked my hair. Finally he goes to leave and gives me a hug. Instead of saying "I miss you" like I did last time I said I appreciated the time you spent here. I said in a joke way (but of course I was serious) you could have a sleepover here. He laughed and of course left.
Tomorrow is Ow's daughter's wedding. H has been pretty much on his own this week. Will see how much time he spends with her next week.
So we all know we would like that special night with H. Well since we can't -- remember the nights that they would flaggalate or burb or something equally gross. We are lonely and it sucks but better days are ahead.
As far as hooking up with another man -- I think we all think of it but if George Clooney is not available -- count me out (smile)
This is a lonely road and nights like this make me more determined to GAL and DB and work on getting H back, no matter how mad I am at him.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
married crazy...maybe it is that walk away thing! At least if I lose my H -- I might be in the best shape than I ever was!
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
welcome marriedcrazy - can we get a male perspective on this thread!? Im sad and angry right now . Phone rang . I let machine pick up .H leaves message "hey S11, D11, S14, it's (says his name)...I mean your dad. Want to let you know Im here in Columbia, MO tonight for Mizzou game. I made it safe and we are staying in $100,000 RV outside stadium. Its really cool! Dont forget to watch the game tommorrow night! Love you guys, bye". YEAH, JUST RUB IT IN TO THE KIDS YOU WALKED OUT ON AND HAVE YOURSELF A GREAT F$#@%ING TIME AT THAT GAME BABE!!!!!!!
Well Hellooooo ya'll! I've just been browsing over everyone's posts. Whew, I can hear and feel all the weight you are all bearing(and mine too). Just want to share this before I go into it. I think most of you know I'm an associate Pastor and Worship Leader so it only seems fitting for me to share what God reminded me of. "Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins." 1 Peter 4:8 I think sometimes we question our selves. I know i have. Why do i want him back am I insane? But I don't think we are. Love does cover a multitude of all our short comings. I think that we in some ways have become a throw away society because it's easier.
You all sound like wise women and I know that you will know what and when to say okay I have fought for my marriage so now I can go forward. I admire you all for even considering and taking time to fight for your marriage-this is the for better or for worse part. And understand me I am in no way advocating being a door mat. Even I have not done that. I had to cut off H at the beginning because of the craziness and email attacks he sent me. So even I refuse to be a door mat.
Can during this hard time change your view? I know it sounds crazy because for God's sakes your living in it. But look at this as an opportunity for personal growth. You know everyone kept saying that to me so I had to really look at it. And you know what? I do need to grow. I have been with my H so long I don't even know who I am or what I am. I have catered to my H as best I could foregoing my own needs and desires. I'm not saying become self centered but use this time as well to find out who you are.
I always thought if this happened to me I would die, its my deepest darkest worst fear and I'm living in it and I'm alive and okay. I hurt but I'm okay.
The best thing that the DB book did for me was the GAL and that's why I push it so hard. Although I had a desire to always try salsa lessons, I don't think I would have ever done it if this hadn't happened and that's a shame. We as wives need to be balanced and I wasn't. I lived and sacrificed for my family, and it was a joy. But how well can you love another if you do not love and take care of your self? So please please please girls GAL do something in left field(not crazy ok) but something creative and fun. You will thank your self for it.
I also think, and I've said it over and over again, that our spouses expect us to mope, cry and stop living. Mix it up. Let them see you GAL and living. Let them think, "why on earth is she salsa dancing she should be miserable look what I just did." Confuse them and while your doing it your gaining confidence. What do you think it was that caused your H to be attracted to you? I bet it was your confidence and spunk. Find that by GAL.
Ok here's my stance on dating in our situation, this is opinion only so there's no condemnation if you disagree-but I have read a few books and they all seem to lean this way.
I say no dating right now even if you decide not to stand and fight for your marriage. If you date I feel it's a form of self medicating. Your trying to cover up the pain instead of riding it out. Yeah, sure it'll take the pain away, at least for a while. But God is funny like that. He doesn't allow us to skip steps. You will have to go around the same mountain no matter what so why not do it the 1st time. Make sense.
For my self, I refuse to date until, I am no longer fighting for my marriage and I am fully happy being by myself. I do not want to only have the ability to be happy and content only if a spouse is standing next to me. And guess what you get to show this image of strength to your children. You get to set the standard for them. Please guard your self in this area.
Ok so I'm gonna post again, updating on Disneyland and all your posts. I just wanted to encourage you all. I have so much respect for you all, I really do.
Hey one of these days I'm gonna share my testimony with ya'll. Your gonna laugh...XOXO
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
welcome marriedcrazy - can we get a male perspective on this thread!? Im sad and angry right now . Phone rang . I let machine pick up .H leaves message "hey S11, D11, S14, it's (says his name)...I mean your dad. Want to let you know Im here in Columbia, MO tonight for Mizzou game. I made it safe and we are staying in $100,000 RV outside stadium. Its really cool! Dont forget to watch the game tommorrow night! Love you guys, bye". YEAH, JUST RUB IT IN TO THE KIDS YOU WALKED OUT ON AND HAVE YOURSELF A GREAT F$#@%ING TIME AT THAT GAME BABE!!!!!!!
I read your sitch in another post. I see that you're dealing with an alcoholic. Difficult at best. My W is an alcoholic; been to rehab; the AA meetings, relapses, switching out one addiction for another and right now I think it's sex.
have you thought about finding an Al-anon meeting? It will help with detachment as well as giving you insight into the alcoholic mind. For even better insight, an open AA meeting will allow you to interact with recovering alcoholics who may help understand even better.
