Sorry I have been away travelling on business and just now catching up. Your letter was awesome. I had trouble getting through it becasue I now tend to avoid anything that makes me feel emotional. You really are an amazing woman and I sincerely hope your H shakes off whatever it is that is bogging him down and that he comes to the realization that his wife is a heck of a woman!
Just a thought that keeps poking at my brain today...
H called last night, we talked for a few minutes. Very nice, pleasant, good. No mention of my letter.
This morning S6 left a msg for his dad since he was asleep when H called last night. H called back as we were driving to school. He talked to S6, then to me for about 5 minutes. Mentioned it was cold in Calgary, -3* C which is ??? in Fahrenheit? He didn't know but said it was COLD!
So, anyway, we did the chit-chat thing again, all pleasant and fine.
So............what if that is all that happens? H may be content to have pleasant convo. with me, while never acknowledging he got (or read) my letter. When I sent him that power-point, he waited 3 days to look at it b/c he couldn't open it on his phone and was too tired/lazy to look at it on his laptop.
If I let H just return from his trip and be "pleasant/polite" to me, without anything changing, that would just be "more of the same". At what point do I say something???
Thank you! I am a compulsive writer/letter writer. I love writing letters and expressing my feelings. It is an illness! No, seriously, it is freeing for me to put my thoughts out there on paper, so to speak. It is the only way to keep them from running around in my brain.
I sent the letter yesterday, he gets back tomorrow. I think that while he is gone, I should not bring it up. I asked him in the letter if he would please take time to respond to the same questions I responded to while he was gone.
So it wouldn't be fair to ask for a response until he gets back. However, if he doesn't have a response for me after he gets back, I will have to say something. He has had time to go to dinner, time to hang out with his friend Barry, time to sleep (I know it is a necessity, but still, priorities), and has not had to worry about kids waking up in the night like they did last night (and both got in my bed!). So if he wanted to reply, I would think that sitting alone in a quiet hotel room would allow him the opportunity to gather his thoughts....
As Woog says, you need to take control. Give him a day or two. But not more than that, you don't want him to start thinking that he can ignore you and your feelings. Then bring it up. Say something like, "I was hoping you would respond to my letter. Did you get it?" Then, if the answer is yes, he got it, tell him the truth. You put a lot of thought into that letter and you hope he will treat it seriously and give you a thoughtful response. You don't want a short verbal response. You want him to sit down and think about it. Then give him a day, two at the most, and ask again.
Dialoguing is discipline. Some people, like my husband, don't like discipline and they try to get away with not doing it. I had to insist with my husband that we do it not less than 3 times a week. It was just like trying to get my son to do homework. But if you do it the benefits are visible. I could feel it right away. The air cleared and we were more relaxed together. If we didn't do it, the tension built. We didn't do it forever. We continued to do it for about a month after the end of the Post sessions. And we now do it on occasion when either of us feels a problem surfacing. The questions in the book are good. Until you use up most of those questions, it is worth doing.
I have found that couples that did not reconcile after Retro all gave up the dialoguing pretty quickly. A tool is no good if you don't use it.
No, seriously, it is freeing for me to put my thoughts out there on paper, so to speak. It is the only way to keep them from running around in my brain.