Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? I still believe in miracles

Hi OD,

Thanks for stopping by! A bit buzzed here at a bar in Valencia...the night is just staring, yet it's 1 AM. So far, so good. Must admit I'm feeling pretty good about myself and am wearing a pretty cute dress. I have remained appropriate, and will keep doing so. I sent that email before I left. No response, which I'm fairly glad about.

Ok you're right about the asking if he feels comfortable. I'll have to think of a better way to explore this :).

Thanks for saying being in bed is DBing.I like that. I think I will even pretend to be asleep...

Alright I need a new drink now-will post tomorrow!

ITh

Hey ITH

I think you are doing well. I know it seems hard to stay positive when your h is being so confusing. But it seems like you are staying strong. I think that it is good that he wants to do the 2 weeks. It does seem like he thinks it will have to go from this to perfect in two week and if not then it's over but that is probably not what he really means. He sounds intelligent and probably knows that it will not happen overnight. I like your idea of going out every other night or so, just to get space and to give him space. It will help with GAL too I assume. I think you are going to have a rocky couple of weeks as he is all over the map right now but you can do it. Look how far you've come already!

Keep it up darlin! Got my fingers crossed for you!

Hi ITH- well I have only caught up n the last 2 pages...but I would stay away from the OM you are attracted to and not discuss your M. danger zone!

it sounds like things are great for you and you and your H are going to test the waters. wow!!!

just know that it will It ebb and flow- my H and I are great, but we have had a few snappy moments and days,adjusting. so please be prepared for that.

I really am happy for you

Thanks Pisces,

So great to hear from you :).

I am not entirely sure whether this trial thing is good or bad yet. H has expressed being really down on M in general right now, and there was some major backsliding from my end on Monday.

I'll be at the house tonight though, so will do my best to earn my credibility back. I just love him so much and when he is so negative about me as someone who could possibly add joy to his life, it's really hard. At least I have not backslid and said ILY. This is one mistake I have avoided the whole time.

Luckily the OM thing was avoided last night as he ended up going to bed early. I saw him at breakfast this morning. He is always overly concerned. He said he is worried about me, that I need to eat more, I'm too pale etc. However, I've been only polite in response. I somehow feel like I had to deal with a situation like this before going back to my H. Like this proved how much my R means to me that I passed up an opportunity that would have been easy to take, even without guarantees from my H.

No response from H on my email yesterday still. It was all positive and DB safe anyway, but dates for things have historically made him a little nervous. I guess we'll see what happens tonight. I am going to do my best to remain positive between now and then! I am going for a walk on the beach now to work on calming my nerves a bit.

Thanks for the positive vibes Pisces. I will post on your thread later, am really glad to hear you are doing well :).

ITH

Hmmm,

He sent an email in response to mine that I don't really like about how I should get my friend's place for as long as I can. He wants to do the 2 week trial with a week break in between. This is frustrating as it doesn't really give us any time to test things.

I wrote back, maybe should have waited, but I'm at the airport now and wanted to make sure we did this by email before he went to class tonight.

I said I was fine with him taking the lead on living together, and was fine with alternating nights away if he'd prefer to solid times. I apologized for being so perky about the sitch, and said I'd heard everything he's been saying. I also said I hoped things could just get a little more natural between us. Yes, these things were borderline and risky, but I felt compelled. It was still a short email, and I didn't talk about my own feelings or anything.

Pretty sure he'll write back tonight, or want to bring stuff up. Interesting night ahead I'm guessing...

ITH

(((ITH)))

Relax, did you take that walk on the beach yet? Listen this time is a hard time but you need to stay positive. Question this week that you will be together will that be the longest that you will spend with him since you went to Poland??

Remember he has certain ideas in his head and your purpose right now is just to prove him wrong. You need to show him the fantastic, put together, confident chick that you are and he can't live without!!!

Hi Sep,

Thanks for that :). Yes it is the longest time we've spent together. Tonight will be bed only I guess.Maybe I'll be naked or something when he gets home.

We've now had several emails back and forth about things, and I think things have calmed down. Turns out he'll be travelling for work the week after I get back, so I can stay in the house. The following week I may travel for work. This sort of takes some pressure off I guess as I don't need to stay with a friend or push myself on him. Next weekend I will be staying with him and this isn't "counted" in the 2 weeks. My big hope is that with a weekend together, and him travelling afterwards, he may actually miss me...

I do need to do GAL stuff, yet also be around enough to make a positive impression...maybe I should just be out of the house most of the day, and when I am there do really cool things like cook good meals, clean the house, and show the general value that I can add to the household :).

So his first email back to me was snappy about the dates, and ignored everything else I had said. I wrote back a very short email saying I was sorry to be frustrating him, not my intention, and clarified some dates. In subsequent emails he said to have a good flight etc., a bit forced and formal, but better nonetheless. I hope this prevents R talk tonight. I even managed to compliment his friend via email, and this went over really well.

Now am sitting on a plane that's been delayed on the ground for the last hour...

I HATE delayed flights!! Grrrr...lol

I think you should definatly take it one day at a time. You have great things on your agenda about GAL, keeping the house clean and I think it is good that the times seemed to work out on their own with his trip then your trip so it's not forced 'ok go to your friends now', it's more natural.

P.S. Very good idea for tonight..you should be in bed naked but sleeping...lol.

Hi Sep,

So oddly it seems like H and I have swapped personalities. I am so trying to take things one day at a time, whereas he seems to want exact dates and times for eveything.

Just finally in the cab, flight soooo delayed. H sent some email about me having his late night dinner ready :). I might actually leave dinner around. This is something I'm good at and I assume he misses.

Ok may post later. Sorry I've been bad about keeping up with threads. I'll be back on track by tomorrow :).

ITH

So just another very quick update. I'm at the house now, cooked a quick dinner which I'll leave around and H can have when he gets home if interested. I did the dishes and will feed the dogs. Doing chores is a 180 for me.

I sort of wanted to just hang out and relax. It is soooooo good to be in my home. I connected my laptop to buy a plane ticket, and within minutes H had IMd me about feeding the dogs. He's in class. I was nice back, then didn't feel like dealing with it for some reason, so signed out. Well we both use Skype, and I'm automatically signed in in my laptop. He wasn't online, so thought it would be fine to stay signed in. Not 10 seconds after I signed out of my other IM, he wrote me on Skype. Just wanted to ask me if I'd seen some show he gave me. I told him I had no time to do anything at my conference.

Just sort of thought his contacting me so much like that was weird. For all intents and purposes he wants me to be part of the household in terms of taking care of the pets and chores, yet just not be here all the time. It's very odd. Anyway I am more exhausted than I have been in months. I actually think I'll sleep through the night and am so excited to just go lay down in our bed. Sep--in true Secret style I'll lay on my side of the bed, and will also start putting a few very small things on my dresser.

ITH