Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Help / Advice (the final chapter???)

Glad to have you back!!

Did you fish?

What do you say when a marriage of 17 years ends? Or when your best friend of almost 22 years isn’t your best friend anymore? Recently I have been trying to decide what I should say about those things and I have struggled to find words to express how I feel.

Those things seemed to end in a way that was unique to us. Not many people I have told my story to understand or appreciate the end of my marriage. You see, we never had any “bad days” together. We never fought or yelled or went to bed angry. We were always there together. We shared the highs of our children being born and the lows when the doctor told her that she had cervical cancer. But we shared them together. There isn’t a day I can look back upon and regret. I am not sure that there is anything I could or would have changed. I guess in some ways that makes the end harder and in other ways it makes it easier.

So, what do I say now that it is over? I can say that I have the three most wonderful children in the world. And despite the end of a marriage they have two parents that love them dearly and can still be friendly towards each other. I can say that life goes on. That I know I can love again. I know I am a good person with a lot to offer. Fate will someday show me a way for me to be with someone I love again.

I can also say that I am a better person now than I was before all of this happened. I am more patient. I am more willing to be flexible and understand. Most of all I know I am responsible for my own happiness.

I know that there are some amazing people in the world. There are people who are so kind that in the hour of their own darkest fears, they still reach out to a stranger with compassion and kindness. People capable of spreading sunshine with just a few simple words. I only hope I returned the favor in some small way.

Almost a year ago my wife told me that she didn’t love me anymore. A few months later she told me she wanted a divorce. There were times so dark for me that I didn’t think I could go on. For a few days I even considered ending it all. However, it got better. I learned to deal with it. Then I learned to smile again. Then to be happy again and eventually I learned I could love again. My heart survived. I survived. A few weeks ago the marriage ended and I am still alive. Who knew……

As my Dad said the day I told him it was final “Now you begin the rest of your life”. My Dad has never said anything more profound to me.

Now we see what’s next.

Woog,

First off....WELL SAID
Secondo, welcome back and finally I for one am very greatful that you were there in your moments of darkness for me.

What is next? Probably alot of wonderful things if we allow ourselves to let them in.

I have absolutelly no doubt in my mind that you will find happiness again if you allow yourself to.

Keep us posted buddy and don't be afraid to show a little vulnerability. I for one always thought you had it together.

John

Woog
Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
It is really inspirational to me even I am still struggling with mine.
Knowing the fact that we will be OK no matter what the outcome is.
"No Regrets"....I am giving all I have until the end whenever that may be.
Like John said, happiness could be knocking on your door now.
Take care
NW

Trust me guys.... I know where happiness is.

Thanks.

Hey Woog..

Wow, I loved what you wrote and apart from the bit about regrets, it mirrored how I feel exactly..it was a year ago for me too and I also had some pretty dark days after the bomb like you said. We also never fought ever or went to bed angry and we didnt have bad days right up until he left. I too feel like a better, more patient, giving person as a result of all of this and I wouldnt want to go back to how I was before.

I am still struggling with moving on, like you have and I applaud you for that, especially as you were together double my R and you have kids. You sound like you have learnt so much, which is the lesson of Saturn for all of us Pisceans! You, me, Kalni, we've all learnt sooo much, grown up, opened up and arrived at slightly different points through the pain of our partners leaving us.

Thanks for your post
Ali xxx

Woog I want to climb through my computer and hug you right now....that was so well said. I relate to the part where your best friend isn't your best friend anymore. It's hard to understand why/how that happens...

If you can go enjoy the wilderness this weekend, I hope you do. And I am glad you know where real happiness is found. That is something a lot of people are still looking for....

“Now you begin the rest of your life”.

And adding to that, "Now you have the chance to meet someone new and exciting," as has been told to me just this past weekend.

Nice to meet you Woog.

poet

So, I'm sitting here thinking about the fact that I am a little lonely. Somehow my situation raced ahead of a number of my close friends here and I'm feeling their hurt.

I fear it's going to be a long cold winter for me. Maybe a bit lonely.