Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives My wife has emotionally moved on---but I just cant

and remember

you really don't want it to go too fast because then you won't really learn what you need to learn and you might have to repeat and THAT sucks ASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

Thanks Karen and Beth........

I have now at least accepted the fact that its over. I will no longer chase her or send her anymore emails or texts. I now realize that we had a very unhealthy marriage and maybe...its for the best that she initiated this. I do not think I would have done anything, as I loved my children too much to put them through this. The three of them are such good kids and I just want them to be happy and healthy.

Nevertheless, my eldest is having a tough time with it and wants to talk to someone. I think its a good idea, but I am uncomfortable tot have her speak to anybody at her school--since my wife is very active in the PTA and knows everyone. I have already scheduled appointments with all three of my children's teachers and will discuss with my lawyer counseling for my daughter by a third unbiased individual.

I spoke with a DB Counselor yesterday and it was very helpful. I am working on stage 1 which is to disconnect and to avoid emotions with my wife. I hope to get to stage 2 which is friendship/respectful cordiality with my wife soon as its extremely important for the kids.

I do feel better as I have intensified my workouts and lost 20 lbs and got contacts. Even though I am 40, I feel and look 8-10 years younger. Also, my other partners at the law firm have been extremely helpful and supportive. After 15 years of working in the law field and having to climb the legal ladder, I am finally feeling at home for the first time. I know there is only one place to go--that is up.

I am now starting to feel better, but there is still much ahead. Yes I am scared and fearful, but at least I now now I am heading in the right direction. Karen, thanks for the compliment, as that is my first and middle name..........

Please keep in touch as all the kind words avoid the feeling of loneliness.

Rob

Thanks Karen and Beth........

I have now at least accepted the fact that its over. I will no longer chase her or send her anymore emails or texts. I now realize that we had a very unhealthy marriage and maybe...its for the best that she initiated this. I do not think I would have done anything, as I loved my children too much to put them through this. The three of them are such good kids and I just want them to be happy and healthy.

Nevertheless, my eldest is having a tough time with it and wants to talk to someone. I think its a good idea, but I am uncomfortable tot have her speak to anybody at her school--since my wife is very active in the PTA and knows everyone. I have already scheduled appointments with all three of my children's teachers and will discuss with my lawyer counseling for my daughter by a third unbiased individual.

I spoke with a DB Counselor yesterday and it was very helpful. I am working on stage 1 which is to disconnect and to avoid emotions with my wife. I hope to get to stage 2 which is friendship/respectful cordiality with my wife soon as its extremely important for the kids.

I do feel better as I have intensified my workouts and lost 20 lbs and got contacts. Even though I am 40, I feel and look 8-10 years younger. Also, my other partners at the law firm have been extremely helpful and supportive. After 15 years of working in the law field and having to climb the legal ladder, I am finally feeling at home for the first time. I know there is only one place to go--that is up.

I am now starting to feel better, but there is still much ahead. Yes I am scared and fearful, but at least I now now I am heading in the right direction. Karen, thanks for the compliment, as that is my first and middle name..........

Please keep in touch as all the kind words avoid the feeling of loneliness.

Rob

Thanks Karen and Beth........

I have now at least accepted the fact that its over. I will no longer chase her or send her anymore emails or texts. I now realize that we had a very unhealthy marriage and maybe...its for the best that she initiated this. I do not think I would have done anything, as I loved my children too much to put them through this. The three of them are such good kids and I just want them to be happy and healthy.

Nevertheless, my eldest is having a tough time with it and wants to talk to someone. I think its a good idea, but I am uncomfortable tot have her speak to anybody at her school--since my wife is very active in the PTA and knows everyone. I have already scheduled appointments with all three of my children's teachers and will discuss with my lawyer counseling for my daughter by a third unbiased individual.

I spoke with a DB Counselor yesterday and it was very helpful. I am working on stage 1 which is to disconnect and to avoid emotions with my wife. I hope to get to stage 2 which is friendship/respectful cordiality with my wife soon as its extremely important for the kids.

I do feel better as I have intensified my workouts and lost 20 lbs and got contacts. Even though I am 40, I feel and look 8-10 years younger. Also, my other partners at the law firm have been extremely helpful and supportive. After 15 years of working in the law field and having to climb the legal ladder, I am finally feeling at home for the first time. I know there is only one place to go--that is up.

I am now starting to feel better, but there is still much ahead. Yes I am scared and fearful, but at least I now now I am heading in the right direction. Karen, thanks for the compliment, as that is my first and middle name..........

Please keep in touch as all the kind words avoid the feeling of loneliness.

Rob

Hey Rob,

I remember the loneliness well. This board was literally a life saver for me. You may find that a lot of the people in your "real life" will listen for awhile. They may even be helpful. Eventually, though, most of them will fizzle out. Not because they don't care about you. It's just an exhausting process for those going through it and those trying to support the ones going through. For some reason, many of us feel the need to keep talking about out sitches. I don't know if it makes it more real, or helps us process or vent or what. It just seems like a common thread to me. My poor sister had to listen to me for hours! Looking back, I don't know how she did it.

The beauty of this board is that you can come here any time and talk with your cyber friends. Most are always willing to listen and lend some help. We have real empathy because we have walked in your shoes.

Do take care of yourself. Keep exercising and make sure you REST. And also cut yourself some slack. This is all very hard and as much as you might want to be, no one is Superman.

Hope you have a good day tomorrow.

Hugs,
Spitty

Karen, thanks for the compliment, as that is my first and middle name..........

wow, really?
well its the name of my sweetheart , I associate it with great, strong men!

you sound like you have a very healthy attitude, you will be fine- and in turn so will your children

Day 3 of the detachment stage 1 phase.

I am focusing on my kids...and my lawyer set up a parenting schedule in which I am the primary every other weekend as well as two nights a week. It is going to be tough since I am a lawyer working many hours as well as th fact that I just started a new practice group at a large firm earlier this year. Nevertheless, I am now extremely determined.

I have also scheduled meetings with my childrens teachers for later this week. My eldest daughter also began seeinga school social worker. She blames herself as she beleievs since it was her sleep away camp which my wife had "found herself" as well as the OM. I told her otherwise, and that this has been going on way before the Summer. I am trying to get more involved with the schools as my wife has been a big player in the PTA and knows all the teachers, principal et al.

Due to my increased involvement with the kids, my wife fears my seking sole custody. I have reassured her otherwise, but I must be prepared for every contingency.

Also, my wife wants to start dating already and is upset that her attorney told her to cool it. She was also hoping that I would have been more liberal and would be dating myself. I told her otherwise, indicating that my sexual desires are zero for the first time since I was 13 years old and that I am focusing on me and the kids for now.

I am amazed that she wants to date soo soon. I guess her denials of having other relationships is just is a lie, and a defensive mechinism. She really has mentally disappeared. She is focusing on herself, and not even the kids. That is what I fear most---as she is supposedly a stay home mom.

I am having a minor surgical procedure today. She initially offered to take me and stay the morning and bring me home. I politely refused her offer and my mom is taking me. Again, she offered yesterday to take me, which I find strange, as for the past several weeks she wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Guilty?? or something else???

That' the latest.....

Rob

AS stated in my previous posts, my wife made her final decision to get a divorce after working a at a sleep away camp this summer. She is a lifeguard/swim instructor and worked at the camp for 8 weeks while my children attended the camp free of charge. By two oldest attended the actual camp, while my youngest went to a local day camp. At night, my little one would be with my wife.

After a couple of weeks, she was going crazy dealing with him as she wanted to participate in camp events and go out at night. I felt bad for her and when I visited weekends, tried to give her some time away from my son. I even reluctantly agreed to babysit him at the room while she went out at night with her friends. I felt rejected and hurt that she did not want me to be with her and her friends. I even located a babysitter, but she still insisted on me not going.

At that point I was convinced she was hiding something from me--like a relationship. She denied it, but a week before camp ended, she insisted on sending my son home early so she could have some space and handle the intense ending of camp--color war et al. At that point i was convinced that she was seeing someone.

Sleep away camp in which adults work in order for children to go free is common. After my wife asked for a divorce, I then came across other people who had spouses ask for divorces after returning from sleep away camp. This apparently is a presistent problem that has not received any press. Of course, if a marriage is shaky in the first place, then such staying is more possible and likely as in my instance.

For many spouses, it is the first time that they have been away from their significant other for an extended period of time. The temptation is great as actions in that fantasy land can occur without the other spouse even knowing about it.

Has anyone else come across this or have any comments???

Thanks.

Rob

i think that if a person wants to cheat they will find a way

and if a person isn't a cheater

they won't

no matter the temptation

Very good point figgy. If it hadn't been the camp, some other opportunity would have arisen. People are who they are, wherever they are. The camp just made it easy.