Andrea, It is sooo good to hear you talking so highly of your R with your H. I remember the doubts and the fears and the unsuccesful reconciliation, but all that is water under the bridge now.(whew!) You have both grown together and are secure in your M now. That is so wonderful to hear and we need to hear stories like yours-to know it can happen for any of us too! Keep in touch, this bb would not be the same without you. Love, Rachael
Andrea, sadly, I do not have much to report since you posted on my thread months ago. I have found no evidence of OW, yet my h. remains cold, distant and told me in August that he wants a d. Yet he has done nothing about getting one. I have not mentioned it again because I do not want to push him into getting one and I think that just might happen if I bring it up again. I'm trying to be patient, but his getting very hard. He has no communication with me. I have only seen him briefly three times in 7 months. Two of those times were not good because I was so emotional and he said the same old things about not wanting me and wanting me to "move on". Now he says he does not even want to be friends, but would like to remain "friendly", meaning we aren't hateful and mean to one another and that I don't make any demands on him. In other words, he wants me to totally let him do as he wants and not bother him about anything. He has given up all responsibilities.
Did you know I became a grandma in April--a l pound 6 oz. baby boy. He was 3 months early, but he is doing well. This was very sad for me because I always dreamed we would be grandparents together and my h. always talked about grandchildren. He has only seen the baby three times in three months.
I am so glad to hear you are doing well. It does give us hope. I have often wondered about you. You were so strong and wise in your responses to h's behavior. I'm glad this is working out for you. I know it has not been easy.
Vee: it is sad to know whings arent easy for you... please post me a link for your post just to let me share your situation and maybe some advices...I can tell you that i used to share with my therapist the feelings and concepts we share in this forum, and he was always a little negated to accept all their bad behavior and mistakes bc a crisis... and that the most important is to beguin us a new life, our own independence, to work on us, trying not to excuse them bc the crisis all the hurt and sadnes they throw on us... I dont know why but i cntinue visiting this site, and i continue the therapy at the same time, catching the best from each part for my situation. Each M and each R is unique, so sometimes what function for one, or the result of one R not necessarily has to be the result or what function for other M or R. But what function for every hurted part is to care about us, to beguin a new life, to love ourself more.... i will wait for your link About my situation... So, my h used to climb the mountain each afternooon and me too... Since this mondaym, although h use to get up the mountain alone, without me, and in a rapidly march compare with my time, since monday he had asked me if i am going to get up, etc...?... so, this made me feel cautious os suspicaus...!!... yesterday, he again asked me by phone if i was going to the mountain and i said no bc i had a work meeting... But i finish early that meeting and decide to go, withput callling him... When i was going down,we met (he was going up). He was with a lady (not a pretty one), he made a stop to give me a kiss and say hello and both continued our march (he upside, me down). Bc all the past is sad to maintain in us a doubt... and yes, there was a doubt on me... but at the same time i know that in sport he met many women and he had presented me many friends from running, gym or mountaing activities... So, why doubting... SHE WAS ONLY A FRIEND...!! and he wasnt nervus or afraid when he met me...!! and he has to be so stupid to get up the mountain with someone, mostly bc there are plenty of people who knows both...!! So, he arrived home, i didnt ask him nothing about the lady, just showing him i feel was XXX women... and not an important one...!.. and not showing him jealus or doubts about him...!!... he was so affective, normal, so... Open eyes, controling myself, and nothing more... i hope there will be a time when this doubts get away forever... Could it be...?... who knows... it was so intense and hurting what we had lived... but at the same time i know a R cant be rebuild tellling them each time we have doubts,bc that returns us to the past, and we are constructing the future... On friday is his birthday and today at night we will share a magnificant music cncert with our oldest kids... He is always so affective, comunicative, lovely... thats whats counts... Andrea
I forgot to tell you something wonderfull... after not having nothing to do as a professional, now i have 3 possible proyects to be involved...!!... YES...!!... wish me luck andrea
Ok.. just to journal some positive steps, bc there arent negatives around... 1. H was so, so lovely yesterday at the concert, in an excelent mood... and told me when we were on the care returning home with kids, holding my hands... " hey, was an excellent concert... the music was so romantic and intense... dont you think the same..? 2. Today we awaked him up like we used to do as a family, singuing happy birthday and giving him presents that he likes so much... 3. He shows me son in love with me, so passionate...
yeah girls, it can work...!!... beleive me, my h used to be so icy and distant... i am enjoying a total new man...!!... i only hope this last frever...!!... see you around andrea
I forgot to share with all you, good and support friends, that today is his birthday but also we get 5 months together again, since he returned home...!!... andrea
Good for you Andrea. You have your eyes wide open, but carefully weigh things before reacting to see what is real-it's not what you fear. It's normal to have those fears after what we've been through, but you are trying to REBUILD, not tear down your house. Your a smart cookie Andrea!! I hope I can be the same if the situation arises. Great job! Rachael
andrea, You sound great! So you had a great visit to the US ! You created new memories to replace the ones that you have discarded !!! My H is in the Middle East and contact is almost non-existent. I am praying that God is with him constantly and that the Holy Spirit will continue to convict him, soften his heart and bring to life the man that he was meant to be. God is working. God is in control. Balancing the tough love and unconditional love is tough but you do it well! Faith. Hope. Love. LSL
