I need to tell you that from that moment i still had thoughts, bad thoughs about what had happened, i fight with that thoughts... we went to that dinner invitation and passed it so well... he was so affective... but i always think, and still i think that, that he was so afraid bc his actions and my feelings... that was the typical behavior of a guilty h...!!.. The day after we enjoyed an afternooon with kids at a mall... he was so affective... so care... and we didnt talk at all abput what had happened... On sunday we went to beach, and in the way to beach i asked him about that friend supposelly he was in the XXX bar... It was a way to tell him... hey, i am still thinking about this...!!... i am not sure about your actions... you hurted me... We passed a wonderfull time at beach with kids... always so nice and care about me... Now i am feeling so unsure but at least i know he is trying to fix what he had done... and he is so sure about what will be my decissions if this happen again...!!... At least this time he look for forgivness and accept he did it wrong... at least this time he is putting too much efforts just trying to make me feel better, giving me too much explanation when his cell phone rang... avoiding to arise on me any doubt about him and his actions....
Right now i am still feeling sad and mad about what he had done... but i dont want to talk more... or i think it is better not to talk... even sometimes i want to express him how i feel bc him...!!... They cant realize how much damage they put in our R with that actions... i have still some damage thoughts... i returned to past... and the only thing that helps me to think in a PMA is to realize he is putting a lot of efforts trying to show me he is remorselfull about what he had done... I will be open eyes, giving him the benefit of doubts, he knows i will not accept this kind of behavior any more... at least i want him to know that...!!...
I know that if i want my M and a sane R i need to try to forget and forgiv him...!!... so, i am trying to do that... and i am receiving this time a different actitude from him, he is preocuppied about me, my feelings, and thats counts... i will appreciate any comment that can helps me to relief the pain, the doubts, and that helps me to repair the R.. andrea
andrea, You have hit on an area that needs improvement. The real problem needs to be addressed - it may be his alcohol consumption - does he control it ? or does it control him? No one made him go to that disco - how can he have self-control? The only real control we have is self-control and I have heard it is the first gift of the Holy Spirit. This will happen again if he does not have a "plan" for it not to. The absence of a plan for success is a plan for failure. Pray for guidance. Ask your H to pray with you and for you. He must take over the leadership of the family in all areas.
LSL: No, he doesnt have problems with alcohol, and he drink frecuently but not too much... about having a plan, bc his reaction and acttitude now, i hope his plans is to not do it again... i know he is afraid about my decissions and my decisive sel care... he knows i want a M by two... he knows i want him to do the correct things... so, i have faith he will think twice the next time a friend invite him, or he invent another plans for a discoteque or something else... thanks andrea
Hi Andrea, I don't blame you for being upset.Those kind of places hold no good in them. Especially with a past such as your H has. You are right to let him know you do not except it. All it can do is help you harbor doubt and memories of the past. I agree that he needs a plan to put into place the next time this kind of opportunity rises. One good thing about my H is he never goes to bars. Never has.It's no place for married people unless they are together. Choose how to approach him on this and let him know your dead serious. I think he already knows, but don't let it pass by unresolved. You need him to reassure you that it won't happen again. You were good to keep your cool in the heat of the moment,and wait until you had calmed down some before addressing it. Good DBing Andrea! There's nothing wrong with asking for what you need. There has been so much positive so far since he's been back. I think he really cares about not hurting you. If he makes one mistake, let him know how you feel. Hopefully you'll never have to deal with this again. Let us know how things turn out Andrea, Rachael
Thaks Rachael por your response... He is totally sure i am totally sad bc his behavior and i dont want it to repeat...!... Yesterday when he came home at afternoon, i was feeling pretty upset or angry at him... i control myself but i cant be as affective as i use to be... so he notice that and beleive me he needs to work a lot just to makes me feel better and finally we have a sexy night... I will be open eyes and is so sad to feel again in minutes so anxious and confuse...!!... so, i need to work again on me and he needs to work more just to makes me feel more sure about his commitment... thanks andrea
Well... my feelings, upset feelings are too much better right now... days had helped me a lot and my h behavior and care too...!!... Last tuesday he called me just to invite me to get out with him and a friend wich whom he use to get out alone... So, it was a way to say me: "hey, i care about your feelings, and i want to do the right things".... He is still very affective and care... comunicative... and so handsome...!! kisses for all you and my best wishes... Andrea
Atta girl Andrea! Keep it up,your H wants you and your M.It's obvious he loves you very much. My H and I are getting along great. Now, if I could just get him to REALLY want to move back home! One thing at a time I guess. I'm so very happy for you Andrea, You've worked hard to get here, so now enjoy! Rachael
Hi everybody, just posting some positives (no negatives at all between us )... 1. This weekend we enjoyed a beautifull days with kids doing activities from their schoool... On saturday we went to the sport parade of the schoool and we shared with a lot of friend of my h bc he studied in that schoool so, much of the parents were his childhod friends...!!... on Sunday we went to an excursion with our children, bc our oldest D enrole in CEL (excursionism center in which his father was many years ago director), an institution of their schoool. Was lovely he was very afective and always so happy. 2. We will travel to NY n thursday bc he will rum on marathon... this is the first travel alone after the second reconciliation and everything point out that will be lovely...!!... Loves you all, and stay around... Andrea
