Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? I got lost but look what I found.

(((Lost)))
sorry you are struggling...im sorry the kissing incident happened. i would not tell your H anymore things like that- it isnt going to get you your cheese. not trying to beat you up - xo

i think your H is not sure what he wants- so you get to be clear and strong...when he is around....not easy to do- but just remember what works....

what re you doing to take car of YOU? i sense a lot of off centered-ness from you- i can relate- its not easy to stay clear and strong...

xo P

Even after finding out that you are human and make mistakes like everyone else I still think your pretty great!! and are doing better at this then you may think. Leave the 2x4s in the closet and don't beat yourself up about this again.

I am sure that in that same situation I could easily have made the same mistake. You have all this stress and uncertainty in your life plus your own needs to be happy and satisfied. if anything it shows you that you are not as done as maybe you thought a few weeks ago. its just a change to dust yourself off and refocus your efforts. remember though that most of your efforts need to be about you and your life leaving him to fix his.

I know you don't feel it right now and thats ok but in you there is a very strong chick that is going to get through this and have a fulfilling happy life. Just try to tap into that gal for a few weeks and not worry about him. Take a mental vacation, it really does work,

Thanks for being so kind, guys. You're probably being too kind, but I appreciate it nonetheless.

I'm a little upset because H reschedule his doc appt. that he was supposed to have yesterday to get referrals to specialists. Well, not upset--just frustrated that it's not happening faster. I just need to have more patience.

You're right P, I don't feel centered AT ALL. I have a lot of thoughts and feelings running through my head and heart--all of them conflicted. I love my husband, we are going to be filing for divorce at some point in the very near future, and I'm kind of OK with that. But, I have no idea what to do now. I'm just trying to take every day as it comes, but every night I come home to an empty apartment. It's messing me up, this loneliness. I'm trying to just sit with it, suffer with it, but I'm cracking. I've been learning these last months how to be a better person & really love someone...

and there's no one there when I get home to love.

So, then I'm making stupid choices because I just want to be close to someone. I feel like I take two steps forward, one step back in my progress. I just have a lot more quiet thinking to do.

OK, enough of that, I need to visit y'alls threads and catch up a bit...

take comfort in the fact that he rescheduled not cancelled. unfortunately we have no control over time line and when they do things, you put all the info in his head and he has taken some good steps but you can't do it for him. you've done your part now just sit back trust and hope.

where you are right now sounds familiar to the thoughts running around in my head too, I just wanted to point out that two steps forwards and one back still takes you forward. heck even two forward and 1.9 back still will get where your going it just always takes longer then we would like.

are you doing any more volunteering soon, or working on music or any other things you have been doing for you. I ask because do to being in a slump and busy at work i have dropped a lot of PMA and GAL stuff and its time for me to pick that ball up again and keep moving, How about you??

Lost,

I think the loneliness is the hardest thing. I am trying to study and work on projects, it takes my mind off being alone. Do you have any hobbies like knitting? It is very relaxing, productive, is an opportunity to meet new people at a yarn shop? You might think about something like that. It could help distract your mind.

(((((Lost)))))

Just dropping by to check on you. I hear ya on the loneliness. This was the subject of my DivorceCare class last week. As social creatures we crave attention and affection from other people and when the person we wanted it most from no longer wants to give it we feel isolated even though there are plenty of other people in our lives to give it.

Seek those people out. Find a group of people that share a common interest and force yourself to be involved. I have done that and it has done wonders for my PMA. I'm not saying that I no longer need the loving comfort I once found in my H's arms, but I have been able to replace it with a warm hug from a friend. It is hard but it can be done with A LOT of perservearance.

(((JWS))) I love that you can make me feel better about my 0.1 steps forward. You're totally right--progress is progress, no matter how small.

Most of my GALs involve social things right now, perhaps a bit too much because they can get me off track, but I am still working on creative projects and that's good. I need to feel like I have something in my corner that's just for me.

(((123snap))) Your post made me laugh, cause I actually have a knitting project I've been working on since July. It's a washcloth...and...I still haven't finished it. Sad, right? I do really like knitting, it's so meditative and yet you can carry on a conversation with someone while you do it. So, I totally agree.

(((Mishka))) I guess my problem now is--how long do I put up with the loneliness? Hugs from friends are very nice, virtual hugs are nice BUT...what am I waiting for? I don't think my H is coming back. (See next post)

UPdate on my sitch:

My H has made an appointment for us to file for divorce on Friday.

Right now, I'm OK.

Earlier, I was crying.

It is what it is. I know I'm gonna go through a range of emotions but I will survive.

I think that you will do more then survive, you will LIVE. You are a stronger and better person through out this process. It has not beaten you it has brought out the best in you a strength you never knew you had. You will be happy and one day free of this pain.

One of the greatest things I have seen in you is your ablity to see past your own pain and still seem him as a freind with his own pain that is causing this. Your ablity to truly give to him all he thinks he needs makes you one hell of a great wife. I know that there someone who will reconize that. I also. Believe that one day his pain will past and he will see that too. May not change anything but he will apperciate it someday.

Keep up the good work with the GAL stuff and rally focus on nothing but yourself for a while. Remember that every thing happens for a reason. Our job is not to figure out what that reason is but take what we are given and life the best life we can with that.


(((((((((((((lost))))))))))))
Sorry it's just a virtual hug but it's the beat I could do on short notice. O yeah you get a wet kiss from my puppy too he keeps sneaking up into my lap because he is ready for bed.
Night

I don't know if I have any helpful words, but I did just want to give you a huge (((((((((((((((((hug))))))))))))))))))