M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Just saying hi in what's become an alternate universe to the other alternate universes. I'm sorry you're in upheaval. If there was anything I could do to smooth the waves, know that I'd do so. But trust in yourself and the power within to do what you need for yourself and your family. You're a beautiful person.
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
I've read through this thread and will go back to read your previous ones, although I already feel as though I know you, personally. I can relate with sooo much and completely understand needing a break. It DOES get too intense sometimes.
Hope this day finds you well.
(((((Bridgestone)))))
Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars. You have to let go at some point in order to move forward. ~ Joseph Campbell
M 19 years, MC for 8 months, DB'd for 8 months 4 kids; 18, 15, 14, & 10 I was never meant to be a doormat. It took me years of therapy to become assertive enough to stop his abuse.
Hello all, Thanks to those checking in on me here & in the alternate universe. Your support means a lot.
H & I have not seen each other for over 3 weeks now. I told him after the 2nd physical incident at my house in 10 days, either he could honor a self-imposed restraining order to stay away from me & my house, with contact only about our D. through email, phone messages, and find himself a counselor he could work with on his issues...
or I would get the courts to issue one with more restrictive enforcements, such as I get our D. full-time with him paying child support & spousal support, and court required counseling.
He agreed to the self-imposed 'stay-away' one.
It has been a quiet 3 weeks, phone calls have been almost non-existant. My peace of mind has returned (as best as it can), I am once again being productive in my job and at school.
I am moving forward with making plans for an eventual divorce, the timeline on that is still up in the air. I have not filed, but the logistics of custody of our D., the realities of my job situation, medical benefits, are being considered by me for eventual discussion with H.
right now, as his IC told him.. it may never feel safe for me to interact with him beyond co-parenting. regardless, we need to be able to do that as best we can for the next 4.5 years.
I have heard a change in his words in the past 3 weeks, but I have heard that before.. as I have said on here repeatedly.. consistancy & regularity will make the difference to go beyond the co-parenting... that is a very very long ways away.
Stosny's LWH book says 6-9 months, once the abuser starts to regularly & consistantly showing their changes. He is nowhere close to that.
I am working with my IC on dealing with my resentment, anger & bitterness, as well as trying to figure out why I still feel as if I deserve what I get??
I finally shared with my family and one non-DB friend the extent of the abuse.. all have been supportive. I will say it was very hard to share that.. for whatever reason it was shameful for me.
The kids are still in the dark about it. H told D that he was not welcome back in my house because we had a fight. I told her I had changed the locks because I needed to feel safer after H & I had a fight.
Ironically, about a week after this last incident, over supper, her & I had a discussion about date rape and abuse by boyfriends...when I questioned her about it.. her response... "if he really loves me, he won't push/shove, hit, jerk me around, etc... I'd dump his ass and let everyone know how he treats women."
uh-huh... good for you honey, now eat your veggies, no.. no.. those aren't tears..I just need to be excused to get this piece of lint out of my eye.
Not sure how much I'll keep posting. I just wanted those who were reading along, to know where things were at.
Peace Bridge
Divorced 03/2010 Mom to two amazing kids
Taking the road less traveled because those encountered on the way may be just as unique.
