Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Trying2live- the new post 1

T2L...wow, I am impressed. Taking action. You have gotten me excited that you are doing this. Obviously I cannot do this yet so I have to hang on.
I just found the book on line at half.com from $5.00 to $16.00 for new. I am ordering it today. Was it published in 1998. Want to make sure I am getting the right one.

My book says copyright date of 1998 with tenth printing 2007.

ordering it now.

Tough morning. H is staying home today to pack. (has not packed one thing). He stayed in the room last night watching tv and extremely depressed (think he was crying), Ok my emotions got the best of me last night and I said remember the door is open for now but maybe it will not always be. And remember that the OW's mother is not my Mom, and her kids are not your kids, and everything about this is wrong just because she works for you. No good will come from deceit, lies and shame. He said nothing but was not mad just depressed. He did say later that he can't understand how I am not mad and forgive him for "his mistakes". I take that as a good sign because of my anger and controlling issues were a big issue for him. Think I made a deposit in the love bank.

This morning D came and gave me a kiss and said bye Dad with no kiss. She is seeing him after school today though. H goes outside and is definitely crying. He comes back in and is almost following me around like a lost puppy. I get ready for work and H comes over and starts hugging me. I said "right now i do not remember any of the bad". H says "I will see you later when I bring H home and I want to weed in the back?" So he follows me outside and he says bye and emotionally I fill up with tears and say "I love you honey", he is crying on the porch petting our dog who loves him more than anyone in the house.

So now I am in work and I am going to a lunch yoga class to get my mind off things.

It is so weird to get my head around this that he will be living somewhere else (albeit down the road a bit) but not in our room, or bed. I might move into the spare room for awhile. Not sure I can sleep in that king size bed (that he wanted) and not hear him snore. Need a change.

I have to tell myself today. i can do this. I can do this. Pray for us today.

I look forward to you trying a good 180.

Hope - I'm praying for you. I wish I had that same reaction when my H moved. I just came home to an empty closet with no good bye or anything. I wish he cried for me or at least for leaving his D16. Now I'm crying...boy this is not good.

OMG Marisol I didn't know that's how it happened for you. Tears are okay.
Try to be sure that you don't take rejection upon yourself and I know that's going to be hard because of the manner in which he left.
But ya know what I have come to realize a lots in people. Sometime the very thing they feel inside about themselves they project on others. Maybe he deals with rejection or abandonment issues that are unresolved and has no clue and needs solution based help. But I know that pride doesn't allow them to get help and if we suggest it, its not a good thing.

Either way the Affair will not work. What starts in deception ends in deception at some point. The statistics are there to back it up. If our spouses do not et it together they are in for a long, miserable and lonely road. We if we take this situation grow from it and gain tools and improve in any area are going to go on and find happiness and success, which ultimately is what all our spouses want. I have no doubt by everything you have said in pasts posts that you are going to make it and do well in life.

Off subject. I wanted to give you all this link. It will help you see if you had any contributions to spouses unhappiness(and I do not in any way mean it made it okay or you should accept responsibility for A) and if you didn't it's great information for any marriage good or bad and we should all have it in case, God forbid, we have to move forward with new significant others. I know for sure that if I do, I will be implementing this information. At the bottom it breaks down and explains each one, I would encourage you to click on each one to understand them. I need improving in 2 of them.

Go here: http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html

Marisol,
I am sorry you are crying for what your H did. Rotten yes, but I am sure he could not deal with pain and ran from it because he knew it was so lousy to do. We can have a tear fest later. I plan on putting the music on tonight and screaming in the bathroom so D will not see my pain.
T2L will check on the link tonight. Thanks for sending all of this on.

T2L - Thank you for your words....it means alot. I cried at the moment of reading Hope's entry and did compose myself as I am at work

I did read the info from the link....did you also read that he said it was not likely for spouses who are physically separated to reconcile? That threw me for a loop.

I will be calling the paralegal today to file the request for reconciliation...I'm still unsure about it though. Part of me says yes then part of me says to just file the response to his requests and proceed with the D. How do I decide? What would you all base your decisions on?

Hi Marisol, I am at work too and I have to keep walking outside to compose myself today.
You base your response to either do you want this divorce or do you want to reconcile? Do not base it on what H wants. We have options. Do not let pride get in the way if you do want the marriage to work. I have some family members calling me today to say to file for D, how could you ever take him back etc. I need to formulate what I want to do. My family is trying to make me feel better but they do not live my life. Am I scared with all the work I need to put into this that he could still follow through for D? Absolutely -- but I need to try.
Look at other success stories here where some people actually get D and then reconcile. Have faith in yourself and what YOU want to do. good luck

Well no one can tell you what to do. You have to follow your heart. Someone once told me the heart never lies.

If you want to give it a chance and you want to fight so that either way you walk free and clear knowing that you gave it a chance and did what you could in your power to try, then I say go for it. If you don't have it in you and you feel you have tried then so be it. The great thing is the ball is in our courts, its our choice and no one can say otherwise. its so easy for everyone to say what they would do and I was one of those people. Guess what I did the minute my husband told me. The complete opposite of what I had clung to for 20 years.

I'm a firm believer that unless you have walked in someones shoes you cannot say for sure.

You do what you feel you need to do. If there comes a point when enough is enough you will know. This is the way I feel about it and I told my Pastor it and he said that's a good analogy. I said while I have the grace in my heart to keep standing and a desire for reconciliation then I will go with that because grace comes from God so he must have put it there. And when God feels that enough is enough i know i will feel it in my heart and god is not so inhumane as my Father to not allow my H to make a choice. God will require a choice at some point and in all our hearts we will know and feel it.

I personally think that having them even move in with the OW can be a good thing as it removes all the fantasy and he has to now see her just like every other woman. Or maybe it's not with another woman, maybe they can see what its really like and how much we have done for them. It's not over until we say and the grace has left. That's my thoughts on it so follow your heart.

Thanks ladies! You are all so AWESOME!!!!! I believe that is what I needed to hear.

T2L - Your plan sounds great! I know you will follow through. Take deep breaths and stand tall.

Hope - How are you? I know today is moving day... You will make it through! Ever since my H left my D sleeps with me. We have always been very close. Maybe yours can sleep with you or you can sleep with her in her room for a few days. It really helped me....