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Treese:

How are you today?

Today MWG? Wow......I woke up and H texted me that he was vomiting, blah, blah, blah....so he was going to bring son home...at 10 am....okay so AGAIN, only had him 12 hours...took him bowling...$50 later....geez....he takes him somewhere everytime he gets him....my son thinks it's disneyland...I told H he doesnt have to take him somewhere every time....just play cards or something with him....he's spending our money and soon we will be paying the 1st ow for their child....grrrrrr......

so, I told him I had to run several places with D16 cause it was homecoming and we needed to get a few things.. that it would be difficult for me to take son with me....of course H pouted and said...I'll find something for him to do around here....grrrr....so I said I had to pick D16 up at friends and then I would be by to get son cause I didn't want him sick next week when D16 was having surgery...so i picked him up...of course I was crying cause H is ticking me off big time.....didn't even look up at the door at him just got son in the car and drove away...H lives with sister, my best friend and I just can't bring myself to go over there in the house...hurts too bad...H immediately texted me "THX, I just threw up again"...I didn't respond...

.fortunately sons friend called for him to come spend the night and it was a blessing as D16 really needed all my attention...I did all her makeup and she looked beautiful....H missed her pictures and everything...second dance he's missed now....his loss....

so here I sit alone....H told me to go out with friends but they have husbands and boyfriends and are not available....I told him I had plenty to do....

Anyway....another weekend gone by and H has passed off his responsibilities again....Hhhhhhh...it's getting old....and fast...trying to ignore it but it's hard...and I feel like i'm running in 20 different directions.....stinks....

Treese

Treese,
Until things settled down, you will be running in 20 different directions and also running on empty. I'm sorry this is happening to you and your family. Eventually, you will get a better handle on things, but the most important thing is not to have any expectations of what you think your h should be doing. You now see that you can' rely on him to keep your son for a long period of time. I suspect your h either had a bug or his guilt was eating at him yesterday.

As for taking your son places and doing things, he's looking at this as a "fun time" and most likely doing some of the things he never did as a child, i.e., relieving his past through his child. Then again, he may be totally lost and not know how to entertain his son. Doing things, outside of his home, may be a way to self-medicate the depression as well. He wants to be "fun and happy" for h is son, but I can almost guarantee when your son comes home, your h literally drops frome exhaustion. It's hard maintaining that "can do" attitude when you are depressed or feeling bad.

I'm sure your daughter looked beautiful last night. You have so much to be proud of and your children are proud of you too. Yes, your h has missed out once again on a milestone for one of his children. Continue to take photos and one day, he may want to see what he's missed.

Please take are of yourself. No matter how busy you are, take some time for yourself as well. You will not be able to continue running on empty if you don't pamper yourself a bit as well.

Treese:

When my h first moved out over two years ago, a few weeks after he moved out, he took the kids shopping and bought them expensive things. Buying their love due to guilt....that is probably what your h is doing as well. Try not to think too much about it.

Snodderly is right. You will feel like you are spinning and spinning in several directions. Heck, I still sometimes feel like that but it gets better.

I know this will not make you feel any better but my h missed Christmas and Spring concerts (two years worth) and my daughter's 8th grade graduation. Not to mention Christmas mornings, etc. He has not been home for Christmas since 2005 although all he does now is come over late in the day to join us for holiday dinners.

Hang in there.

Treese - We had similar days yesterday. And it appears that our situations are similar in that all of our friends are couples, we have "disneyland dads" for H's, and they are non-existent when it comes to the responsiblity part of parenting.

I do agree that a lot of it (buying stuff and doing things) is out of guilt. I also know that the kids will figure a lot of this out as they get older. But it is hard to accept now. And as a side note....if you were sick....you would probably still do it all.....

It is exhausting. But I do know that I am the lucky one - I don't miss anything and I have them most of the time.

But it is all so pathetic.

HI all....

YOu're all right I'm sure....it just gets to you sometimes...
just like now...he told us to wait and he will pick us up for sons game at 12:45...well its 1:02 now and he's not here...even my son is mad.....I told son next time mom will just drive....this isnt worth it...son has to be there by 1...he's part of a team....you don't pick when you want to show up....and my son needs to know when you are expected you must be there...his dad so hasnt been on time YET!!! Geez....

And H doesnt appear to feel guilty about anything....he just is looking great....If it was guilt that made him sick, sorry but that would make my day..... ...I know I shouldn't think that but life is way to easy for him right now....some day that will change but for now....

And Millicent....I think that is what ticked me off so bad yesterday....if I was sick I would still have to do everything I always do....H wouldn't help me out at all....that's crap....one of these days I probably will drop from total exhaustion....crazy....don't know how we all do it but I'm guessing God has a lot to do with it.....reaching in that back pocket and pulling out the emergency energy....we're moms and moms can do it all....

Oh and the boy my D went with who graduated with my H....well she texted me last night and wanted to know how "hubby" was feeling...that when he was better he owed her a proper hello....my heart just dropped to my stomach. ....when he does talk to her he will tell her our separation is mutual...but I guess I'll have to set that one straight......

I can honestly tell you that they have no concept of time. You will have to take charge of this and get your family where they need to be because your h's lateness. I know, it is all on you, again, and I hate to say it but it will be like this for some time.

About being sick. When they are sick they stay away. When we are sick, there is nobody to take care of us, let alone help out. We still have to do it all.

I know how you are feeling.

Treese, I don't know what it is about this weekend and these H's. H asked me to take the girls Friday night, even though it is his weekend. I, of course, said yes. I sent him an email telling him that I had an 8:00 a.m. Saturday appointment and asking him what time he would pick up the girls. He never responded. Yesterday morning, D calls me at my appointment, worried because H texted her and said he was busy and would pick her up from her activity. She didn't know how she would get there. We both thought that H would take her. But I reassure her that I would take her. Second D then calls upset because she wanted to go to a meet and H can't take her. Again - he's busy. I head home early to take care of both.

This morning, D calls in a panic. H went to a race and she needs to be at a fundraiser in less than an hour. It would take me 20 minutes to get to her and then another 20 to get her to the fundraiser. I am in a robe with wet hair. I tell her that I will be there. As I am frantically trying to get out the door, D calls back and said that H finally responded to her numerous missed calls and texts. He heads home to take her.

MWG is right about the concept of time. But I think it goes beyond that. They also have no concept of anyone else, except themselves. You and I make our children a priority. At least my H does not. He sees the kids two weekends a month. Yet he thinks nothing about asking me to take a night, or going to a race without them for four hours, or having the younger one (12) babysit OW's three children for a night so they can go out (don't get me started on that one!!!).

It is the ultimate in selfishness, which can be very difficult to accept.

MWG is right - from what I have read, she does know how you feel. We all do.

Hang in there. Try and focus on the positives (your child has a wonderful role model in you). Sometimes it works for me.

Hugs!

gosh, millicent--you even had my head spinning. treese--see, we are all going thru that.

a suggestion if your h has to take one of the kids somewhere--tell him they have to be there earlier than when they really have to be there.