Hi Bbj, I was surprised to read your news today. I am sorry you find yourself in a confused situation again. BUT, the way I choose to read what you are "reporting" is that you two still have the same goal : live happy together. From what he says that is what he wants but it seems to feel very hard for him. Am I wrong?
I would be cautious but not discouraged. You can still use all the tools you have picked up through this last year, you can deal with this and not let it get bigger "dimensions".
What you said about a guy at his work having a heart attack makes sense to me. Men usually react to these kind of things (remember moonstruck with Cher where her mom told her that her father was straying because he was afraid of dying?").
Don't lose your focus now. You were doing good. Consider this a bump and stay strong. Keep the happy face on and dont let his mood ruin yours. It can become a "vicious circle". Love K
BBJ..don't have much to add but know I am thinking of you..lots of good advice yuour getting and I agree with a lot of it..OW or the guy at the desk may be the reason for all this..
I did my best to be happy cheerleader yesterday. I was home with my son as his asthma was flaring up and he had a fever. So I cleaned the kitchen top to bottom, sorted through and got rid of the stacks of paper on the counters, etc. until it was actually a nice, clean, "empty" (of crap) kitchen. Then I did the same to the dining room and the living room.
I think part of H's stress is to come home and see piles of anything stacking up b/c his mom and dad live that way. You almost need a machete to hack your way through the clutter in that house...
So anyway I also cleaned our bedroom up about 70% better than it was...Made dinner, had it in the oven and took a shower before H got home. Also had the kids bathed and in their jammies. (Oh yeah, and took care of a sick kid, got him to the doctor, picked up D2 from daycare, etc )
We had a pretty nice, calm evening. We each took one of the kids and read to them before putting them to bed. By 9:15 we had the kids in bed and could actually relax in a clean, non-stressful house. So what did we do? Crashed! Almost, anyway. I was hanging out half asleep on one couch and H on the other. He got up to check his blood pressure and it was 135/90 which isn't bad compared to where it has been. Then he said, "You are falling asleep, go to bed, I am coming to bed too."
So at 10 pm we were both in bed. Nothing exciting, just both in bed. And then this morning he kissed D goodbye and then kissed me goodbye too. So who knows? I am just going to be me and let him figure out him....
S was home sick yesterday w/asthma. This morning he was complaining about his belly hurting. I sent him anyway b/c he had no fever and I thought he was playing hooky so he could stay home and play...
We had staff meetings for 2 hrs this morning, so school started at 10. At 9:45 daycare called that S6 was throwing up on the way to the bus line and I needed to come get him. So I told the office I was taking another sick day and left school at 10. I called and told FIL and my mom just for FYI purposes since they had both called earlier to check on him...FIL said he'd be out mowing but S could come there any lay down on his couch so I could go back to work. I said no need, I already took a day.
H called me back, I had left him a message. He asked why S wasn't just going to FILs (his dad's). I said, I already took a day off, so it doesn't matter. I get 10 paid sick days a school year. He said, yes but this is the second one and it is only September, why WOULDN'T you have my dad watch him?
I said, bc I already told the office I would do it, your dad can do it tomorrow if he is still sick then...H sounded super pissed and said I could just do whatever I wanted. He gets SO annoyed when I don't do things his way. To him it means I don't respect him if I don't take his advice 100% of the time...
I said, I don't know why you are so angry (I stayed "no emotion" about it which seemed to irritate him more), I made a decision. He said, "Well you didn't THINK". That is so irritating. I DID think. I KNEW FIL had made the offer. I just CHOSE to stay home myself. I get H's point, I may need some of those sick days later in the year and part of moving home was to have family support. But I had already made the decision and he could care less...
So I got off the phone. I hate being in a fight so I just called FIL and told him I would bring S out, then I called school and said I'd be back at 11. So, grr! Now I am super mad at MYSELF for caving to H. He wants me to be all strong and independent and self-assured, except/unless/until he wants me to do what HE wants me to do. WTF??? If I had called and asked him what to do, he would have said that I was a big girl and should be able to figure it out myself. But since I made a decision that was not the one he would have made, it was wrong of me to think for myself??
This is what I mean about being able to be "safe" in the knowledge that we are going to be married, regardless of what comes our way. Commitment means we don't get so pissy about such random stuff. I need to be able to agree to disagree without it meaning I don't love him, trust him, respect him, etc. And he needs to know that I can make decisions that are different from ones he would make, but it doesn't make me "wrong"....
I agree, I should have stuck by my decision. I knew it as soon as I called my FIL and told him I was bringing S out to him. But then it was done, so I just did it. No sense waffling all day long...
But it won't happen again. I am a big girl and allowed to have opinions.
)
