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Hi ACJ,
Thanks for explaining what your social network group does. That sounds teriffic. I never heard of anything like it. It must be a great place to get to know people.

Have a nice day. (((HUGS)))

It is but you do have to be brave and be prepared to walk in to events alone and then maybe to make the first effort to speak to someone.

It sounds fairly simple. Can you bring a friend, such as a girl friend with you or do you have to attend alone?

Yes you can take a friend although you have to book them on in advance (as for yourself). They also pay slightly more for each event than members. Each friend is only allowed to attend 3 times as a guest after which if they wish to continue taking part they have to become members in thier own right (which is fair). Guest cannot go on the holidays though as there are too few places. I haven't done a holiday yet (apart from weekend breaks) as I can't justify going away for the week without the children but I would like to do that some day.

Hi ACJ,
Have a relaxing and nice week-end. (((HUGS)))

And so the rollercoaster takes another deep dive into oblivion...........................................

Despite agreeing in principle (with the caveat that I could afford it) that H would accept £30k from me to buy him out of the house he has now rejected it He wants a minimum of £36k!!!!!!!!!!!!! I already said no to that at the meeting we had the other week so in reality we both wasted our money that day.

This offer came linked to the fact that I would let him withdraw his D petition and I would replace it with one based on his adultery. It's for this reason that I am so surprised that he has rejected my offer. He has two priorities.

[list]
[*]nullTo D me as quickly as possible
[*]null To get as much capital out of me as possible

I thought the first one was his main priority but obviously I got this one wrong. He had the opportunity to be rid of me by early New Year. Now the chances are that we will still be at stalemate this time next year. WTF

Do MLC men ever know what they really want?

This didn't upset me but within minutes I had heard from my S16. I had TMd him earlier to ask if he wanted to stay over on Weds night as I'm working near his college on Thurs. He replied back that he would like to but he isn't going to b/c he doesn't want to have to go through the arguements with H again. I responded with telling him how much I loved him but as he is 16 I have no jurisdiction to overule his decisions. Having clearly decided not to see me I could not let him keep ripping out my heart and stamping on it. He knows I cannot just turn up to see him. H won't allow me over this threshold. So I told him he knows where to find me if he needs me. I can do no more, my hands are tied. Until my S16 chooses to fight for me (as my fights for him aren't working) all I can do is stand on the sidelines and watch. I could take it court but he will just tell them what he has told me and so it would get me nowhere except an even larger bill.

That has made me incredibly sad. I really wish I had D H when he left nearly 3 years ago b/c if I had I wouldn't be going through all this extra heartache now.

ACJ,

Your son is chafing under your STBX's tyranny, and eventually (I predict sooner rather than later) will get fed up with it. Just wait, he'll come around. If your stupid STBX doesn't watch it, all his kids are gonna end up hating him.

I'm betting OW wasn't satisfied with 30k. If so, things might be kinda tense at their house. Maybe STBX is not panning out to be the Mr. Moneybags she thought he was? I don't imagine dragging out the D will be good for their R.

Are you doing anything to cheer yourself up this weekend?

Well there's the thing. Literally all my plans for the weekend have collapsed. My parents were supposed to be coming but my mum is ill so they have stayed at home. D13 was supposed to be going to a sleepover but on Friday it turned into coming home at 11pm. At that point I was going out for a drink with a friend but she had to cancel due to unexpected family problems. Now I'm home alone with a big bar of chocolate and big bottle of unopened wine. Can't say I feel at my best

As for S16 if you were him would you want to swap being left on your own overnight and being allowed to go to night clubs when you wanted for the rules and boundaries of loving, caring mum? He won't be home. He has too much freedom.

I dunno. Kids that age (esp. boys) don't like being told what to do about anything. Also, I bet OW does not really love having him there-- remember how angry she was when she caught him having sex w/his girlfriend his her bed?

He is 16 now, but can you see him still living with them when he's 18? If he does elect to continue to stay there, OW will probably insist he leave before he's too much older anyway. And if at some point they do push him out, what will his R with his dad gonna be like then?

When your S is a little older, he will look back and realize who really had his best interest at heart. I think you are going to have a great R with all your adult kids, your STBX not so much.

Sorry you're feeling so lousy, honey.

Thank you for your words of support Andabelle.



Interestingly they have already told S16 that they won't have any children of thier own until he is 18 and has gone to uni. Where do they think he is going to go out of term time if they are still living in a one bedroom flat?

S16 seems to cope with OW moods by going out when they are in. He can't feel very comfortable there but for some reason he feels better there than he did here.

To be fair he has tried to make amends tonight but only if I compromise all the time. I don't mind being flexible some of the time but it would't be real if I did it all the time. He is learning this from his dad as is evident from today's letter. H thinks if he keeps pushing for more and more I will cave in. Well not this time. I might end up with less if I go through the courts but at least I will have had the chance to fight for what is rightfully mine instead of just giving it away to OW.