I'm sorry I can't tell you how to do it. All I can do is offer my support, and provide testimony that it is possible.
Frank,
This really doesn't have to tie into any abandonment issues from your childhood. That's probably something that will stay with you for the rest of your life in some form or another. These events are unrelated and unlike your experience from childhood, it's more likely a positive result will take place if your willing to "let her go".
Poohbear is correct. It does get better and half the battle is just believing that it will. Don't wait around for it to happen "some day". Make it happen by believing it has already.
How do you "get there"? You just do, because the alternative (constant anxiety, depression, self pity, anger, and despair) is unacceptable. You won't last long physically, mentally, emotionally or spiritually in that state of being. Don't let the dark force behind those emotions defeat you.
Don't be your own judge and executioner Frank. It's only a damn state of mind. It's not what the reality is. Reality is you can be enjoying a much improved quality of life if your just willing to pursue it.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
I honestly don't see how you do it with so much contact. Time heals all wounds but not seeing her will help quite a bit too. If there are steps you can take (legal) so that you don't have to see her so much it might be beneficial for your own mental health.
This is IMHO of course and formed out of my personal experiences and hindsight.
"Fear is the mind-killer" Muad'Dib Me 53, XW 44, DD 14, DS 12 Bomb and OM 12/15/06 Separated 01/02/07 Divorced 05/13/08 X married OM(OMH) 08/2009 Married 06/09/13
Don't be your own judge and executioner Frank. It's only a damn state of mind. It's not what the reality is. Reality is you can be enjoying a much improved quality of life if your just willing to pursue it.
The Requirements of Waiting Psalm 27:1-14 Waiting on the Lord is a basic principle in the Christian life. The problem is that doing so runs counter to our human nature. We want to take action and grasp what we desire, but the Spirit says to sit still before God and receive from Him. To counter what "self" tells us, God's Spirit will help us grow in four areas.
Faith. On his own, man can make little sense of the command to pause before the Lord. Human logic says, "Surely God expects us to reason things out"; however, only when we regard life from a faith perspective will the benefits of stillness become clear. During times of uncertainty or great stress, we find comfort as we are quiet in His presence. The more we develop a strong belief system, the better we will become at practicing this discipline.
Humility. To counter our natural inclinations, we must be convinced that we need God and that we cannot live without His guidance. Only then are we willing to submit our lives and ourselves to His way and His timing.
Patience. This characteristic is essential if we are to remain in our present situation and refrain from taking action until God directs us otherwise.
Courage. When people second-guess our motives or pressure us to make a decision, godly courage is required. Through our practice of quiet dependence on the Lord, we will be able to stand firm.
Waiting on the Lord is not a waste of time; it is a declaration that God is in charge. Furthermore, it demonstrates a significant investment in kingdom work. Why not invest your time in this wise way?
There can be no testimony without a test. I am praying to go through this test and come out the other end with a new and better marriage then before.
hang in there...for me the detachmnt really didn happen like a light switch.
it may have been working toward that goal for a long time but suddenly, one day, it was like a light was switched and i was truly detached.
there have still been anxiety riddled moments some 2nd guessing of my judgements
it is scary to let go because even detaching, while we can see in theory how good it would be for us, is frightening
because in detaching we truly are...letting them go not like a boomerang where we expect them to come back but we are letting them go to come back or stay gone and we are setting ourselves free to see that they are really gone
stayed up till 4 am working on a project. Made good progress.
It's funny how when I feel like I'm moving forward W does something that hits me in the heart.
she sent out an e-mail to all her contacts stating that she had a new Gmail address (I have provided her mail server for her personal domain) and that she now has a P.O. box.
Kind of her declaration to the world that she doesn't live here any more.
That hurt.
I guess sitting here saying 'this can't be happening' is foolish. It has and it is. She's gone for good and I'm going to be ok. I'll make sure my kids are ok also.
Was talking to D17 about stuff last night. We got on the topic of the family breakup and she said said that for half her life she's lived with this situation. I told her that this sucks and I hurt every day and it seems like her mom doesn't hurt at all.
