Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Accepting the consequences

OM made ME feel special, sexy, not just the person available due to the fact that I'm laying right there next to him (BH) every night.
I realized this weekend my H doesn't look me in the eyes when we ML. Now I completely understand this now, after all that's happened, but I realized he didn't do that before the A either.
And that's exactly what OM did. Always looked in my eyes.
Of course, I didn't know he was going to do that before I started the A, but all the pre-physical stuff seemed so flattering, so special.
Now I realize that it was all fake, on both of our parts. And what I should have done was look at my marriage before the A, and tried to figure out what it was that I had issues with, and talked with my H then.
And I so regret not doing this. I so regret it.

LL,

I have just read this thread and your other one. I think DQ is right to get you to question WHY you had the A in the first place. If you don't know why you can't prevent it happening again.

Having been in your H's position, I just wanted to say to you not to give up on your H. I think that when he really feels the need for C he will follow through. It's something that you have to want for it to be effective.

Like you, my H told me about his A rather than me discovering it. Over time the significance of that has increased. I can see it took a lot of guts and bravery for him to come clean. It also showed me just how much was wrong in our R that an A could occur. Don't give up on your H. Discovering about an A really hurts...but give him time and keep showing him you want your M and he will likely come round. It has been my H's consistency in his remorse and his continual showing that he loves me that has really helped things heal. Occasionally I still think I was wrong to stay...but that feeling has lessened with time. If your H REALLY wanted a D he would be pro-active in starting the process. It sounds to me like he is lashing out because he is hurting...and he wants to see you hurt too. (the sex this seems to show that too).

Ride the storm. It may take quite a while, but if he really is the person you want to be with it will be worth it. I 'tested' my H in lots of different ways to keep re-assuring myself that he really was sorry for what he had done. I still do 'test' him sometimes.

Good luck.

I could of done it. As the one who had the A and the guilt and sadness that comes with that , I would of done it and in a twisted way I have.

Has your H stayed with you ?

Mine has been like a yoyo. He says he is no longer hurt but just feels life has ripped him off. I sooooo sooo want him back .

does your H feel the same way. If he is with you , do you know what gave him the strength to forgive you and stay in marriage ?

I am so $%^&ed off today