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ooops what city are you in?

DAM reached out AGAIN from school. I left my laptop connected while I went to the gym thinking he might do this and it would be nice for me to be on unavailable. He wanted to know what I did this weekend. Of course he did since I didn't tell him earlier when he asked how my weekend was. I kept it pretty vague, but interesting enough that he could read things into it if he wanted to. Hung out with colleagues from work etc.

He is really annoying me. He sent me the message an hour ago. I respond, and then all he says is "cool". Ugh. Anyway, I think he just wants to keep tabs on me. That's fine, but I will not be volunteering information. I wonder if some more deep and meaningful conversations will take place tonight. Again, he makes NO sense. Why does he care what I do so much?

Jen--I'm in Wroclaw. What's hash? I seem to remember seeing this on your thread...

Sep--I do walk around and look at things in general every weekend. I guess I just haven't been in the mood for company much. I don't really want to gossip about what's going on, and when I DO tell people I always get the speech about protecting myself and how I should seek legal counsel and set a deadline for how long I will put up with this for.

I know that I should try to do more with myself. Evenings are fine as I go to the gym and then it's basically bedtime. I usually go to dinner once per weekend with work colleagues, so this is good. It's just the Saturdays and Sundays that are a bit dismal at the moment.

ITH

LMAO - ITH!!! I think it's so funny how DAM "like not having constant contact" yet wants to know your agenda. Obviously he still cares about you and misses you, yet don't expect him to admit that!!!

Oh I completly understand about not hanging with many people! I only have 2 friends that know my situation that I hang out with. I haven't even told my family except my mother just because I don't want to hear everyones' advice. I am going to work on my marriage and don't need their 2 cents!! LoL.

OK now I am confused again. He started chatting with me talking about when "he" is going to Mexico. I was supposed to go too, no mention of this now, like I am not in the equation. "He" is going to look at the calendar to see when he can go. I am REALLY mad. I guess I can't say anything now, and if things get better between now and then I can always ask to come later? This was a baptism for his cousin's baby and he was to be godfather. I kept my mouth shut and said what an honor it was to be named godfather.

Then he said "we need to start getting ahead" on our expenses that he couldn't believe we spent like $8K last year on who knows what, and I just said "lots of trips". Then suddenly he said "gotta go, see ya," and logged off. WTH??? I am SOOOOOO clueless once again. I know he is in class, but I am SOOO tired of him needing to be SO in control of every conversation and thing we do. Oh and he said he knows right now our finances are odd and extraordinary because of the school expenses, umm no, because we are maintaining 2 households, but I would not dare to mention that...Not sure if there is something he is mad about there? Not assuming anything, but if only he would see the very clear light about how things could be cheaper. At least this plays in my favor for coming home, the fact that we have no money and need to get ahead. And with the finances everything is "we".

The Mexico thing I guess was to be expected, and given that it's in January, I still have time to try and get in on the trip later. The we need to get ahead thing doesn't fit with his mentality about not being married, and he even said "sorry we are so poor right now." Yes he should be sorry...

OK rant over. Maybe I will not hear from him again tonight. I just have this feeling like there's a dam about to break (no play on DAM intended). Does anyone else ever have these feelings?

ITH

Hi Sep,

Our posts must have crossed paths.

I am positive DAM misses me and cares about me. I wouldn't actually be that surprised if he gave me the ILYBNILWY speech sometime soon. Haven't heard these lines yet, but he's not terribly original so I imagine they'll be coming out sooner or later :).

Anyway I think I might even tell DAM that we have no money for him to come to Poland. We actually really don't, and much as I would like to see him here, this would be a massive 180 for me, and I am starting to think that the more time between now and when I see him the better chance I have of him not freaking out on me, so this wouldn't be inauthentic. What do you think of this? He's unlikely to actually plan the trip anyway, but since he's suggested, I think it's OK for me to raise the topic.

ITH

Hi ITH,

I have lots of catch up on!

I'm a little confused about what the 180 would be- would it be saying you guys don't have enough money, or bringing up the topic of finances? (Sorry if I've missed this is previous posts).

I'd say (IMHO, and either way) don't raise the issue on money for the Poland trip with H. Leave him to make a move on it and if he brings it up again send him the budget and let him make the decision about the availability (or lack of) funds for it.

Wroclaw doesn't sound like the funnest place in the world, but great news on the flat abs!!

L. xx

Hi OD,

I was just thinking it would be a 180 for me to basically put off seeing him. At this point he seems to think my world revolves around him, so if he saw that I put our finances above meeting up, it would be quite the 180...We've been discussing finances amicably for ages, but now he is under the impression that everything about the budget is basically my fault, because of course he is the victim in this relationship and went on loads of expensive trips to appease me:).

He brings up the budget constantly, so I was thinking of just sending an email the day before I got paid to say that we were really short this pay period because I wasn't getting a bonus this month (he needs to be reminded that my money counts), and did he have any suggestions for how we could make changes to the budget. I will show a few of my own, that I am cutting my personal trainer, and then was thinking of mentioning that in addition to this I didn't really think we could afford for him to visit Poland. It would just be one of my budget cutting suggestions. What do you think? Should I still not do this?

H is driving me crazy lately and I think he's having a semi MLC. Still fairly sure that there is not nor will ever be an OW, but he still is having some existential crisis that I am not finding amusing at the moment, and acting like a child from time to time.

ITH

Hi ITH,

Why does H think the budget issues are your fault? Just skimming the most recent posts it seems as though you have control of the budget? Is that right? If so, I think the 180 would be for him to take control of the budget or to make the decisions about spending etc. for a while. Would that be something you could do?

I wouldn't try to put H off coming to Poland, but just leave it to him. if he decides he wants to pop over that's probably a good baby step (and you can always be difficult about timings etc as a result of work or your excellent GAL over there). If he doesn't come you won't have lost anything. I just get the feeling he wants some control over things and you telling him not to come because of the money might seem to him as though he's being told what to do?

JMHO though.

Bad news if he IS having an MLC- most take around 18 months to play out from an S from what I've read on the boards (if not longer). I don't think they all have OW- there are lots of other plasters they take up, I guess. You know, I was sort of relieved when I realised my H was having an MLC as it explained a lot of his behaviours (there was really nothing in our R to make him go as he has), but now I wonder. If it had been a result of things in our R, me, things I did, I could have fixed them and he might have been drawn back. As it is, I've fixed what I needed to, and now the only thing for it is to wait, compliment, wait, compliment more, wait more and so on. It's a long haul! I don't mean to be discouraging, BTW. I just really hope it is a semi-MLC for your H and it resolves quickly!

L. xx

I like this idea ITH (good one OD ) Would it be possible?

I don't have much for you on the H front but I did find the website for the Hash House Hariers in Warsaw. It's not usually loaded with locals and you def find some Americans or brits.

http://warsawhhh.republika.pl/