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Tonight, I acted normal on the phone. He stays out of town during the week for his job, not where OW lives, she lives 1000 miles away (or so I hope she still does, I have fears she moved here to be with him during the week - may take a drive to the city one day and just check it out in a couple of weeks). If nothing else it made me feel better. He is so depressed, we are flat broke and he just started working again so the money has not started coming in yet from his job, next week he gets paid. Planned on having a talk with him this weekend, but now I am rethinking that and may wait until things are better for him workwise. I think now a realtionship or what I want talk would not go over well. At least now I am reading that kind of thing better. When to keep my mouth shut and when it is a good time to talk. Oh well, bath time for the kids and I am going to relax and just veg out tonight.

Not a bad weekend, but could have been better. H was home on Sunday, I did not wait for him, went to church and he was waiting for me when I came home. The kids were here with his mom, good for him to spend some time. He was acting almost normal, but I am not reading too much into it. No touching or kissing, but I was not waiting around for it either. He talked a little about vacation next summer and he something he said prompted me to say "are you going to do that alone?" he said, I have asked you over and over to do that stuff with me all those years. Well, yes I know for quite a few years I did neglect part of our marriage, I am not denying that and the affair really made me sit down and realize that I did that but I have admitted to it and now just don't assume that I would not want to do those things anymore. Glad he was talking about the family vacation, a little pissed that he brought up "well you never want to do things with me" I have been very good about not dredging up his recent past lately and it has been me these last few months that has tried to do more things in our realtionship. Well, putting kids to bed and going to spend the evening together.

My husband uses 'not wanting to do things' as a reason for the other woman too. She has a tattoo like him, something I do not want to do...they had planned on going skydiving together too...not something I want to do either. Funny, I never cheated with a younger guy when he would not go to a play or dancing with me. I hope your evening goes well.

Last night we were kindof joking around and I said "what are you going to do without me?" He said "are you leaving?" I got serious and asked if that is what he wants, his answer was, no, I don't want that, maybe before I did but not now. I don't know what to read into that, things are still strained and I have not brought up the contact thing with the OW, so for now I just wait an see where this goes.

Are you just using DB as a place to journal? Are you looking for advice?

I do just write down things, but advice is always welcome. The one thing that kills me is the our complete lack of intimancy. I have let it go somewhat, do bring it up sometimes and he keeps saying "soon". I have also noticed that the more I leave him alone the more he seems to want to talk (about anything) and the more he says he loves me.

I understand his lack of intimacy. Give him time. He needs it. I need it, too. It will take a lot of patience on your part. If you can wait, he will slowly come around.

I always thought I had loads of patience, but this has really tested it. Trying my best to hang on and let him be and just move forward every day.

phone bill came yesterday. Still lots of calls back and forth between them. do I say anything? do I really want to get into a fight about it? I don't know

Did you set up a "no contact" policy?