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What happened that she said she wasn't going to take you to the airport again?
If it was an emotional outburst, does she know it's because you want to try again? or did it appear that it was because of the kids and had nothing to do with her?

What are you doing to GAL?

The kids were really Emotional...She said she couldn't handle that. Also the kids were begging us to get back together. It was my sons 10th bday and he told us all he wanted for his present was for me to kiss her. I whispered to her that I was going to and she said it wasn't a good idea. I did it any way.

So it was your trip that made you see how much you wanted to be back with your family? John, I think you need to make sure that you are missing your wife too not just the idea of the family you had. She is the same outspoken woman you left. You need to be sure you are thinking about this in the big picture sense and that you understand she hasn't miraculously become a different woman that you'll have excellent communication and lots of sex with. The same issues will still rear their ugly heads unless you are both committed to changing them. Had you both been trying to work on things when you left? Does she understand that her lack of communication and lack of sex were things that needed to change to make you happy? What things did she want you to change and are you willing to work on those things?

I see how this is going to be difficult for you since you are so far away, but I think Trixi had great advice. I'm sure you have to communicate with her about your kids...correct? Is that by phone, email...what? My advice would be to take every opportunity you have to communicate with her to show a different more attractive side of yourself. Different things work with different people. It doesn't sound like you've done a lot of begging with her so have you thought about putting your thoughts in an email and asking her to give your relationship some time? How are your kids handling things? How old are your kids?

(((John))) You will be okay...the rebound relationship almost never works...I read a book recently that talked about when a spouse has moved on with someone new and you still want an opportunity to rebuild your relationship with them you should always present yourself as the less complicated option. Chances are CT Daddy will be bothered by any contact your W has with you and he'll start putting pressure on her...when that happens make sure you aren't giving her the same kind of pressure. Make sense?

I understand where your coming from with her not being a changed woman. I think a lot of this was my fault also. I shut down for about the last 3 month we were together. We both did. I am not sure about writing the email you suggested. I thought we weren’t suppose to talk about the relationship according to DB. We talk on the phone about 2 times a month and email about the same always having to do with the kids.

The kids are 7 and 10

Have you read the DB book? The no relationship talk thing is because most of us have talked about the R at so much that not talking about it is a 180. I'm not saying you should start barraging her by begging, pleading and focusing on nothing but the R, but it kind of sounds like she may not be completely aware that you are serious about rethinking things.

I swear if it weren't for the fact that you have two boys and I only have 1 girl I would think you were my H only I don't think he has any regrets the way you do. I tried very hard to work on myself the last 3 or 4 months we were together, but he had completely "turned off" and chalked my changes up to me being a good actress. Then one day I came home from work and he told me he was leaving and then left...like right then. It was a huge shock and it rocked my world, but because you and I seem to have similar sitch's in an opposite kind of way I will let you in on my perspective nearly 4 months after he left. I'm not saying your wife and I are thinking the same thing but on the off chance she is even remotely experiencing the same thoughts I am it may help you understand her better.

For the first three months I was absolutely devastated...basically kissed his ass...seduced him...did favors for him...all of it. None of it worked...he just became more resolute in his decision...said having sex wasn't a good idea as it was too confusing. Anyway, around the beginning of the third month something changed in me and the time I spent thinking about how much I loved him and missed him turned to me thinking about how he had basically took off because he wasn't "happy" without any thought to how it would affect our daughter. She is taking this very hard and he has his head in the clouds about it and insists it's because I fill her head with crap. I can assure you...I do not even talk about it with her unless she brings it up during one of her crying fits. Anyway, as a result of me changing what I spend my time thinking about...my thoughts about him are a lot less charitable. I only focus on the bad which is good in the sense that it has helped me to buck up a bit and stop being so freakin pathetic. Sooooo...that said, what would change my mind about him now? Maybe a sincere effort from him to be kind, caring and ask about how I'm doing and D is doing without him constantly focusing on his feelings and how bad things are for him...I mean it's hard to feel sorry for someone that made the choice to leave. Make sense?

I think it's good you've realized it was a two way street for the two of you and that neither of you can take all the blame. I really think you should focus on being the more attractive option for her. What was it about you she had issues with? Figure out what that was and be different.....CONSISTENTLY.

Thanking for letting me know your story. No I don’t think she knows my feelings I have tried very hard to remain upbeat and positive when talking to her. I will have to think this out about telling her how I feel. If she is happy I am glad for her (and that’s hard for me to say). I have hurt her and if this new guy gives her things I can’t I don’t want to come between them. As much as I love her and miss her I want her to be happy first. Is that crazy…I am wanting to get my wife back but I’m willing to back off so she can be happy with someone else.

That is very noble of you to want her to be happy first. And maybe she *can't* be happy with you (I dunno.)

BUT BUT BUT
Did you know that they did a poll of married people and that X percentage said they were very unhappy. 5 years later, the same people were polled. The ones that stayed married rated them selves happy to very happy. The people that got a divorce weren't as happy. (I think that;s how it goes, I'll try to find the poll and post it.)
You children deserve an intact family. Your wife might THINK CT guy is "the thang" right now. But since you haven't actually communicated, who knows. Your wife could be crying at night because she thinks you have moved on and don't miss her. She might feel like her ONLY option is CT guy.

I agree with CW that you will be hopping back into the frying pan you jumped out of (unless she has changed), but on the other hand, you don't know what your W is thinking.

You guys are great. I have been a basket case all week and I feel tons better just talking this out. Although I still have not resolved anything. I am going to take your advice and at least let her know my feelings.

I agree with everything Trixi said...it is very noble of you to say "you want the best for her"...BUT...what is really best for her and your children is for the two of you to figure out how to keep your family together. Someone posted something here...I think it was maninmotion maybe the following quote:

Why are the children of divorce so resilient? Because their parents need them to be.

In other words...we tell ourselves the children will be fine, but divorce affects them for years to come. I find it interesting that all the issues my H has in his life and how he handles things go back to him having BIG issues with his parents divorce and the fallout of their custody battle. It sounds to me like your kids are also having a really hard time with things.

John, you truly don't know what your wife is thinking...I wouldn't put undue pressure on her, but I would certainly find a way to subtley let he know the door is still open. In the meantime...work on yourself....REALLY think about how you might do things better in the future if given the chance. That way if she does start warming up to you, you already have a gameplan and a strategy for making things work once and for all. Also, don't forget your own happiness...afterall your lack thereof is what got you here so it's something you shouldn't overlook.