Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? Guess I'm staying here awhile longer

Thanks for the reality check Sep. You are totally right. My mind is going to change every ten minutes anyways so I might as well focus on putting my ducks in a row rather than trying to figure out what to do with my DAM! Hehe.

I know there is a lot of potential but that has always been the problem. He has so much potential. I have so much potential. Our relationship has so much potential. It is just a matter of unlocking all that at once. I need to work on my potential and wait this mess out.

It's really hard right now though. He did not contact me at all today. I will stay strong tomorrow and not reach out but it is getting harder and harder to not call or text. I know it would do no good but I miss him right now. Things were going so well.

Sigh.

Well I have to get some sleep. No sense sitting up obsessing about this right now.

Hi Daisy,

You're doing well. Hang in there. You can't unlock all the potential at once anyway! It will be a slow process, as you know. I agree with Sep though that your sitch does have a lot of potential, and I see it as one of the most promising on this board. You see each other frequently, and there is still counseling, even if only IC. He hasn't said he doesn't want to work things out, no OW etc. This is only 1 day of NC. I went through the same thing, and have been up to 3 days with NC now. It is painful, and it doesn't really get less so, but it does get easier not to initiate contact, I promise.

Things will go well again when he sees that you are not pursuing him. It will make all the difference in the world. Hang in there Daisy!

ITH

Hey ITH

Thanks as always for the post.

I wish I felt better. Today was NC day #2 which is probably the most we have gone since starting counseling a couple months back. I miss him terribly but at the same time feel like I need to back way way up because I don't want my heart to choose him this time. I want my head to pick. It needs to be the right decision not just the most confortable or convenient.

It's amazing how a day can change things. That morning I was so over the moon happy to see him, couldn't wait for him to get here, and less than 12 hours later I was telling him I didn't want to talk to him anymore and that if this was the best he could treat me divorce papers would be on their way.

Ugh! Ugh! Ugh!

I wish I could rewind.

I know there are things I said that I need to apologize for and that if I reached out to him he would most likely talk to me. But I need to wait this out and have him come to me this time. I am tired of being the pursuer. It's exhausting. It has always been this way in our marriage. If there was a conflict I would chase him down. If I was bored I would chase him down. If I wanted sex I would chase him down. Always running like a looney. I'm not sure he even knows how to pursue!

So this is a huge 180 for me and that is probably why it is so damn hard.

All I do now is go to work, come home, get on here, surf the net, watch tv, and then go to bed. It's disgusting but I feel in zombie mode again and can't seem to bring myself to do the GAL things I should be doing. It's especially hard when my friends are busy and don't have time for me. Oh well. I will try and distract myself somehow. I am really just dreading the weekend though.

((((Daisy))))

Oh how I wish I could hit the rewind button too!!! You can do this just hang in there. I know about the GAL issue it is hard very hard but eventually you will find some hobby or something just to get your mind off of things. You don't always have to include other people in your GAL, you can go for a stroll in the mall or park just get out of the house.

The Zombie mode is the hardest and probably most well known on these boards.

Thanks Sep

I know there is still potential but right now I feel like burying the relationship potential along with our memories in a big pile of sand!

Yes I know Daisy. I took all the wedding pics and put them in a box because they made me sad. They are still there and will remain there until I officially make it to stage 2.75. You will get over the anger and hurt in due time it's just part of the ride.

I hope you are right my dear. I am not sure how much more of this I can take. Life is too short.

I really just need to set some goals and stick to the plan. I only work two days next week so I will have more than enough time to get something going here.

I have three big goals right now:

1. Lose weight (I have lost 15 lbs. since the split but want to lose more)

2. Work on writing

3. Find a new job/career so I can move out of my parents house by Christmas

So this week I plan to start a workout routine, set a goal sheet for writing, and look online and apply for a second job.

I will break these down more specifically later tonight and post again.

Plus I just got off the phone with a good friend who misses me and wants to get together soon! So that was good timing. She is a sweet girl who always makes me feel better. She will be gone this weekend but hopefully next week we can find a day or two to get together!

Things might be looking up. Even without that DAM of mine.

Great Daisy!!! Your goals are all great ones for a VERY PMA!!!

It's also great that you will probably meet up with yr friend next week..it gives you something positive to look forward to.

Yep. Now it is just a matter of getting my butt off the couch (or computer chair in this case) and doing it!

But hey I got my DB cheerleaders here for me!