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Yes, Theo, Retrouvaille is about universal change. Both people willingly changing to improve the relationship because they both agree that a better relationship is a desirable goal. And that's why it is so hard to get the other spouse there. Because in so many of these situations the WAS has decided that s/he will not change and an improved relationship is not in his or her best interest.

Yoyo,

Your husband isn't discarding his daughters. He never held them that close to begin with. He's just expressing where his true loyalties really lie -- with his momma. He's treating his daughters the same way he's always treated them. His feelings haven't changed; only the situation has.

And your daughters see your H for the philandering man he is. They aren't going to be all sweet and nice to him, so he gets grumpy with them. And...teen age girls can be really snippy. ;-)

Don't be shocked. It's broken, fallen human nature. Read the short story "A Good Man is Hard to Find" by Flannery O'Connor. Very illuminating. You remind me a little of the woman in the story who can't seem to believe that murderous human cruelty could exist in such seemingly decent, outwardly nice people. Then sha-zaam, disaster strikes.

It strikes in all our lives. None of us are prepared for it. Not when from the people we thought we could trust. Car accidents, shop lifting, robbery, murder, rape, betrayal,illness, loss of fortune, adultery, divorce. Sooner or later, living in a broken world has it's tolls.

Theoden

Theo,

You seem so gloomy today. Is it the world financial markets bringing you down, or something closer to home?

Theo,
H has not always held "momma" in such high esteem, but she seems to be the one that "understands" him now. He receives affirmation from her so she's "wonderful". Anyone who who does not agree with his ways receives the negative vibes from him.

This morning I checked my cell phone and had a missed text message from my DD20 (one that lives with him) saying, Uggghhhh, Dad is pi$$ing me off. I texted her this morning and she was in class already. She texted me back saying she would tell me later, but he is bipolar, ugh!

Bless her heart she has to put up with him more than DD17 and I do. She was living with a friend and then the friend had to move. About this time H finally got a house. I believe DD thought moving in with him she would have more freedom and room from little sister. She defiinitely has the freedom and room, but she also has to put up with his griping. It backfired on her. I don't push her one way or the other to come back to my house.

It is so hot here in the school! Yesterday we got to school and the power had been knocked out from Ike. The gym has emergency generators so that is where the kids were put. Finally, a decision was made to let the kids go home. The teachers remained on campus. Power was restored about a couple of hours later, but our air conditioner was out! Our air conditioner is still out and they said today they weren't sure when it would be up and running again. They were having trouble getting parts due to Ike! Heat and humidity, yuck!

Yoyo,

I have been quiet recently because I have felt you needed time to build yourself up to do what I now think is probably inevitable - which is go through the divorce process.

Much of what Theo says I agree with. However, I think that your H is not so much a mama's boy as a guy who has found a way to live that suits him down to the ground. I have said time and time....why should your H want anything to change?

I think the only way you will ever see any sort of movement with your H is to hit him financially - he has grown too used to the current staus quo. And if he came back because he didn't want to suffer the finanacial damage of a divorce would you want him back for just that reason?

Yoyo, I honestly believe if he had a huge turn around tomorrow, you would ultimately feel you had outgrown him. He really is NOT good enough for you. You have so much to offer and are in your prime. You have a great moral compass and are intelligent , kind, compassionate, (to a fault),......yada, yada, yada....truly the list is endless. You are worth so much more than your H. You are coming up to a time when your girls will move on with their lives and you will be left in this limbo if you don't resolve this. You are not the sort of person who deserves to be left living waiting on others. You need to go and get your own life. You deserve a life partner who is worthy of you.

I know he is the father of your DD's but do you really want them to live their lives thinking it is OK to be treated this way by a man?

I feel I am beating up on you....but I say this because I care.


Theo,

Going on to what you said in an earlier post about your W's gripes - do you really believe if you do the things your W has pinpointed as being problem areas things will work out? If so why have you not done them? I am sorry....but whilst truth is being bandied about in such a bald manner I am going to have to call you on this. I am sure there is more to this than it being that simple. Be honest with yourself Theo....even if you don't give away to much on here. Because if the things that you mentioned are all that stands between you and a 'Dbusted' M then you would have it sorted by now - either that or you are trying to punish your W by not trying to change into the Theo who cares what she wants?

((((yoyo))))

I'm not going to give you advice here, because I think theo,sara and saffie have said it all. They all have a lot of widsom, but you already knew that.

So many people care for you and think SO highly of you. I would love for one day for you to tell us that you have truly found someone worthy of you and you are having a wonderful life together, because you deserve it so much.

Hee is not worthy of you or what you have to offer.

Take care buttercup.

Hey Yoyo I was reading on Kats thread, you read the Twighlight series?? My D13 has me addicted!! I really liked them, have you read the 4th book yet? I havent been able to get it yet, is it good? Did you know there is going to be a movie out? Search the authors name, my D isnt here to show me the website, but it talks about the movie. D13 and I will so be there on opening nite lol!

What's the Twilight series? Who is it by?

Its by Stephenie Meyer! the first book is called twilight. I read the first 3 in 5 days over Xmas break lol!