Went out yesterday with friends and ebjoyed myself. Had a few drinks and actually did not think about my wife. Actually, it was nice to get the attention of the opposite sex. It was a good ego boost.
She was upset that i did not come home at a specific time to wait with the kids while she drove home the babbysitter. She never told me about this beforehand, and I was not going to leave my friends to accommodate her. If she had an issue, it could have been addressed earlier.
Before I went out, I again had to clean up from the kids at dinner and collect garbage etc. She again is showing that she is incapable to taking care of the children and house. Also had to make breakfast et al again this morning.
She did discuss the fact that she finally wants to have a orgasm. (or the indirect fact that she was able to without me with someone else) I have tried with her for 20 years and working with therapists to no avail. She wants to see if she is not broken....That hurt a bit as it is a direct hit on me. Nevertheless, I hope she finds what she is looking for.
Again asked about when we could start dating other people...... Freaky...... Plans to go out tonight with another friend. Still keeping myself busy as I can be. More later.
I should have been more specific. WE are both using monies from sources to cover legal fees. I could have used these funds for family matters instead of the divorce...further causing financial distress.
Of course, she could someday request hat I pay her fees, but thats not anytime soon....or if the matter gets ugly......
My wife insists that she wants to start dating or spending time with male friends. She said she wants to get on with her life and start experiencing new realtionships. We have been together for almost 20 years--I was her first...and only until recently.
I want to give her space and time to figure things out, but does dating or going out with other men necesary at such an early juncture?? I can not control her and she will do what she wants, but this whole situation of us getting a divorce is still relatively new-- about a 1 month.
I think this is part of the WAW and she needs to get answers on her own. She is afraid that if she does go out, that I would use it against her in the Divorce proceeding.
The thought of her being with someone else hurts, but again, I need to get over it. She talked to me about her failure to ever have orgasms--and essentially blamed me. She wants to find out if she is "broken"--or she could experience pleasure with sex. I have tried for years with her and through therapy to address this issue to no avail. I can say that her own sexual pleasure is her own responsibility--and can't place the whole blame on me.
The thought of another getting her there is a killer, but maybe its for the best...as I keep trying to tell myself.
I will continue to GAL and work on me and the kids, but the talks with her are killing me. My friends and family want me to go semi dark--only dealing with kids issues... I need to do that, but its hard.
need to go dark...at least with her regarding any non-kid issues. It is impossible to talk to her without getting into discussions regarding relationship and legal issues.
She again accused me of physical abuse when I gave her the dog's empty plastic food cannister and claimed I hit her. This is the second time she has lied about me causing her physical harm. I know she spoke to lawyer and father---but I dont think the police. She is desperate and will do anything to get me out of house.
I am scared as her lies could cause me a problem. I will know soon whether or not she will go to Court for an OP. I spoke to my lawyer who thinks she has little grounds for it, but we will have to deal with it.
Things heating up in the wrong direction as the kids are going to be dragged into this. I do not know if I could protect them anymore. We are not talking at all and have no plans to speak with her. This is probably good for me as I still have not yet become detached... (Stuck trying to get to stage 1)
I now see her true colors. I must no longer care and completely move on........I am ready for this and have no choice. Any sort of reconciliation is impossible if this escalates. At this point, I would not even be interested even if she did chnage her position.
I will keep everyone up to date as things progress.......
She is afraid that if she does go out, that I would use it against her in the Divorce proceeding.
so she basically wants your permission to have an affair?? hell no, this isnt' ok with you and you should say so! tell her that as long as you both are M and living together she is just going t have to wait, not that you can make her do anything, but she needs to know you are not going to put up with such disrespect.
The speed of her wanting a D goes to show how desperate and looney she is, same with the wild abuse accusations, I dont' see how she can ever make you leave by makign up stuff like that.
As long as you both keep your talks away from the kids they can be spared the uglyness, of course they are not stupid and they'll tell soemthing is up. yOu can have a talk, all of you (talk before hand with W) and both of you let them know that you two are trying to figure things out and are going through some stuff now, nothing to do with them, that you both love them. I'm sure she won't a prob doing this for the kids.
Be not afraid...I will repay you for the years the locusts have eaten Joel2
30something 2kids survivor of S, MLC, A, D I have peace in my heart, at last.
It was my day with the kids. Took them out to breakfast and then my two daughters went with my mom to NYC--see Wicked on Broadway. They went to the American Girl Doll place and had lunch before the show. My son initially hung out with my dad while I played some softball to release energy and tension. Been with son for over 6 hours while wife has her day to do whatever...... Daughters returning for dinner soon.
I am scared that she is going to Court tomorrow to try to get me removed from the home due to her alleged incident. My lawyer said that it does not rise to the standard to get an Order of protection, and then we could one of our own if we want. I hate to go there as it then drags the kids into this. I hope she realizes this and takes a step back before she does something foolish. The problem is that she is desperate.
My son and I had a great day together. Playing soccer and baseball at the School. We even met his friend from nursury. There is a sports program for him that is very reasonably priced--much less than the programs my wife looked at. I will investigate further and then discuss with her.
I am now getting involved in issues with my children I previously left to my wife. I am actually quite interested and want to know more. The one good thing to come out of this has been the additional time spent with the kids as well as getting more involved. Besides myself, the kids are paramount.
I found the pool a mess. My wife never told me that there were problems and that the pool was unavailable. This goes along with her total preoccupation with herself. She is not focusing on the kids or the home. She should have no problem handling pool upkeep as she is a cert. NYS Pool caretaker. (That is what she did in Camp, along with life guarding and teaching, and where she met the OM.)
I do not know what tomorrow will bring--whether or not she goes to Court or just threatens me. I will not be blackmailed or intimidated--nor will my attorney. This is a tough time as well as my new firm having to goback to Court to enforce rhe settlement agreement against my former firm from earlier this year. I am also a witness regarding a friend who left his lawfirm as well. Lawyers are the toughest people to deal with. In my 15 years practicing, I learned more this year with the three--and impemding four, law suits. She picked agreat time to want to leave.
(Found a really sexy thong in the laundry that I never saw before. One of my female friends said that is a sure sign of her exploring et al)
Wife came home after being gone all day at 9:30PM. Strange--since she is a stay home mom--and likes to use it to her advantage---that she would not not essenially want to see he kids all day as well as not wanting to be home the night before school..... This just a further example how she is only focusing on herself and no longer the kids and the house.... (I even made certain that my oldest called her before she went to sleep to say good night)
I tried not to talk to her...but she discussed two things. She had told me the day before that she made up her mind to divorce before the Summer. I had said that I had in my mind to discuss it with her next Spring...after I had more time to get things settled in the Office. Her first comment to me was that I was upset cause she beat me to it.
She is justifing her decison to leave by my comment that I too was very unhappy and wanted out anyway. That is far from the truth as I was going to try to work with her over the next 8 to 10 months to save the marriage. I was going to discusss options before she again went away to sleepaway. Amazing how words are twisted. (she said I told her father otherwise--actually her dad is upset as he knows I wanted to work this out. I will have to clear it up somehow..or should I leave it alone?? At this point, any workup would be difficult to impossible)
Also, she thanked me for doing the laundry but does not want me to touch her clothes anymore. Further example of her possibly doing this that are inappropriate and I could find out. (ie underware with staines et al??)
Monday coming and unknown of what to expect from her. Lets see if she tries to have me thrown out or threatens me....
Update--- Monday late afternoon. No lawsuit or court proceedings yet. Hoping she realized that getting me out of the house has serious reprecussions. Nevertheless, i stand prepared for anything...but as time goes by, it becomes less likely.
Busy at office getting ready for partner's meeting. Very tired since up early---long day.
Wife questioning items that she wants to purchase and what I will pay for as compared to what she is must pay pursunat to interim agreement. Its tough to say no and be objective, as I used to cover everything to a fault. Trying to be detached...and work this out properly. (Lawyers already sent letters back and forth as to this issue. It appears my wife overreacted and she made her attorney look a bit foolish. Nevertheless, never think your adversary is not smart. Be preapred for the worst.
I will try to go home tonight and avoid interaction. i will getting home from work around 9Pm and will go right to sleep. again, trying to avoid her. i think she will be questioning me again, but i need to just tell her that we could deal with it tomorrow...too tired.
DR went well today. interesting stuff. Learning more and more. Need to pick up the DR book. Well.. enough for now.
