I was reading over -- and replied to -- a post in the "Newcomers" forum this evening, and I thought I would start a separate thread about this, but it amazes me how incredibly consistent it is ("SCRIPT") that wayward spouses inevitably accuse their betrayed spouse of being "controlling."
I've known this for awhile, and I usually press someone on it, asking them if their spouse had ALWAYS had issues with them being "controlling" during their marriage, or did this complaint just come up recently, about the time (or after) their spouse started having their affair?
Guess what the answer is, more than 90% of the time???
"Controlling" to a wayard spouse means "I don't like that you have a problem with me having an affair."
I was reading over -- and replied to -- a post in the "Newcomers" forum this evening, and I thought I would start a separate thread about this, but it amazes me how incredibly consistent it is ("SCRIPT") that wayward spouses inevitably accuse their betrayed spouse of being "controlling."
I've known this for awhile, and I usually press someone on it, asking them if their spouse had ALWAYS had issues with them being "controlling" during their marriage, or did this complaint just come up recently, about the time (or after) their spouse started having their affair?
Guess what the answer is, more than 90% of the time???
"Controlling" to a wayard spouse means "I don't like that you have a problem with me having an affair."
Puppy
I haven't heard that line about being controlling yet. I must be doing something wrong!
M60 H52 D20 M14 yrs OW-old gf from 1986 bomb-5/18/08 H filed for D-9/10/08 D final 4/24/09 xH remarried (not OW) 2012
Well not to throw a wrench in things but my h says the ow has OCD & is very CONTROLLING.
Maybe that's good news for me?!
Me 56 H 47 Married 21 years No children Bomb & moved out 4/07 "My feelings have changed" & "I want to live by myself". Ow Bomb 8/07 H filed 6/08 D final 2/05/10
but it amazes me how incredibly consistent it is ("SCRIPT") that wayward spouses inevitably accuse their betrayed spouse of being "controlling."
Oh now Puppy......I wouldn't say it is "consistent". I never saw my H as controlling in our M. Now after he discovered the EA.....then he tried to control me to the point of being rediculas, which was not the thing to do with Sandi. But, maybe my stitch is not the norm....I don't know. But, I have seen where that is used a lot of the time as the WAW's excuse for her wayward ways. (See how sweet I can be?)
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I was reading over -- and replied to -- a post in the "Newcomers" forum this evening, and I thought I would start a separate thread about this, but it amazes me how incredibly consistent it is ("SCRIPT") that wayward spouses inevitably accuse their betrayed spouse of being "controlling."
I've known this for awhile, and I usually press someone on it, asking them if their spouse had ALWAYS had issues with them being "controlling" during their marriage, or did this complaint just come up recently, about the time (or after) their spouse started having their affair?
Guess what the answer is, more than 90% of the time???
"Controlling" to a wayard spouse means "I don't like that you have a problem with me having an affair."
Actually Puppy....I think that they consider the BS as controling because the BS acted in a way which made them want to look outside the M - whatever that reason was - and they couldn't control the BS's behaviour and change it to what they wanted, so they call the BS controlling.
We all know that the wayward spouse rewrites history anyway and blames, (usually,) every thing on the BS just to justify their actions.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I agree Puppy. My xh called me "controlling" right when his A began. I swear I had never heard that word used in our M before and I was anything but controlling.
When I asked him what I did that was controlling he said "I can't even go to the grocery store without telling you I am leaving the house." I told him that wasn't something I made him do, it is just natural to tell your spouse where you are going. In reality he was mad because he couldn't figure out how to meet up with OW....because of me....therefore I was controlling.
He even admitted this later. It REALLY bothered me when he said it (it was before I was aware of the A) and so I pressed him on it later.
