Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? 2 steps forward, 3 back

H just dropped off the kids and asked me for the key to his father's house. I gave it to him, told him I haven't used it in 2 yrs or more. He got deadbolts anyway that I don't have keys to. Just annoying. Guess I deserve it. I was half tempted to say give me the keys to my house then. But I held my tongue, except when he said thank you I said you are not welcome. Errrrrrr!!

I dont' see why you couldnt' ask for the keys to your house, although technically it is still his house (that's the main reason I refinanced, he wanted to keep stuff there and have a say on things that went on there but didnt' want to deal with the keep up).

Keep it all business like, not aloof not happy-go lucky, as the cliche says "be yourself", just be relaxed and try to keep R talk out, glad to hear you are doing better)))))

Telling myself now I can outlive her, she is a transition person. It works for me for now to handle things. Staying positive when talking to him. Any other tips?

That's my girl!

You did a good job this weekend!


I know you do a good job most of the time.

Anyway, I'm proud of you! Keep it up!

Thanks guys, I really need it.

D8 just told me that she and her brother have been sleeping in the room across the hall the last 2 nights so they can "get used to it" while their father and GF sleep in his bed. Still don't like the situation, obviously, but at least that is a step in the right direction thanks to my complaints.

Looked at my 401 paperwork yesterday and see that since he left 10/07 my money has dropped significantly so that if he gets half of the figure when he left I will lose nearly all of it. That can't be right. I must be able to use the figure when we settle instead, since that is all that is in there, I can't recreate the funds lost because of the economy. If he was home he would only get the lower figure to share. I'll have to talk to someone.

Won't see him again until Sunday when he gets them. Hoping to not think of things until then.

H called S12's cell to see what the custody schedule was this week. I got on and told him he had them tomorrow. I then asked him if he would burn me a cd of a group he likes, as he took the cd's with him. He said he would. Seemed surprised but pleased that I wanted to listen to them. He said he wanted to get some more of their cd's. I told him to check on half.com as they are cheap there. He said he didn't have a computer and I said we have one here. He has always been free to use it. So he said he would. I asked what kind of cd's to buy and he told me, so I ordered 100 on ebay so he can do them for me. Then I texted him that I would like him to make another one for me.

It was a pleasant conversation, something I haven't had with him in a while. Very nice. Like you said Cat, talk about things you know he likes. He doesn't like to think so but we have many things in common - tastes in most music, movies, nostalgia, cartoons, grew up in the same town, etc etc. That is what brought us together in the first place. And even things of his I didn't like I respected that he liked them for the most part and supported him. I reminded him last week how much I always supported his band and his musical efforts. I once recently told him he should be proud of his talents whether or not he is famous, as I have none myself. I miss his singing around here. Hell, I miss most of him around here....

H just picked up the kids, he was with his father as they went for a hobby store trip. When I loaded D8 inside I noticed GF in there. I ignored her as always, acted "as if" she wasn't even there. Gave H a magazine that had come, a cd of his I found as well as an IBC root beer as I know he likes them. Good deed or peace offering from me, whatever. So now I have the night alone. I hate being alone.

H just picked up the kids, he was with his father as they went for a hobby store trip. When I loaded D8 inside I noticed GF in there. I ignored her as always, acted "as if" she wasn't even there. Gave H a magazine that had come, a cd of his I found as well as an IBC root beer as I know he likes them. Good deed or peace offering from me, whatever. So now I have the night alone. I hate being alone.

H just picked up the kids, he was with his father as they went for a hobby store trip. When I loaded D8 inside I noticed GF in there. I ignored her as always, acted "as if" she wasn't even there. Gave H a magazine that had come, a cd of his I found as well as an IBC root beer as I know he likes them. Good deed or peace offering from me, whatever. So now I have the night alone. I hate being alone.

Went on H's band website and see the GF on there as a favorite. Its like doing all the work and having your co-worker take credit for it. So I signed up, but apparently they decide whose face to show so I have a snowball's chance in hell of them putting me up there.

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About the 401, when the time comes you get the most recent statement to show how much is there now, not how much there was when he left, same with savings/checking accts, the most recent statement is what matters, you cant' split what's not there.

These past 2 wks have been the first ones without having my kids (mon-wed), so I am filling my time doing things I love, I have signed up with 2 organizations as a volunteer (I never had time to myself before and stbx thought volunteering was a waste of time), I work out (try zumba classes, it's nothing but dancing! love it!) go to a local cinema drafthouse and catch a 1 or 2$ movie alone or with a friend if I get one to go with me (I had my very first chocolate martini last monday)

I have a few projects at home, I repainted my bedroom, one because I always wanted it to have some color, two, so it'd look different from what it used to look like when stbx lived here. I am repainting my son's room and will paint a mural, I have quiet a few projects going on.
Keep yourself busy, do things you couldnt' do before, try new things, call friends you haven't seen in a while, reclaim your life.