Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums We're separated--What Now? 2 steps forward, 3 back

H had a b-day party for D8. He got her a camera, I had already gotten her one. So we were texting back and forth and I told him what I got S12 for xmas and mentioned the camera. Of course he didn’t remember me telling him. Told me once he doesn’t listen to me anyway. So we talked and he told me what he got. I said good, I couldn’t afford that and I think he took it as me saying he had $ so he told me several people went in on it. He says I should give her the camera anyway. Then he texted that he doesn’t want to be at war with me. I reminded him that I never wanted a war, and that for over 3 yrs I have said that I don’t want to be enemies. I said I was not vindictive. I said I care and left it at that. He told me when I picked up the kids that he was glad the kids like the guy I am hanging out with and that his GF is good with kids. He said he knew I was uncomfortable talking about it. I just listened and said nothing. He again said we were in limbo and it would be cool if we could settle things quickly, then said I know you said you were working on it. It was an ok conversation.

I spent the weekend moving my tv room into my garage since his stuff is finally out. Then I am going to paint that empty room and make it S12’s bedroom. I will paint his old bedroom and rent it out for some badly needed income to stay afloat. S12 was flipping out that he doesn’t want a stranger here. I tried to explain it and reason but it didn’t work so I am basically keeping him in the dark now. I can’t take the stress of it all, I don’t want to do it either but I will do what I have to to keep my house.

H is constantly pushing for D. Texts me, talks to me. Yesterday he dropped off the kids and came out and said to me cool, you are getting a border, does that mean I will get my money? All the while he was wringing his hands. I thought it was in such bad taste, the kids or at least one were present. He also said I didn't answer his texts. Asked if I had a plan, said he knew I wouldn't reveal my battle plan. I said when I know you will be the second to know. Then started telling me how to fix my broken fridge door. My friend came over shortly thereafter (a male) and he basically stopped talking and left. He won't say anything in front of him. I can't take the pressure. I can't afford D.

H called this morning, pushing again. Texted me 4 times the other day, some nasty. I will not go there. Reminded him I am not vengeful, he says if I drag it out for 2 yrs he will make it hard on me-probably meaning he'll make me refinance instead of giving me time to do so. Why do things have to get nasty? I have no money for a lawyer or I would be progressing on this crap. Life loves to throw things at us.

Fair warning: The longer you do this, the less money you will get out of the D, and the less you'll be able to afford it. STBX's become less generous over time, not more generous.

he can't make you refinance against your will. He sounds like a total jerk but if you can pull of mediation then that's the way. We hired a mediator and to save $ we agreed on most things and only took issues we didn't know what to do about to mediator. Of course that only works if both spouses plan to be fair and agree on most things. The guy we hired was somewhat expensive but the best I found (I called several) He charged 200$ an hr. After all was said and done, 3 sessions later and his work fees we paid about 1,600 which we split between the two of us. Well, a 120$ L consult to make sure all was well but that was it. Come Jan. 19 stbx will take the sep. agreement and file for a no contest D, the end.

I refinanced to cash out and my payments actually lowered a bit, I bought a point and got a lower rate than before, check your choices hon, the cost of the refi was added to the whole thing and I didn't have to pay a dime, moreover, I got an extra month of "not paying" the mortgage and a refund for the taxes of the house, I came out with $. Make some numbers hon, you might be better of refinancing, I didn't think i could do it either, but sweet dear old oldtimer took time to make the #s for me and I realized my piece of mine was well worth buying him out.

Good luck, the answers are there hon.

I wish I had someone who could figure numbers for me. I just have no $ to pay a lawyer right now, I'm not delaying it on purpose. I am working on renting out a room in my house for some extra income. I had to buy a new refrigerator. That threw H for a loop, had a fit. I told him a friend bought it for me, he doesn't believe me but it is true. It was used, not new. He met the friend and I think he may believe me now. But that was a necessity, not a luxury.

Question - H called me at work and negotiated for 1/2 hr about settlement. Said it has been 90 days since I was served (8/1) and so his lawyer is sending a consent form. Anyone know anything about this, I never heard of it. He wants me to sign, of course, to get things moving. But I still have no funds and my car needs a repair or the engine will die so I think I need to fix it. Something always comes up, I swear! And I am already behind. Sigh....