Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again No more looking 4 Happy, Going to create it myself

Hello all. Just made the big jump from Newcomers. Had a 50/50 day yesterday, bad was bad but good was outstanding. Kalni says think about what you were left with. I was left with a pleased, tired me and pleased, tired husband....wink wink (Woog I did that just for you...)

Will explain later--the crappy episode, not the fun stuff. That would be TMI... It wound up basically being me making assumptions and H not being clear, but we sorted it all out....

I get to be first on your new thread in your new forum! I too made the big move out of newcomers last night. The packing was pretty easy and it was not all that far of a drive. There sure do seem to be a lot of booze talk in my new forum.

Take it easy on your H. I think he is the type of guy that lets work overwhelm him to the point of stress and frustration.

I hope your times are getting better each day in your running. One song that worked for me was the theme from Rocky 1.

Thanks for the encouragement, Kerry!

I shaved another minute off of my 5K time today. I still want to take off another 3 minutes, but I will get there. As in everything else, it will take baby steps...

The mess w/H yesterday involved him being frustrated/distracted most of the day, even at the Retro meeting to a certain extent. He just seemed to be "simmering" for much of the day. With no explanation, I did what I typically do, assumed it was directed at me. Which it was, b/c I was the only one around to receive it....but that doesn't mean I was the source of his frustration. I just assumed I was....

Then after Retro we stopped for gas in a tiny little town called Mead (maybe Racefan knows where that is he is a Nebraska boy). Anyway H went in to pay, came out. Hopped in a drove off.

KA-CHUNK!!! It was a horrible sound...

I had no idea what happened. H slammed the brakes, got out of the car, started ranting

"I can't do this anymore, can't do this anymore", several times.

Each time I quickly and quietly responded "OK, OK"

I just wanted him to stop saying it. That is what he said every time he got up and walked out of the house all winter, what he said when he would leave and go to a hotel and not answer his phone or text messages. I hate the phrase, "I can't do this anymore."

So it turns out H actually drove away with the gas pump still in the tank. Never done that in the 16 years I have been with him...

It was quiet for 20 minutes as I mentally planned for my lawyer, how we would split the kids, where I would live (I would keep the house, he could move), and as I raged silently at H for giving up and walking away again and destroying my son's hopes since we had gotten back together.

We were supposed to be going to the Gary Allan concert but since H had said he couldn't do this anymore, I figured that was pointless. I asked if he was going to take me home.

H: Why?

Me: You said you can't do this anymore so I assume we aren't DOING this anymore...

H: What are you TALKING about?

Me: You said I can't do this anymore.....

H: I am more than a little embarrassed and mad at myself, I have never driven off with the gas pump attached to the car. I have been frustrated and distracted all day long and I don't know why. THAT is what I meant by I can't do this. I can't be so distracted....I wasn't talking about us at all, sorry you thought that...


So anyway, it gradually lightened up from there. By the time we got to the concert we were back on level ground. Had a great time, wound up "playing" in the car on the way home. Good ending to a stressful day......

H says I tend to make everything he does "all about me". I need to work on that.

whew!!! Talk about different perceptions of what was going on! It's a great example, because it is clear. But the behavior on both your parts is so typical. Him with a meaningless phrase he uses time and again, and you attaching so much meaning to it. Yes. That is marriage. That is the perfect example of what married people do.

And that second thing.....that is what not married people do.

Your story so reminds me of the diary joke I posted on my last thread...

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubb...t=6#Post1553956

BBJ...

Congrats on makin the move over to here. IMHO H has given you the answer to your assumptions it's natural for a spouse to react in the manner of 'what did I do know'. H reacted too this pretty good he explained what he meant by the words he used and gave you a little clue to how to act next time something like that happens. As you are finding out there is still going to be little stones in your path, as long as things continue to go in the manner in which things eventually work out and nobody shuts done you will learn from each other.

"Then after Retro we stopped for gas in a tiny little town called Mead (maybe Racefan knows where that is he is a Nebraska boy)."

Yep know exactly where it's at. Glad the concert went well and the way things worked out in the end, that's how it is suppose to go...talk it out realize where things went wrong and then don't go to bed mad...wink wink nudge nudge play play...HEHEHE!!

You're doing good girl I'm proud of you and your H...

Brian

Congratulations on the move to Piecing. It is so great to see another M heading back in the right direction, especially for someone who got here about the time I did. I feel like we grew up together.

wow BBJ..you both learned a lot here. Misconceptions, phrases uttered. Caveman Mentality..

Men are wired different, women are too..you're post here reminds me of what I read when I read the Men/Mars, Women/Venus and that's what this was it appears.

good on your move..

Not a lot to add this week, I suppose that is a good thing. I know someone posted recently that "drama" fills the pages faster...

Not much drama these days.

H left yesterday at 4 a.m. to fly to Buffalo. Then he drove into Toronto. I have NO concept really, I have never been further east than St. Louis. And I am Canada-ignorant. Last trip was Calgary, this trip is Toronto, they are like the entire span of the USA apart but hey, it's all Canada to me! Boy I am letting you down, not much of a teacher huh? (I never teach Geography! ;))

Anyway I texted in early afternoon to see if he made it, he replied that he had just touched down. Then he left me a voicemail while I was preparing for my night class (read: I was frantically trying to fit 45 pages of reading into a 40 minute time period!). I sent back that I would call after class...

H then left me a message on our home phone while I was at class. Said he was just checking in on me, had checked into the hotel and it was crappy, and ended the message with "ILY".

So there was plenty of contact even though we never actually spoke to each other!

In job-related news I submitted something to an ELL website and I am going to be published, get my name on their author's site and everything. Not too shabby for a first-year ELL teacher...

Anyway I am just treading water at my job this week, first week with the kids actually coming to my room and my supplies haven't arrived yet so I am winging it...

Running goal today is 5 miles, wish me luck!

So I made it 5 miles yesterday, actually 5.61 by the time I stopped (incl. my cool-down jogging). Hooray! And I got something published in an on-line site for ELL teachers. So pretty good week for me...

H called a couple times today. He was back in Buffalo from Toronto waiting to fly out. He said he had seen Niagara Falls again, which for some reason prompted me to look it up on the computer so I could show S6. (It was right after school, we were in my classroom.) So I am showing S6 pictures and then on the sides are adds for fancy falls-view hotel suites.

S says, "that's where you and daddy could go". I said, "where?" He pointed to a picture of a man and woman in a 2 person-jacuzzi bubble bath-thing, with their heads close together. I said, "You think Daddy and I should do that?" S6 says, "Yeah, since you got back together and we are a family again you should do that." Then he got up and went to the other side of the room real fast to draw on my board. I wasn't quite sure I heard him right, I said "What?" S said, "Since you moved back together....never mind..." and got all embarrassed. I just said, yes, it would be nice to celebrate since we are living in the same house again.

So obviously S still thinks about it...

And H called a short time later to say that his flight out of buffalo into Chicago was delayed for no apparent reason....he said they were expected in after his flight to Omaha was scheduled to depart, so he'd most likely be spending the night tonight in Chicago. I was disappointed of course, but couldn't help but have my antenna perk up, too. He used the "canceled flight" on me once to go see OW....plus we all know he took her on a few trips in the not-to-distant past...

I reminded myself, from Retro, that "Trust is a Decision". I decided to go with it, I would figure out eventually if it were a lie, anyway. H had called from the airport, I could hear the announcers in the background. He texted me later that there was now a 50/50 chance he could catch the connecting flight....then he called to say he'd landed in Chicago 40 minutes AFTER his flight left for Omaha. He was pissy b/c he didn't have his suitcase, and the airline claimed "weather" so they wouldn't have to pay for his hotel room. He told me the name of his hotel, which was good, but I still had this nagging feeling...

Well God is always looking out for me. H tried to call my cell from his to say he made it to the hotel room. I couldn't hear him, it kept having dead air spaces. H was frustrated I couldn't hear him, and I got tired of trying so I hung up (not in a mean way!). A couple minutes later he texted me w/his hotel room number and asked me to call him. So I did, and he answered. Said he was flat out exhausted, could I call the room back at 4:30 and give him a wakeup call? (H flies out again at 6:30 a.m.)

So I decided he wouldn't possibly have someone there, and still have me call his room tonight, plus ask me to call it tomorrow...

I wish I could just not even think like that, but that will probably take a long, long time. Something I try not to feel resentful about. I want to be able to just believe in my Husband, not have these doubts/worries.

Good night!