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Hi SD!

I have no wisdom to offer. I think my brain cells are dead.

Good luck on your triatholon and have a great 4th weekend!

take care,
AG

Thanks AG, if that's really your alias!

Journaling:
I did have a great, if surreal, weekend. W is being nice, even what could be (mis-)interpreted as flirty. She has been wanting to do things with me and the kids more lately, although always inviting her new best friend and her family along.

Soooo, on the 4th we all went to the beach and had a grill party afterwards, complete with fireworks. Sat. she invited BF's family back over for dinner and then today she was going to join us at the local aquatic center until we decided to play soccer instead.

I think she knows I am VERY close to filing and is trying to make us feel more like a family again. Unfortunately, it's all just a little too late, or really too little, too late.

Otherwise, got my travel plans for work (Europe) and vacation (TX and CO) planned. I will have the boys for 10 days again, no W, no worries! So I am really looking forward to that. W will have the kids in TX while I am on my bus. trip.

If all goes well, she will have a letter from the L for her when we return.

I did finally set a boundary when she had planned to take the kids to TX 3 days before I left for Europe. I ended up paying a few $ for change fees, but she agreed to stay until the day before I leave, which is the day of my next triathlon anyway.

Otherwise, I got in a awesome workout weekend, hard run on Fri., long ride on Sat. and yoga/swim/soccer today. I really am physically spent, but it's kind of fun to eat 4000 calories a day and not gain any weight. As an extra-bonus, that drives W crazy!

Take care, SD

SD,

I have seen your thread but have until lst week been in Iraq, trying to deal with my own unravelling marriage.

As I read about you and your kids, it struck a chord deep within me. Since I returned, my S10 and i have been inseperable. I am back in my house, with WAW. Last night, we went out to the street in front of our house and threw the ball for about an hour. I can still do this when the divorce hits, but I am furious that my W would put these kids through this and take that great sponteneity away. She, like your wife, has "empty love tanks". I sh*t you not...her phrase. Both of my teenage daughters are a mess, but drive on with a divorce she must. Although she feels the divorce is "for the kids sake", she can rationalize it any way she'd like. It just plain su&ks. I have called an attorney, but have yet to meet with her. I believe you that it's a surreal experience. Keep swimming. I live in the gym these days. Nothing like 600 pound leg presses to re-focus your pain!

Hey SD!



I am back to being my "old" self again!

How on earth do you eat 4000 calories everyday? I think I could eat all day and never reach 4000!

Now that being said - I am on 1400 a day, working out for two months and even though my clothes are fitting better - I have yet to lose a single pound! I am slowly ramping up my workout - in hopes of losing an ounce a month.

I do follow your posts and don't have much to say. It is clear you are on a track. You aren't happy about what you have to do - but have the mindset to do what is right for you and your kids.

And it sounds like you are getting better at setting boundaries and asking for what you want. Such simple easy sounding steps - but oh so very hard to implement.

Life isn't always fair. And unfortunately sometimes we just have to deal with it and go through it to get where we need to go. And sometimes when you get through it - you find that life isn't so bad after all - that you are exactly where you want and need to be in life.

take care,
AG

Hi FLTC,
I have seen some of your posts and first want to say "Thanks for serving!" I will post more on your thread later.

SD

AG,
Glad you are back to your "old self". Hmmm, I should have something insightful from Jung to say here, but not so much.

4000 cal. a day is kind of tough. I pretty much eat something every hour or so while I am awake and then 3 big meals. Usually lots of carbs. Unfortunately, my one vice is that I like beer, but this is not a good source of calories when you have to get up early and workout! Maybe I need to import some of the German alcohol-free Hefe-Weizens, they are yummy.

1400 cal/day? That doesn't seem like much, but everybody has their own metabolism and activity level. Most important is just to know your body and what it needs. If you are not seeing the results you want, the most sure fire way is to change your workout routine, the body responds best to new stresses. Maybe you can join a co-ed club and kill 2 birds with one stone?


Yes, I am determined to get through this thing, finally. Definitely, got to the point where I was ready to move on and a few 2x4s from you guys helped as well. It is incredibly tough that I will have to make some really tough sacrifices, but in the long run, I cannot go on like this much longer. I definitely am ready to begin new adventures in my life and I need to close out this chapter so the new one(s) can begin.

I am getting a bit better at setting boundaries, but this is a process. For example, I really did not want W to go to the beach with us on the 4th, but acquiesced since I did not want to have a big blow up over it. Or maybe this is a reasonable compromise given that we both got to be with the kids on a holiday?! Who knows.

SD

Hey SD:



Those Bavarian monks did rely on beer for their carbs when they were "fasting."

Not so sure about the alcohol-free part - but I love hefe-weizens. It is my beer of choice for hot summer days - with a lemon slice.



I will be joining a gym in a couple of weeks. That co-ed part may be an incentive to go back to free weights again!



I know I still struggle with balancing my own interests against those of others. I don't want to give too much to where I feel resentful - but there are times when a reasonable compromise is the right answer.

Perhaps your compromise was not a bad one. The kids were able to spend the holiday with both parents - something that unfortunately may change as the D progresses...

take care,
AG

SD,

You are hitting all the right bases. You certainly "GAL" and are not moping looking in your rear view mirror. Physical activity is HUGE. When I was in Iraq, I worked out in the weight room with a 30 year old captain who played defensive end for VMI. No alcohol and 7 days a week in the weight room develop an incrdible tranquility. The vactions sound great. I have been here for about three years. The success stories are ALWYS those who have let go, moved on and really believed that they got a new life. Like many of us, you do not want the W. back that you currently have.

Hi FLTC,

Yeah, I tore off the rear view mirror and threw it in the trash a long time ago!

I definitely feel like I am on the right path, even if it is a difficult one. Can't say I have any interest in the W, but you never know how people change over time.

Re: physical activity. I have always been very active, but pre-bomb, I let my life get a bit out of balance, too much work and family time, no me time. Now I am much more in balance, definitely reduced the work time, but also increased the me time. Feels great to have goals again outside of work. If nothing else, I feel 10 years younger! Even starting to occasionally think about running a marathon, although still not sure about that one!

SD

Hi AG,
Try a Tucher with a tangerine slice sometime...mmmmm!

I definitely think it is better to look for potential dates in places other than bars, not that I don't enjoy a good beer, but looking for people with common interests is always a better bet, plus, no beer-googles to cloud your judgement at the gym!

I absolutely love my triathon club, it is completely inspiring to be around a group of totally fit people and there's the upside of meeting lots of totally fit people of the opposite sex. Nothing there so far, but it sure can't hurt your odds.

In fact, I have decided to relax my "no dating until D is filed" stance and am going to start dating now, or at least soon since I already have all the paperwork into my L, have put down the retainer and she is drafting the filing. Just feel it is time to move on, at least where I can control it.

Good luck! SD