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The wife brought the kids over tonight. She had called me earlier and asked if she should bring them or was I going to pick them up.

I asked if she would bring them because I was still cooking on the grill. She said ok.

D6 was asleep. I brought her inside and laid her down on her bed. Wife told me that she was saying she wanted to stay with her. She'll ask her when she wakes up. She asks about nephews room. We go look. I go back to finish cooking in the kitchen. She comes back and asks what I'm going to do with the stuff in S14's room.

It's all her stuff I took down from the walls and kitchen and bathroom. I tell her I planned on cleaning it and either selling it or something. I didn't think that she wanted it, I said. She said she didn't, but she had an upset look. Like she couldn't believe I took all the crap down.

I know she saw the two pictures of us that I had put up and our Marriage Contract. She didn't say anything. She said that S14 wanted to get his dresser so she is going to take it. I offer her a hand. We put it in the living room by the door. She goes to visit the puppies. I can hear her laughing and yelling because they are all excited and attacking her. I open the blinds and I see her and she looks back at me all happy holding one of them.

She and the girls come back in, and I start to get the table ready. I tell her she is invited to stay if she is hungry. She pauses and declines.

"S14 is waiting for me at home."

She says she is going to leave and D6 is having a hard time. She is tired again and she acts cookoo when she is tired. Wife tells her she'll see her tomorrow after she gets off. D6 says no she won't because daddy is going to pick them up and she won't see her. GBG looks at me and asks what time I get off. I say 5pm. Like usual.

"Everyday?"
"As far as I know." That means she WON'T see them. Just like the other times I pick them up during my week. She gets off work too late and I'm picking them up as fast as I can. I DON'T want her to see them. Makes it worse and she tries to keep us there longer. D6 is starting to cry. GBG looks at me and says,

"Can she go home with me?"
I say yes. I'm not going to force her to stay. GBG tells her to eat and she'll wait for her. D6 is still crying. GBG asks what is wrong. She keeps looking at me. I must of had some kind of look. I ask D6 if she wants to go talk to mom in her room. They go. I feel bad because D6 is upset and I feel bad because she wants to go with her mom. They come back out and they sit at the table. We both serve D6. She is hungry. I tell GBG that she can take a plate to S14 for dinner.

Again she pauses.

"I guess I can" she says quietly.

Were eating except for the wife and then she reminds me of the potato salad I forgot to serve. The girls love it. D11 looks at me and says it is "THIS close to moms". Her thumb and pointer finger with a space between.

I say it must be good then if it is close to moms. And it was good, if I do say so myself. Everything was.

Later I help wife put the dresser in her car. I hear a something loose in her passenger door, so I get some tools and tighten some bolts that are loose.

D6 DID decide to go back with her mom. I miss her already. I tell her to maybe think about tomorrow. Hugs and kisses.

Later, just a little while ago, GBG calls me. She asks how D11 is doing. I say she is fine. I ask about D6. She is fine. She is just tired. I ask what she said in the room. She told GBG that I looked like I was mad at her. My face.

"I wasn't mad at her. I just miss her a lot."
"I know. I told her that you werent mad at her. She was just tired."

She asks about D11 again. I tell her we've been laying on the bed talking and playing and tickling.

She pauses. "Can I talk to Amanda?"

They talk for a bit, then hang up.

I'm curious about what she thought about the pictures I put up and the Marriage Contract.

Not dwelling on it. Just curious. Who wouldn't be?

I thought this was interesting.

The wife calls my phone this morning. I have D11 answer. They talk for a little bit. I hear her then trying to talk to her little sister like she is trying to wake her up. Then she talks to her mom for a second, says bye and then hands the phone to me.

The wife says good morning. She starts to tell me how D6 won't wake up. I hear her trying to talk to her and wake her up.

"Here, I'm gonna put the phone by her ear. Talk to her."

I start to talk to her. My usual wake up talk when I wake up my girls. Calling her funny names.

"Daddy, your silly" she says really sleepy. I love that sleepy talk.

I talk some more to her. I ask her if she is coming home with me today and she says yes. Wife gets back on the phone and I let her know that I'll probably pick up D6 today and if her stuff is still packed. She says yes.

"I'll call you later and let you know if she comes with me."

She surprised me by doing that. She certainly didn't have to do that. I'm greatful she did. Got my morning off to a good start being able to wake up D6. My JuliAna.

On my in to work, I see GBG turning on to the street taking D6 to school. Not even 30 seconds earlier and we both would have been facing each other at the light. Weird.

I thought this was interesting.

The wife calls my phone this morning. I have D11 answer. They talk for a little bit. I hear her then trying to talk to her little sister like she is trying to wake her up. Then she talks to her mom for a second, says bye and then hands the phone to me.

The wife says good morning. She starts to tell me how D6 won't wake up. I hear her trying to talk to her and wake her up.

"Here, I'm gonna put the phone by her ear. Talk to her."

I start to talk to her. My usual wake up talk when I wake up my girls. Calling her funny names.

"Daddy, your silly" she says really sleepy. I love that sleepy talk.

I talk some more to her. I ask her if she is coming home with me today and she says yes. Wife gets back on the phone and I let her know that I'll probably pick up D6 today and if her stuff is still packed. She says yes.

"I'll call you later and let you know if she comes with me."

She surprised me by doing that. She certainly didn't have to do that. I'm greatful she did. Got my morning off to a good start being able to wake up D6. My JuliAna.

On my in to work, I see GBG turning on to the street taking D6 to school. Not even 30 seconds earlier and we both would have been facing each other at the light. Weird.

Oh, H4H, I just checked on Ike--the projected path at weather.com (been going there a lot lately). It looks like it's going straight for you around Saturday sometime and they said in our paper it's a bad one. Hope you're prepared and you'll be ok? I swear it seems Texas and FL are the worst lately!!! Karen

I should be okay, karen. Thanks though. They usually peter out by the time they get to land. I'm too far in.

I called the kids at the apartment phone today. When phone was answered I was talking in a funny voice.

"Hello?"
"HELLOOOOO!"
"Hiiii!"
?????
"Oh, your home already?"
"Yeah."
"Im so stupid. I thought it was Amanda."
It was GBG talking funny back to me.

I get to the apartment and pick up the girls. It takes at least a half hour for them to get up and out. Contant stalling. I notice a huge bedroom headboard in her room. Wood, lights, mirrors. I am trying to get the girls out of the door. She says she is leaving also to go pick up a bed. I ask about S14. She says he is doing something with his dad.

I just wonder who is going to help her?

Why do I want her back again? This person that is living her life with another man.
It keeps getting harder to remember. When I don't have to deal with her or her actions, I am GREAT. I think I need to stop going into her place somehow. Triggers. Things that keep feuling the fire inside. The anger.

I keep thinking that a D is the best thing for ME. I don't understand why she hasn't done it yet.

H4H

Is there any way you can meet somewhere to get the girls? Just trying to see how to make that part easier for you.

She apparantly took the day off today. Had lunch with D6 and then picked her up from school. Very odd for her to have off on a Monday. Last night she gave no indication. She was planning something.

When its my week, I typically get off of work before her. I race to her place to pick up the girls before she gets there because I DON'T want to see her. I usually don't have to see her. Usually.

I don't know lis. I feel so detached from her. Things trigger emotions. That HAS to be normal. I know I love her, but I just don't know anymore. I have let her go.

It's tough, bud. It's tough.

Don't get me wrong. I feel really good about myself. I just don't think she is good enough for me anymore.

And the odds of reconcile? They have to be miniscule at best. I see so many good people that tried their damndest. The D still came.

Hey buddy !

Relax on the stbxw (sorry but this is it).

Unconditional LOVE for YOURSELF and the kids. This is all you can do and will be able to do.

Take good care of YOU..

Learn to sleep alone.. enjoy it. It is peaceful.. Remember the eggshells.. they are gone from your home.. This is YOUR home.

Take time out to heal and remember who YOU are , okay ?

Tom

Still no hugs btw

You do have to let her go to find yourself. I don't agree with Tom. Look at g. It was the weekend before they got divorced that she came around. Don't give up hope but don't let it dominate you either.

kat

Hey sleepyhead.

G is definately a great story. I still keep some hope, but like I said, the longer it goes the less attractive of a person I find her. She is not the same person I knew. That I fell in love with.

But I will always keep that door open. For my kids.

And I am having fun finding myself.