Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Information about abuse

No one is asking for a yahoo board SG but seriously - information on abuse.....closed for no reason!?

Wanna tell me that the bias for saving marriages extends to women who are abused? If so, I will gladly leave this site because THAT is bull......to push the propaganda so far as to say that abused/victims should stay and DB their marriage out.

I was not informed as to why it was closed.


copy and pasted from previous reply..

And again I say, free advertising is not allowed here per the board rules and regs.

Michelle's books actually talk about how in abusive situations the person should not try to DB but rather be safe.

Amy

I was married to a very abusive man (the Hardys' dad) for a very short period of time

he was horrible and wicked and when he was strangling me withthe phone cord, i watchedmy then almost 2 year old drag his almost one year old into the closet behind the baskets of clothes because it was where I put them when he would start with me...it was when i started to plan to leave

i am not dumb (college grad from a good family...he hadn't even bothered to finish high school) I was just a sucker with no self-esteem.

often times victims of abuse (Last I checked, the stat was 80%)will move into another abussive relationship because it is what they know

i hooked up with LSS because he was bigger than H#1, stronger...he was abussive but in his own way
and
leaving him was way harder because i felt even more dumb (how could i do it AGAIN)

it took lots of work (still doing it) to help pull my self-esteem up to where I felt I deserved something good

lots of work on being good with me

and

i grew a backbone
solid
and I bulldog protect my friends

no more taking things because I am afraid
or feel small

you know

this board helped build my self-esteem back up
helped me feel not so dumb
helped me see that I could not have seen the sociopath LSS was/is
helped me learn to find my footing

it makes me sick in my heart to see that a place where i once poured these stories out
the gory details
begging for help
and found it

has been turned into a place where abuse is tolerated and posters are warned not to give helpful advice

you are right sg
this is not a yahoo board

this is a board that at its core was developed to bring solace to those in need
for us to hear we are not alone
if we are standing for marriages that others say are dead
or if we are learning to stand for ourselves

it is why i sought out the DB board after reading the books
it is why i read the books

it is why i promoted it to friends who were dealing with similiar issues
it is why I bought the books and donated them to the battered women's organizations where i worked

because the message was never sacrafice yourself for someone else
be strong and stand for what you believe in

too bad that message has been lost

It will make for a good chapter in the next book.
"Overcoming being an abuser"

The truth is, dude could probably save his M. He is over emotional and reacting in a horrible way. He comes here to get "beat up", and that's good, cuz it's an outlet. Hopefully he learns.

Until the thought police bust on in and admonish us for making a paying customer feel bad. Oh well, no brains, no headaches I guess.

Keep ENABLING him by indirectly excusing his behavior when you jump the people jumping on him. Then what? You become AS RESPONSIBLE AS HIM.

Ok...this is why I don't leave these posts up. Not because you diss me, but because the thread has degenerated to being about someone else.

then split and remove the posts, don't close the thread.

Just my advice...

Are you implying we should help someone divorbust thier marriage even if they are in an abusive relationship?

Ok....so smacking the person around didn't work....try something different.

shoot them.

We ONLY see one side of a story. We see someone tell their feelings. We get embroiled and think one person is the worst person on the board.

Folks....LOTS of people here receive and give really bad behavior.

What we DO here at divorcebusting.com is brainstorm solutions. Offer hope.

Feel free to do that.


Some of you know I left an abusive marriage. That does NOT mean this site is the place to talk about abuse, describe abuse, make someone think they are being abused, etc. If you think someone is being abused or is an abuser....you may post a link to a site for help. You may challenge them.


The DB way is to offer solutions. Experiment and monitor results. Do more of what works. This often works in these situations you describe.

ugh, oh was that bad?
sorry, delete it. doesn't make it wrong

That's what I did the first time....and it didn't 'work'.