Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Advice-Husband moved in with OW(I'm a Newby)

I am so proud of each and every one of you in this thread. Good for you all for taking a stand for not being the back up plan. On the day that I now call the worst night of my life (May 19, 2008), when (X)H and OW came to my house and declared their love for each other. I told my XH that he needed to be sure about this choice because I refused to be his back up girl. If things didn't work out with OW, he wouldn't always have me to go back to. He is realizing this right now.

On thing I was always proud to say is that I held my head high. At least in public. In private I was a crying sobbing mess (still am at times), but I knew then and I know now that I never did anything wrong.

Oh...I live in Alton, IL (about 15 miles east of St. Louis)

I am fairly new to this site and I have been following your posts. I am so sorry for what you are going through, what we all are going through. My sitch is familiar, Me-30, H-30, M-6yrs., T-14, Twin D-2. 1st Bomb in Jan. not sure if wants M anymore. 2nd Bomb moving out does not want to work on it in May. I am almost certain of a OW-21 from his work. She is the receptionist and is going through a D herself. He will not admit anymore than friends and I have not asked since May anything about her. I have been DBing my butt off and have had a few positive things happen.

Cont. from previous post.... He came to visit one night at about 3mo out of house and was upset afraid he was losing me. Is missing me and cares for me a lot. Afraid our friends are too involved and think that they will make me change my mind about him and not allow him to have a 180 blah, blah. He kissed me that night and a little more but things went right back to the way they have been, no movement forward.

He always always has to give me hugs when he sees me that is not new, however the last two times he has visited he has been giving me compliments like I look real good or look real cute. Our 6yr anniv is coming up and I broke DB rules and texted him today and it went like this.. Me-Want an adrenaline rush? H-Sure whats up, Me-Parasailing this weekend you pick how high, H-Sounds pretty awesome. I already made plans w/Charlie and his boys to go four wheeling. H again-Are you even asking me to go? Are you ready for that yet? Was I jumping the gun, Me-Just thought it would be fun, no worries, its not that complicated. I have not heard anything since.
I don't know what to think of any of this. It does not seem to me that he wants a D hasn't asked. He also is very bigging on giving me hugs unless it is a bad day for him he gives me these long hugs holding and rubbing my back. Should I ask him to stop?

I am so encouraged by your strength and think that everyone is doing a great job. I have really appreciated reading about your sitch's b/c it gives me hope that if we can get through this how great our M can be! It is just so crazy to be reading these posts and to be thinking to myself, I am writing the same thing. Take care and I am anxious to see anymore progression with your sitch!

Hi Marisol, Oh I am sorry about today. It has to be very difficult. Watch your videos, look at pictures and unplug your phone. Why call him when it might be a slap to you. That will make your day doubly worse.
It is awful. But do we want them back being the way they currently are? We need to work on us so it will be better for the future. Who wants what it was? Stay strong, my prayers are with you also today. take care.

Hi Marisol, Oh I am sorry about today. It has to be very difficult. Watch your videos, look at pictures and unplug your phone. Why call him when it might be a slap to you. That will make your day doubly worse.
It is awful. But do we want them back being the way they currently are? We need to work on us so it will be better for the future. Who wants what it was? Stay strong, my prayers are with you also today. take care.

Thanks Hope!

Everyone here is so wonderful...... we must continue supporting each other through our trying moments.

Hi twin! I am hoping for that day my H will come back and say those very same words to me. My sitch just started so it will be a while if and when that may happen to me.

How are you doing T2L? How is your son?

Welcome twinhope and starshyne,
T2L look at the great thread you started here!
Twinhope sounds like you are making some progress. I agree with Starshyne, we can always hold ourselves with dignity and hold our heads high. We have to stop being victims.
Tonight I came home and H was here. We ate then I took off for my walk on the beach. I think he wanted to have one of his chats about apts, finances and I just left and took the wind out of his sails. I am steering clear of him. Then my D15's teacher called wanting to make sure her homework was done. Found out that she only turned in 3 out of 4 homework assignments and she does not accept late papers. This is a first for my D. Is this having a negative effect on her already? I am very concerned. I went in and told H. He called her in and told her he was mad. Something to bring up to the MC tomorrow. Doesn't H realize that this will impact her life. D is a really good kid and he will take this away from her. I have to find the words so he will not think I am blaming him (I am!) D is worrying about him going out all the time and drinking. She would be horrified if she found out about OW. It is sad. More reason to keep up the DB.
T2L how is your son doing tonight? I keep thinking about your post. I know you will guide him in spite of his H.
Marisol, tomorrow will be better. it is one day.
Another group hug {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

Twin Hope,
Do you know for sure that the affair is happening or has H just said that he doesn't want the marriage? I couldn't tell.

I do love this thread. I feel such strength from talking with everyone and all the advice and tips. I love it!

My son is doing better. I keep encouraging him to keep talking so he doesn't bottle his emotions. We have therapy assessment on the 18th. He seems like he is looking forward to it. Its through the HMO at our doctors office and cool thing is they have just implemented solution based therapy like DB so my son wont be professionalized but they will give him some practical solutions to help him.

I'm not sure if any of you know this so I'll pass is on just in case. From a lot of what I read, for some crazy reason children blame themselves for these things. They accept the responsibility for the actions_isn't that horrible! So be sure to sit down with your children, no matter the age, and tell them that this has nothing to do with them, they did not cause this and its not their fault. You will probably need to tell them a few times and remind them on occasion. Hope3343 Does your daughter know about the OW?

Marisol, take comfort knowing that although you feel alone we are all thinking about you and with you. All I can say is time is on our side, and eventually things won't hurt as bad, at least that's what I'm told-sure hope they are right. My 19 year anniversary is in Dec. I'm dreading it. Sure wish I could take a trip that day but finances are an issue at this point.

Just got a book tonight I mentioned, Surviving An Affair by Dr. Willard Harley....really good book. You all would really like it.
G'night from Cali, leave you with this...."The world is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be only the beginning. " ~ Ivy Baker Priest

T2L,
Thanks for responding! I am 99% sure H is having an affair. I have read the OW-21 myspace page and she has references to it all over. She is totally in love with my H. Wow does it hurt so bad to see someone talk about my H that way. I also know that on his weekends with our daughters he is going places with OW and the children. They just went and saw their first movie with H and OW what in the world! I was so upset last night and tried to contact H. He didn't answer of course. I was just going to say to him that I was hurt that he took them to their first movie and he didn't even tell me about it. No mention of the OW being there. I don't understand him just hours prior to the movie he was telling me that I looked good and giving me long embracing hugs. He is messed up that is for sure! Does anyone have any advice?