Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy Advice-Husband moved in with OW(I'm a Newby)

I can totally relate! I too feel like that. I know that I probably won't be waiting several years. My goal is to at least make it to 6 months which is Oct. as i found out on April 23. I struggle at the fact husband gets to go live this life move in with her and then if it doesn't work I feel like a back-up plan. I'm not a back up plan. I get frustrated with the fact at times that I would even consider reconciliation, especially since he moved in with her. My kids are feeling the same as your. I wish I could detach my brain and stop thinking. I've of detachment but don't know how to get there. Does anyone know how to get to a place of detachment?

I would say make it 6 months since he moved in with OW... give it time for H to see what its like living with OW and make him start comparing the life he had and this new life. They will slowly start to see the differences and regret their decision because they will start questioning whether it was worth it and seeing how good they had it to what they have now.

I am going to do the same and wait until February when the lease is up where I am living now.

Detachment starts when you start to GAL and do things for yourself. Spend as much time as you can with your kids, do fun things, go places you have never been before even if it is a new restaurant. Take a class, start exercising, listen to audio tapes on self-help, read books, go to the library, go on picnics, whatever it takes to occupy your mind on something else. The hardest time is at night of course when its time for bed and you are alone. That is when I write in my journal all of my thoughts about what I want, where do I want to be, what kind of relationship do I want, telling yourself that you are loved, adored, smart, beautiful, powerful, strong, and that you will survive.

My D16 is my savior. She loves me unconditionally and will never stop loving me or abandon me or make me feel the way my H has made me feel about myself. Your children love you too. Show them and tell them you love them as much as possible. They will be the ones who carry you through this the most.

We are all here for you!

The kids cut him off twice since he just wasn't his self and they didn't enjoy the visits and really were still very angry at him for the A. They cut him off the 2nd time when they found out he moved in with her. My 9 year old has decided he wants to see his dad now. I am assuming I will have to see my H more now since my son is in football. My son will probably invite him to his games. I really don't like seeing him right now he's not his self, he's half crazy. All that normal reasoning is gone. Since the whole thing has happened anytime I have seen H I feel like an alien in my own skin, I just want to run. I feel like even though he did all this he has put me under the microscope and put all the blame on me and when he's around(which hasn't been much) I just don't know how to act. Do I say hello or avoid him. I know it sounds really crazy to even feel this way and I'm not sure why I do.

H T2Live, I am a newbie also and we are all brought here by sorrow of our H. After 20 years my H wants a D. There was definitely problems of apathy in our marriage but now he refuses to work on the marriage and wants to move on. Yes, there is OW involved. Funny part is she works for him and we all work together at the same company. How frustrating for all. He denies this R because he could get fired. I went through the name calling, guilt etc. I found this website and bought 2 of the books and have Jody the telephone coach twice. I am really trying to change myself and outlook. Our D15 know there is something wrong and is getting upset. My heart goes out to her. He is looking for furnished apts and acting crazy. Yes this is a full mid-life crisis and it sounds like it was written for him. I will let you know how I progress.

I'm so sorry. I can relate to your pain. I have only been a member of the forum for a few days but feel great support already. I know you will too. I'm so glad I decided to post. There are so many people who have so much insight and wisdom it's really helpful.

I just read your post and you are normal, everything you are feeling is normal, confusion, how do you act, yes I want to be with him no I don't want to be with him.

I was lucky to find this site, the people here have helped me more than I could have expected. There are so many people here and more and more show up everyday

Remember, you are normal, your feelings are normal. Also remember you can only control what you do and not what your H does or says. I know its hard on you, I wish there was some quick fix for everyone here, but there isn't

I hope you find what you are looking for, I hope that if you want to save your M, your H is open to reconciliation. I hope everything works out for you, but be prepared becasue its a painful journey.

Best wishes and I'll check back in on you


M45
W41
M10.75 years
D9, D6, D6, S5
OM confirmed 12/07 merry christmas to me
WAM (Walk Away Mom) 05/31/08
W files for D 07/18/08
Date I'll forgive W for A = never

Well as for now who knows if he wants reconciliation, seems like he hates me mostly. I can't figure out why he hates me so much. I did everything for this man, we used to have so much fun. It went from 18 fairly happy years to nightmare in 60 days and then I had the bomb drop.

I wish I wasn't so nervous around him. Really makes no sense, I didn't do anything to be nervous about. And now with my son's football games looks like I may have to see him every Saturday{{sigh}}. Soooo not looking forward to that, especially with how much he dislikes me. I see him and really I just wanna run and I didn't commit the affair. Sure can't wait till I work through this part. Do I say hello or completely ignore him-any advice anyone??

HI T2L, it is a tough road for us. I am trying to follow the DB techniques but it is so frustrating. My H sent me a few e-mails of furnished apartments he is looking at. Normally I would have blown up and blasted him but I sent him an e-mail saying I know of a beautiful 7 room house with 1 teenager and crazy dog that you could rent cheap - smile. He did not respond but I figured it would be better to try some humor. Now he calls me telling me about a furnished apt he drove by. I do not know why he thinks I am made of stone. I just said to him "well I am sure you will find something" Then I told him Ihad to go. He told me yesterday that he will move out temporarily 3 months and see how it is and then move forward with a divorce. He gave up drinking 20 years ago and every once in a while he has a drink but for the last 2 months he has drank at least 5/6 times with 2x being drunk. I don't know him but I have to keep trying. This is a full mid-life crisis but I hope he does not kill himself in the meantime.
Let's keep the faith and keep praying. I am trying to GAL and keep my sanity. take care.

T2L, Since I was whining about myself I never answered your question. Do not ignore him. Use your son's game as an opportunity for you to strut your stuff. Wipe away the tears, dress up, do your hair and make up. Carry your cell phone. When he looks at you pretend you are having this great conversation, laugh. Wave to him from a distance. See if he approaches you. Use this to see that you have moved on and are happy (or pretend to be). If you start to get overwhelmed go to a ladies room, have a good cry, wash your face and put those sunglasses on. Did you order the Divorce Busting books yet or speak to a telephone coach. My recommendation is get the books first. good luck. I will pray for you.