H just left...doesn't even say goodbye anymore....of course I stayed upstairs....I'm sobbing again right now....I need to let it out....
My H knows me better than anyone....we have been through so much together and he still walks around like I've given him a new life and he's looking good and happy and looks like life is agreeing with him....
It just hurts so terribly bad....I can't explain the pain...truly....I hurt, my kids hurt....I'm struggling to get out of bed....I want to run away....I want someone to wake me from the nightmare....I want H to hug me and say I'm sorry, I miss you....but I know in my heart I will never hear it....I'm holding on to a string....I tried to tie a knot in it and hand on but I don't think I can....but I can't make that call to file...I can't cross the line....why? it's what he wants...and if I'm the bad guy so be it.....
He already tells everyone it's mutual....that you gotta do what ya gotta do.....like to shove that up his a**...does he really know what he is doing...am I pretending to think he will ever regret his decision. He's not coming home and I need to realize that....
Life is full of lessons I know....I'm sorry for everything I may have done wrong in my life but how long do I pay for it....I take my 50%...and I do pray....I just want God to speak to me...to tell me I'll be fine....I'll be happy again some day...I don't want to be alone....
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Treese you will be fine. I truly don't believe in the inside that your h is walking around like it's all fine.
Could it be his persona that he wants everyone to see? Men have a tendancy to always protect their image. If he walked around sad, hurt, scared how could he really be a MAN?
Really, is that the man you would want to see?
Me 50 H 42 S 22 S 9 D 7 M 12 T 17 H moved out 8/2006 H moved home 1/2007 for 3 weeks H moved home 5/2011 for good
"Learn from yesterday ~ Live for today ~ And hope for tomorrow"
Well....got a call from H this morning wanting to go over finances to move forward with the D....and of course because he will have to start paying child support...I was going to borrow the money for a L but it fell through...I'm looking at other avenues....
So, I guess this is it....guess we are really going through with the D....I've cried all morning...for the death of my M....
I told my H he knows me better than anyone will....my ups, my downs, my good and my bad....my life will never be the same...
Glam....I don't want my H to walk around all depressed but I would appreciate some feeling of some kind.....it hurts worse seeing them so happy...
Hmmmmm.....wonder if it will ever hit him?
Treese
H 49 M 45 D 23, D17, S12 M 25 T 31 01/07 OW H at my door w/proof Bomb ILYBINILWY 06/07 Sep 01/08 headed for the greener grass, Mar08.B#2H has child who is 9 11/08 pos.paternity
Your h is so darned miserable that he is putting on a good front! He might file but that does not mean he will go thru with it.
He will find out that thousands of dollars will go out each month for child support, alimony, etc.
I sometimes think it takes one heck of a lot to get them to hit rock bottom. Reality of a D and the costs and affects of it have not sunk in yet. Just wait.
The Bomb: 08/05 H moves out: 06/2006 H moves back: 01/07 & Out again: 01/07 H moves back: 03/08 & Out again: 04/08 H moves back: 05/09 & Out again: 07/09 Divorced 08-12 Kids: 22, 20, 19
